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Flash Movie Review: The Out-Laws

WE HAD ONLY GONE OUT ON a couple of dates before I met her parents. I was nervous; not only because I was not sure what to expect, but I also was not good at making small talk. When I rang the doorbell, it seemed like it was only a matter of seconds before her mother had swung open the door with a flourish. She kept one hand high on the door as she swung her other arm up into the air and said, “Welcome, please come inside!” I said hello and told her my name. She let out a chuckle and said, “Of course, I know your name, silly. C’mon in.” This was not what I was expecting as I walked inside and stepped off to the side of the doorway. The mother closed the door and motioned me towards the sofa. I noticed there were fashion magazines fanned out on top of the coffee table in front of the sofa. As I sat down, the mother settled into one of the two armchairs that were off to the side of the couch and asked me how I was doing. I told her fine and asked her the same question. She went into this monologue for several minutes about everything going on in her life; I was hoping my date would appear so we could leave. It was a few minutes later, during the mother telling me about her foot doctor appointment, that my date finally came down the stairs and we quickly made our way to the front door. Once outside, my date apologized for her mother’s theatrics; she was a frustrated actress.      I BELIEVE THAT MEETING SCARRED ME from wanting to meet any other parents because I was able to avoid meeting parents until I was in college. During my sophomore year, I met someone who lived in the same residence hall. We would get together once or twice a week depending on the workload from our classes. When spring break was coming up, I agreed to go home with them for the weekend to meet their folks. Talk about a risk; but I agreed to it because I planned on going home from their house the day after arriving. I only had to get through one night. As it turned out, the parents were this soft-spoken couple who were kind and curious. I found myself feeling relaxed after a couple of hours of being with them. It was weird; I was having an adult conversation with these parents. They asked me what I was hoping to do in college and what I wanted to do after I finished. As I told them, they offered some insightful observations which I appreciated. I felt they would make the perfect in-laws for someone someday. I do not know if I can say the same thing for one of the parents in this action, crime comedy.      WITH HIS WEDDING LOOMING, A BANK manager’s bank was held up the same week as his fiancé’s parents arrived from out of town. It seemed more than a coincidence to him. With Adam Devine (Pitch Perfect franchise, Magic Camp) as Owen Browning, Pierce Brosnan (Black Adam, Mama Mia franchise) as Billy McDermott, Ellen Barkin (Hands of Stone, Animal Kingdom-TV) as Lilly McDermott, Nina Dobrev (The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Then Came You) as Parker and Michael Rooker (The Suicide Squad, Guardians of the Galaxy franchise) as Agent Oldham; this movie had some capable actors in the cast. Unfortunately, the script was a generic mashup of bank heist comedies. With a multitude of jokes that were not that funny, the film dragged on at times. It was not all abysmal; there were spots in the story that were entertaining. I think it was not knowing whether to be a comedy, dramedy or slapstick picture, resulted in weak character development, that tripped everybody up. Viewing this was like sitting with a date’s parents and not knowing what to do.

1 ¾ stars   

Flash Movie Review: Marauders

There has been a culinary phenomenon taking place in my city for the past couple of years. What I find curious about it is the focus has been on a basic American staple, the hamburger. Back when I used to eat hamburgers they were not something I gave much thought to; they were a reliable backup dish, easily found. But something happened where all these new restaurants started popping up around the city that focused on “gourmet” burgers. The majority of these places kept a limited menu: burgers, fries and milkshakes. Each place touted something unique about their hamburger/menu. One food establishment promoted the way they grilled their burgers; another pushed their hand cut fries. The competition was fierce and when everyone was on the same footing, one of the restaurants would do something to make themselves unique. I guess the latest rage, based on the advertisements I have seen, is combining different food items into a hamburger. Out of the blue there now is something called the mac and cheese burger which is a hamburger stuffed with macaroni and cheese. As I drove by one place I saw they are promoting a breakfast burger. My curiosity got the better of me so I had to look up and see what it was and I have to say, even if I was a hamburger lover, I would never order one. The breakfast burger had strips of bacon on top with a layer of hash browns. Inside the burger was cooked eggs with onions and if that was not enough, there was a sausage patty on the very top of the stack. Honestly it just floors me; I would love to sit in on one of the restaurant chains’ marketing meetings to see who thinks up these concoctions. It sounds to me as if every place is picking bits and pieces of other food chains and combining them in the hopes of creating something new. That theory applies to this crime movie.   WHEN one specific bank became the target of several brutal heists FBI agent Montgomery, played by Christopher Meloni (42, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit-TV), felt the criminals wanted something more than just the bank’s money. This action film also starred Bruce Willis (Looper, The Fifth Element) as Hubert, Adrian Grenier (The Devil Wears Prada, Entourage-TV) as Wells and Dave Bautista (Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick) as Stockwell. I thought the actors were the right choice for the roles, though I felt the characters were not much of a stretch for any of them. The issue was the script; to me it was a hodgepodge of different ideas that never blended well. At one point I found myself confused with the characters; which was a shame because the action scenes were not that bad, though still quite violent. This movie’s story did not offer anything new or creative. Instead I felt I was watching bits and pieces from other pictures that were twisted into this story in the hopes of presenting the viewer something new. It did not work; this still was simply a bank robbery picture.

 

1 ¾ stars