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Flash Movie Review: Unfrosted
I DO NOT REMEMBER WHAT AGE I became where I no longer found kids’ jokes funny. There was the constant “knock, knock” jokes, along with jokes like “Why did the chocolate chip cookie go to see the doctor?” He felt crummy. Or “What’s a pirate’s favorite class to take in school?” Arrrrrt. At some point, I had heard them so much they were no longer funny to me. Even today, I have a couple of friends who constantly tell the same type of jokes multiple times. At some point I can no longer pretend they are funny; the jokes lose their surprise element. Changing a word here and there does not change the joke. I feel the same way about food companies that introduce different variations of their best-selling items. A sandwich filled cookie where the filling changes and gets weirder does not appeal to me. I am here to say, I am not on the pumpkin spice bandwagon. When I walk through the aisles of the grocery store and see so many products with this flavor, I cannot make sense of it. Why would I want my pasta, butter, or salmon to taste like pumpkin spice? NOW THERE IS ONE FOOD ITEM I do not care what they do to it because I was never a fan of it. I was never attracted to food items that had fruit filled centers. When Pop Tarts were introduced, I was curious about them but did not want to eat one. The only time I tried them was when I was at a friend’s house. If their mother offered me one, I did not want to be rude by saying no, so would take one and try to eat it. Many times, I would eat around the edges because there was so little fruit filling there. It would be times like that where I wished my friend’s mom would have chocolate chip cookies, which were my favorite. I believe the other reason I was not a fan of Pop Tarts was because they could be toasted. In my mind, if something is going into the toaster then it is meant to be eaten for breakfast or it is bread. I could not tell if this fruit filled item was a dessert or snack item. Now that you know I get tired of the same jokes told repeatedly and am not a fan of Pop Tarts, what do you think I thought about this biographical comedy? LOCKED IN A BITTER RIVALRY FOR store shelves, it was a race to see which food company could come out with a completely new food item that would change everyone’s minds about breakfast and dessert. With Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld-TV, Curb Your Enthusiasm-TV) as Bob Cabana, Jim Gaffigan (Collide, Peter Pan & Wendy) as Edsel Kellogg III, Hugh Grant (Wonka, Love Actually) as Thurl Ravenscroft, Amy Schumer (I Feel Pretty, The Humans) as Marjorie Post and Melissa McCarthy (Genie, The Little Mermaid) as Donna Stankowski; I honestly thought with this cast, along with the variety of celebrity cameo roles, there would be no way this film, written and directed by Jerry Seinfeld, would not be funny. I was completely wrong. Not only was it not funny, but it was lame. I do not know if I can honestly say if there was any acting taking place. The script was so boring and ridiculous that I only kept watching because I thought it would have to get better at some point. Instead of appearing like a movie, this felt like a series of comedy bits that kept falling flat. The only time where I showed interest in humor was one exchange between Melissa and Hugh; that was it. I would have enjoyed seeing how Pop Tarts came into existence, but I believe there was only a speck of truth the script was based on, and the rest was slapstick nonsense. For viewers who grew up during that time, the retro references could be fun, but so many of the shown ones were attached to some nonsensical scene that instead it could become irritating. There was nothing fun or entertaining about this picture. Even if I loved Pop Tarts, I still would not have subjected myself to watching this if I had known what the script was going to be. This film had no shelf life and was stale from the start.
1 star
Flash Movie Review: The House with a Clock in its Walls
LEARNING THE HISTORY ABOUT FAMILY MEMBERS can be a fun experience. Some of the things I found out about my relatives seem so out of character to the people I knew. There is a relative of mine who holds the patent on some particular lint trap that is part of a washing machine. Another family member was a gangster. In the family I had an umbrella maker, a butcher and the owner of the first cable boxes that came into existence. As you can see the list is quite varied and I get a kick out of the randomness of it. Recently I was talking with a friend about a movie that is coming out later in the year. Based on the trailer I mentioned I was looking forward to seeing this film about Mary, Queen of Scots. You will not believe what he told me about Mary; his family history has a branch of it that is loosely tied to Mary. Listening to the connections between the deceased relatives, I was struck with the fact he was able to remember who married who and whose brother’s sister-in-law was part of the genealogy trail. It was astounding listening to so many generations coming from this one side of his family. THERE IS NOTHING AS FASCINATING IN my family tree as my friend’s; but if I had such knowledge on the history of my family, I wonder what historical facts I would find out about my deceased relatives. One of the things I know is which countries some of my relatives were born in. I remember in school I would check out books from the library that pertained to these countries, wanting to learn about its history and how it came into being the mother and fatherland of my relatives. My knowledge barely goes back 3 generations of my family. Pretty much all I know is how relatives made their way to America. One relative was sent here with her sister when they were in their teens. She was going to be married off to someone she knew back home who had been sent over earlier to get established in a city. I have other relatives who did not want to migrate but had to because of war. There was a story told about brothers who as children had to be hidden in the forest to escape being kidnapped or worse killed by enemy forces. Though the young boy in this family fantasy only had to be shipped to the state of Michigan, he found out there was something special about him and his family tree. ORPHANED DUE TO THE DEATH OF his parents Lewis Barnavelt, played by Owen Vaccaro (Daddy’s Home franchise, Mother’s Day), was sent to live with his uncle Jonathan Barnavelt, played by Jack Black (Goosebumps, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle), who was an odd man. There was a reason why Jonathan was different. With Cate Blanchett (Ocean’s Eight, Thor: Ragnarok) as Florence Zimmerman, Kyle MacLachlan (Blue Velvet, Dune) as Issac Izard and Renee Elise Goldsberry (Sisters, The Good Wife-TV) as Selena Izard; this comedy film was aided by the chemistry between Cate and Jack, which granted seemed an oddball pairing. They were fun together and I enjoyed the way the film started out. I thought it was strange to have Lewis presented with his aviator goggles and bow tie, but at first I did not mind. It was not until the story moved into the 2nd half where I started losing interest. This is where the script was muddy with different references. For me I felt the story was becoming more of a cartoon, meaning silly. With a little more history, development and originality; this picture would have been more enjoyable for me.
1 ¾ stars
moviejoltz 