Flash Movie Review: The Lone Ranger

The first musical notes may not be recognized by younger people, but almost everyone else will know the William Tell Overture. As soon as I hear the music I can recall the excitement I had seeing a majestic white horse standing on its hind legs, the rider dressed in white except for his black mask as he exclaimed, “Hi-Yo, Silver!  Away!” Danger, thrills, disguises and chases are things I associate with the Lone Ranger. He was a strong character who fought for justice, alongside his Native American companion Tonto. In this action film you at least get the white horse. For nearly 2 1/2 hours you get a boring, ridiculous mess of a movie. Johnny Depp (Dark Shadows, The Rum Diary) played an ancient Tonto telling in flashbacks his story of witnessing the transformation of John Reid into the Lone Ranger, played by Armie Hammer (Mirror Mirror, J. Edgar). I am tired of movie studios slapping bizarre makeup and costumes on Johnny, thinking that is all that is needed to make a memorable character. Sure, I remember the outfit but I also remember Johnny hardly did any acting worth noting. Partners need chemistry to convince the audience that they have a solid bond and are there for each other. I did not feel any such thing between Armie and Johnny. Having the older Tonto tell the story was utterly useless; it did nothing to enhance the story except the duration of the movie’s running time. The explosions were well done and a couple of chase scenes had some thought put into them, but it was like watching fireworks. The story was so disconnected I felt I was just watching one fight after another. The only decent acting came from Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton, The Debt) as businessman Cole and William Fichtner (Contact, Black Hawk Down) as outlaw Butch Cavendish. The best way to watch this film would be going out for a meal at the start of the movie then arrive back for the last 1/2 hour of the film. At least you will get to hear the William Tell Overture. Better yet, download the music and look for an old episode of the television show to watch. There were a couple of scenes with blood and one particularly disturbing scene.


1 2/3 stars


About moviejoltz

From a long line of movie afficionados, one brother was the #1 renter of movies in the country with Blockbuster, I am following in the same traditions that came before me. To balance out the long hours seated in dark movie theaters, I also teach yoga and cycling. For the past 3 years, I have correctly picked the major Oscar winners... so join me as we explore the wonder of movies and search for that perfect 4 star movie.

Posted on July 5, 2013, in Thriller and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.

  1. Oh dear, sounds like a big disappointment.

  2. “at least you get the horse” — epic 🙂

  3. Thanks for the review. I will wait for this one on Netflix.

  4. Darn! I had such high hopes for this one, though have to say I was not impressed with the previews I saw on TV, either. On the TV clips it seemed Tonto’s character was closely related to Captain Jack Sparrow. Guess I’ll go watch those old Clayton Moore reruns.


  5. Sounds like you loved it. I finished review earlier. It’ll go up Monday or Tuesday. I think you’ll enjoy it.

  6. I was looking forward to the movie – but now not so much. Thanks for the great review!

  7. We will definitely skip it now. Johnny Depp in or out of ridiculous make-up does not do it for me, and the studio should have felt pressure not only to make a good film, but to honor the memory of the original LR, as well as the nostalgia that people have for it. Armie Hammer as an actor seems very likeable, but watching Letterman try to get any information about this movie out of Depp last week was like trying to pry open a pistachio (with the added bonus of a faux British accent, a la Madonna). Too bad about their chemistry.

    • Smart move by skipping the film. I am surprised to hear about Armie’s Letterman interview; he comes across as being easy and approachable from what I have seen of him. I love your line about prying open a pistachio. Thanks for coming by to leave your comments.

  8. Oh,no, Armie has been great on talk shows–it was Depp on Letterman who was crazy and speaking British. Just clarifying. 🙂

    • Oops my mistake. See what happens when one has had a long day of work, teaching and reviewing. lol Thanks for pointing out my confusion; it certainly makes better sense for me now.

  9. Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors. Unfortunately his talent is wasted on too many forgettable movies. I’ll listen to the music and skip this one.

    • If you have not seen it yet, can I suggest Johnny’s movie Finding Neverland. He was wonderful in it. Enjoy the William Tell overture and thanks for coming by.

  10. Thanks for this review – have not seen it yet. I am old enough to remember the original! Thanks for the recent like for one of my posts.

    • It was my pleasure, I enjoyed your site. If you decide to see this film you will have to forget the original. It will only make you more disappointed. Thank you for coming by.

  11. Thanks for saving me from this. A friend has been lobbying me to go, but I’l pass for sure.

  12. I absolutely and totally DISAGREE with everything you’ve written about this film–with one exception–yeah, the William Tell Overture is GREAT.

    • In that case, I am glad we found mutual ground with the music. I appreciate you coming by to leave your comments.

      • Well it was very kind of you to visit my blogcasa and leave a “like” of my very contrary viewpoint of the film. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to follow tracks back to your ‘house’. I do love watching that horse race across the top of the train while the WTO is playing full blast. It’s GREAT FUN.

  13. I too am sick of the makeup on Depp. Thank for the review. I was looking forward to watching it and still will, but not in much of hurry to do so now. 🙂

  14. thank you so much for reading my blog. I look forward to reading through your posts and movie reviews.

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