Flash Movie Review: Machete Kills

Tucked in the middle of the block between several small storefronts was a small independent movie theater. It was only 4 blocks away from where I grew up. I found my love of movies in this little theater with its freshly popped popcorn and assorted candies, that sat in a glass case that was partially held together with thick black tape. There was a period of time where I could be found every Saturday afternoon at the theater’s matinee showing. I had no understanding of what it meant to be a “B” movie back then, but I was exposed to all types of feature films. From killer robots to dogs saving their masters to family road trips in a long trailer; I loved every one of those movies. Looking back at those films, today they would be considered campy. They bring a nostalgic, fun flair from a different time to mind. In this action thriller sequel, writer and director Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Once Upon a Time in Mexico) was looking to create the look and feel of a classic “B” movie. Danny Trejo (Heat, From Dusk till Dawn) reprised his role as the unstoppable Machete. In this installment the President of the United States enlisted the help of Machete to take down an arms dealer who was determined to destroy life on this planet as we knew it. With the help of Miss San Antonio, played by Amber Heard (Zombieland, Pineapple Express), Machete would first have to cut through an assortment of villains hell-bent on killing him. The fun part in watching this bloody crime film was seeing the variety of celebrities who agreed to take part in the cheesy story. For example there was Sofia Vergara (Four Brothers, Modern Family-TV) as machine gun packing Desdemona and musical artist Lady Gaga as the ever changing La Camaleon. Where I enjoyed the first film, even with all of its blood, violence and fresh campy quality; this movie took its uniqueness and beat you over the head with it. All it seemed to do was replay the same joke over and over, only with different characters. After a short while I did not find it funny anymore or very creative; I became bored with the nonsense. There is nothing wrong in making a parody of a genre of movies; but the idea needed to be expanded upon. In the case of this film trying to be a “B” movie, the “B” stood for bad. There was a flood of blood and violence throughout the film. If you see this movie, stay through the credits.


1 3/4 stars


About moviejoltz

From a long line of movie afficionados, one brother was the #1 renter of movies in the country with Blockbuster, I am following in the same traditions that came before me. To balance out the long hours seated in dark movie theaters, I also teach yoga and cycling. For the past 3 years, I have correctly picked the major Oscar winners... so join me as we explore the wonder of movies and search for that perfect 4 star movie.

Posted on October 15, 2013, in Thriller and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. I’m a big fan of Robert Rodriguez but I wasn’t a big fan of the first film. I thought it was ok. I’ll see this at some point.

  2. I believe a “B” film comes from the days when movie goers enjoyed not only a cinematic cartoon (“What’s up, Doc?”) but TWO movies. There was the lead movie, the “A” film, and the second film, known as the “B” film. All that and popcorn too! Thanks for the stop by 🙂
    Blue Skies,

  3. I enjoyed the first film. It wasn’t the greatest or most original storytelling but it was entertaining. I want to see this one but it fell into the “wait for DVD” category as soon as watched the first trailer. Danny Trejo is also in another movie that I would like to see called Death in Tombstone but at last check, Netflix didn’t even have it as a rental.

    Your review of this film made me think of The Crow with Brandon Lee. I thoroughly enjoyed the first film and was really looking forward to City of Angels but it was incredibly disappointing being the exact same story with different characters in s new setting. Still, I gave the other Crow movies a chance and each one seemed to be worse than the one that came before it.

    • It is a smart movie on your part to wait for DVD to see this poorly done movie. I think the lure of making more money gives studios to throw common sense to the wind and just throw out a piece of junk for a sequel.

      • As of right now, I only have Netflix streaming. I did have the DVD subscription but when they ran out of DVDs that I wanted to see, I dropped it. I will probably pick it up again in early 2014 and begin adding movies to the queue that I haven’t seen yet. Machete Kills may or may not make the cut but if it does, it will be towards the bottom of the list.

  4. Again, agreed. Machete Kills’ biggest issue is that it just doesn’t feel fresh, probably in no small part because the director has already made this flick once before.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: