Flash Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Deep in the recesses of your mind, unbeknownst to you, is a fond memory from your childhood. No matter what kind of early life was experienced, there usually is at least one thing you recall fondly. The trigger that ignites this memory could easily be one of the most innocuous things on the planet. When you encounter this catalyst the deeply embedded memory rises to the surface of your mind like a deep sea diving bell. This recently happened to me when I saw an old-fashioned candy called Dots in a 3 year old’s hand. The sweet treat has multicolored hard drops of candy stuck on a strip of paper that looks like it belongs in a cash register. One could remove each candy piece with their fingertips; but if one wanted to be real cool, they would use their teeth to peel the candy off the strip of paper. As soon as I saw that candy the memory of the candy store where I always bought those Dots appeared at the edges of my eyes. A tiny place planted on the corner of the block, the shop owner was oversized with arms that gave the warmest hugs. I had forgotten how safe and happy I was whenever I was in her store; the memory flooded me with a sense of calm, joyful peacefulness.    JUST as I relived that memory so will many of you experience a past time in your life when you see this reboot of the warrior turtles. With New York City under siege by sinister forces, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were forced above ground in what would be the ultimate test for all of their past training. This action adventure had modern CGI technology working in its favor. The chases and fights were tight and big. Starring Megan Fox (Transformers franchise, Jennifer’s Body) as April O’Neil and Will Arnett (When in Rome, Arrested Development-TV) as Vernon Fenwick, this was where this comedy film quickly deteriorated. Besides being annoying the script was filled with lame jokes and references. The story was at a television cartoon level and though I did not necessarily have an issue with it, after a short time I felt the scenes lacked any real excitement. If it was not for the fight scenes I would have been even more bored than I already was with this movie. I feel once viewers who remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles see this film they will discover their memories were better than these updated characters. For those who did not follow the Ninja Turtles, they may find this was a picture that will soon be forgotten.

 

2 stars

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About moviejoltz

From a long line of movie afficionados, one brother was the #1 renter of movies in the country with Blockbuster, I am following in the same traditions that came before me. To balance out the long hours seated in dark movie theaters, I also teach yoga and cycling. For the past 3 years, I have correctly picked the major Oscar winners... so join me as we explore the wonder of movies and search for that perfect 4 star movie.

Posted on August 11, 2014, in Fantasy/Sci-Fi and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Awwh..I loved this as a kid..and I still love it as an adult 🙂

  2. Hollywood has severely mangled the original vision of Eastman and Laird. The original comic book series was dark, violent and mature. There were no contrived attempts at humor so much as a group of genuine badasses that weren’t afraid to get bloody.

    Hollywood took all of that out and replaced it with lame jokes and eye candy. The 90’s movie wasn’t very good and the sequel was even worse. With this new offering, I expected pretty much the same only with more CGI and your review confirms my fears.

  3. mm hmm…I pretty much figured this shit would suck. TMNT when I was growing up (I’m 28 btw) was just awesome. From just the previews..you couldn’t pay me to watch this.

    You know some other blockbuster annihilation of our childhood memories is coming. They just keep churning this shit out, making one useless movie after another.

    Thanks for saving me time,yet again 🙂

    • Always a pleasure to save a movie viewer money. I truly feel marketing has ruined the movie industry. BTW, there were a bunch of product placements in this film. Thanks for your comments.

  4. I’ll never understand why they don’t leave well enough alone. This movie shaped my sons’ childhood days in many ways and I love the turtles! AS THEY WERE. No CG. No Megan Fox. Shoot, I was bummed when they created a third movie and switched actresses for April! The absolute best thing about the Harry Potter movies was the continuity with the exception of Richard Harris. The campy, 80’s mood of the original Turtles film was part of its allure. Why can’t Hollywood create anything new and creative?

    • Cheryl I wish I had the answer to your question. Bummer this movie will not provide the fun that the original turtles offered everyone. Thanks for coming by to leave your comments.

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