Razzie Award Predictions

This past Oscar season I have discovered new things about myself. From the nearby couple who kept talking during the movie I learned restraint; instead of asking them to look around and notice they are not sitting at home in their living room, I quietly whispered the “shhh” sound. During a particularly tedious film I realized I could do several yoga poses if I lifted up the armrests of my seat. Due to my keen observations I figured out to never sit near anyone who is carrying a large bag, purse or backpack; they inevitably have food in them, from candy to full size meals and cannot help but make munching, slurping or crunching noises. There is one other thing I learned and that is realizing how strong my determination can be. No matter how awful the film, I refused to nap or get up and walk out of the theater. As a result I have seen a whole bunch of movies I would normally never bother seeing. So I am going to try something new here and predict the Golden Raspberry Awards, also known as the Razzies. These awards for the worst performances and picture were started in 1980 by the American copywriter and publicist J.B. Wilson. If nothing else consider this my little gift to you in the form of a cheat sheet on what to avoid, thereby saving  yourself time and money. Without further ado please find below the winners for the worst of last year.

Worst Actor: Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger

This was close since Johnny was up against Sylvester Stallone who was nominated worst actor in three different movies. I chose Johnny because he coasted through this role, bringing nothing of value. Sylvester was simply trying not to act his age in boring movies.

Worst Actress: Halle Berry in The Call and Movie 43

With Naomi Watts being nominated for Diana and Movie 43, this could easily go her way. Both women were awful in their films. I did not see nominee Lindsay Lohan in The Canyons.

Worst Supporting Actor: Chris Brown in Battle of the Year

A pathetic performance for a silly film.

Worst Supporting Actress: Kim Kardashian in Tyler Perry’s Temptation

All my classes know not to mention the “K” word; not one family member’s name shall ever be uttered during class. So it kills me that Kim gets the award.

Worst Picture: Movie 43

I was torn here between this film and The Lone Ranger. Both would be suitable for worst film of the year; however, I went with Movie 43 because I found it offensive. The Lone Ranger was simply dumb.

May you avoid these lame movies unless you have a white elephant movie party, where everyone sits around and makes fun of the film.

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About moviejoltz

From a long line of movie afficionados, one brother was the #1 renter of movies in the country with Blockbuster, I am following in the same traditions that came before me. To balance out the long hours seated in dark movie theaters, I also teach yoga and cycling. For the past 3 years, I have correctly picked the major Oscar winners... so join me as we explore the wonder of movies and search for that perfect 4 star movie.

Posted on February 27, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. Fortunately I haven’t seen any of them and now I know I don’t have to. Thank you 🙂

  2. Halle Berry really seems attracted to Razzie style roles. She needs a new agent

    • I like that and agree with you. For the life of me I do not understand why actors settle for poor quality. I would hate to think that it is only about the paycheck. Happy Oscar weekend to you.

  3. We are on point of agreement on Worst Picture. Oh my goodness I could not STAND Movie 43. It’s intention was to passively-aggressively insult its audience by giving them a movie that defied logic and reason. It was, on every level conceivable, the worst thing I’ve ever seen (so far). Nevermind worst picture of the year. Sorry you had to see it, too! 🙂

  4. Ohhh yes, Joltz.. me too I hate those who eat at the cinema! Grrr 😛

  5. A beautiful change from the sea of Oscar previews. Nice work sir.

  6. I agree Depp should win the worst acting job. Fun post 🙂

  7. “No matter how awful the film, I refused to nap or get up and walk out of the theater. As a result I have seen a whole bunch of movies I would normally never bother seeing.”

    …and that’s why your reviews have depth and credibility! Thanks for taking one for your readers when a movie is a dog!

  8. Ough Hale Berry again!
    😀

    I haven’t watch any of them.

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