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Razzie Award Predictions

This past Oscar season I have discovered new things about myself. From the nearby couple who kept talking during the movie I learned restraint; instead of asking them to look around and notice they are not sitting at home in their living room, I quietly whispered the “shhh” sound. During a particularly tedious film I realized I could do several yoga poses if I lifted up the armrests of my seat. Due to my keen observations I figured out to never sit near anyone who is carrying a large bag, purse or backpack; they inevitably have food in them, from candy to full size meals and cannot help but make munching, slurping or crunching noises. There is one other thing I learned and that is realizing how strong my determination can be. No matter how awful the film, I refused to nap or get up and walk out of the theater. As a result I have seen a whole bunch of movies I would normally never bother seeing. So I am going to try something new here and predict the Golden Raspberry Awards, also known as the Razzies. These awards for the worst performances and picture were started in 1980 by the American copywriter and publicist J.B. Wilson. If nothing else consider this my little gift to you in the form of a cheat sheet on what to avoid, thereby saving ¬†yourself time and money. Without further ado please find below the winners for the worst of last year.

Worst Actor: Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger

This was close since Johnny was up against Sylvester Stallone who was nominated worst actor in three different movies. I chose Johnny because he coasted through this role, bringing nothing of value. Sylvester was simply trying not to act his age in boring movies.

Worst Actress: Halle Berry in The Call and Movie 43

With Naomi Watts being nominated for Diana and Movie 43, this could easily go her way. Both women were awful in their films. I did not see nominee Lindsay Lohan in The Canyons.

Worst Supporting Actor: Chris Brown in Battle of the Year

A pathetic performance for a silly film.

Worst Supporting Actress: Kim Kardashian in Tyler Perry’s Temptation

All my classes know not to mention the “K” word; not one family member’s name shall ever be uttered during class. So it kills me that Kim gets the award.

Worst Picture: Movie 43

I was torn here between this film and The Lone Ranger. Both would be suitable for worst film of the year; however, I went with Movie 43 because I found it offensive. The Lone Ranger was simply dumb.

May you avoid these lame movies unless you have a white elephant movie party, where everyone sits around and makes fun of the film.

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Flash Movie Review: After Earth

Since the National Spelling Bee was held last week, I thought we could do a word of the day. Today’s word is “dynasty.” The dictionary defines dynasty as a succession of people from the same family who play a prominent role in business, politics or in this case entertainment. I do not have an issue with actors bringing their children into the business. The only thing that matters to me is whether they are good actors or not. As for their personal lives I am not interested in the news that comes out of the tabloids. At one point while watching this science fiction movie, I felt a psychiatrist’s office would have been a better venue for Will Smith (Hancock, Seven Pounds) and his son Jaden Smith (The Karate Kid, The Day the Earth Stood Still). Playing father and son Cypher Raige and Kitai Raige, the two seemed out of synch. Based on Will’s story, if I had known M. Night Shyamalan (The Last Airbender, The Village) was the director; I would have seriously considered waiting to watch this movie on DVD and not waste my money. The story had nothing special to offer. Encouraged by his wife Faia, played by Sophie Okoedo (The Secret Life of Bees, Skin), Cypher brought his son along on his last space mission. The idea was for them to have some father and son bonding time; but when their spacecraft crash landed on a hostile planet, the inexperienced Kitai had to venture out alone to find the ship’s emergency beacon. The first thing that struck me about this film was the cheap looking props and poor CGI effects. Some of the items looked as if they were purchased from a home and bath decor discount store. After being mesmerized by the tiger in the film LIfe of Pi, all the animals in this movie looked phony. For a science fiction movie there was little science fiction in it. The nearly two hours were filled with stiff performances and corny lines. The problem with this film I believe is when someone is trying to build a dynasty; they do not want anyone around to question them or their motives. If Will wanted to have quality time with his son he should have taken him camping or on a road trip to check out potential colleges. Throw Mr. Shyamalan into the mix and you wind up with a science fiction movie this is stranger than fiction. A couple of brief scenes that showed blood.

 

1 2/3 stars

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