Flash Movie Review: Noah

You are sitting back letting your friend tell the assembled group of friends about an incident that happened to the two of you. Everyone is laughing at a particular funny part of the story. As you are following along with your friend’s narrative, you suddenly hear something that clashes with your memory of the event. While still listening to your friend you are quickly going over the chain of events you remember, wondering if your memory is starting to fail you. As your friend continues to veer off from the way you remembered the story, the group of friends haven’t a clue and are enjoying the tale even more. The first opportunity to talk to your friend the narrator was not until the two of you were riding home from the restaurant. When you asked them why they changed the story, making it a more elaborate less truthful scenario, they replied a story is not worth telling if you cannot exaggerate it and provide better entertainment value. I can understand the point they were making since I have been known to tell a tale or two, with something called creative license. In this adventure drama, writer and director Darren Aronofsky (The Fountain, Black Swan) used artistic license to put his own spin on the biblical tale of Noah. Russell Crowe (Man of Steel, A Beautiful Mind) and Jennifer Connelly (Blood Diamonds, Winter’s Tale) played Noah and his wife Naameh. Upon receiving visions of impending doom for the Earth, Noah set out to build an ark that would save all that was good about the planet. This movie was utterly bizarre to me, taking on a science fiction aspect that I found totally ridiculous. Who knew there were prehistoric Transformers in biblical times?! Not only did I find the story silly, but I found it boring as well. The acting was nothing special and I am saying this even with Emma Watson (The Bling Ring, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) and Anthony Hopkins (Hitchcock, The Rite) being part of the cast. I especially felt the story line of Ham, played by Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson franchise, 3:10 to Yuma) was poorly done. The only redeeming quality to this film was the visual aspect. Though none of the animals were real I did enjoy their scenes along with the start of the flooding. In the case of this disaster film or should I say disastrous film, elaborating the story did nothing to make it a more entertaining experience.


1 3/4 stars



About moviejoltz

From a long line of movie afficionados, one brother was the #1 renter of movies in the country with Blockbuster, I am following in the same traditions that came before me. To balance out the long hours seated in dark movie theaters, I also teach yoga and cycling. For the past 3 years, I have correctly picked the major Oscar winners... so join me as we explore the wonder of movies and search for that perfect 4 star movie.

Posted on March 31, 2014, in Drama and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. Well, you certainly didn’t like it! 😉 I love that Percy Jackson kid. He’s got potential.

  2. I haven’t seen this movie nor do I have any intention of wasting my time or money on it. Everything I have read about it has convinced me it is so far from the truth of the real story in the Bible that it is ridiculous and blasphemous, if you will. I cringe when I think that it just makes a joke of the truths in scripture.

    • Elaine, thank you for coming by to leave your comments. I can understand how the writers want to make a story entertaining but the combination of different genres in this well known story was quite odd.

  3. You’re review echoes mine in many regards. Not a fan either.

  4. Well Anthony Hopkins did say he only did Thor for the money. Could history be repeating itself?
    But transformers: are you serious?

    • Alastair it was so weird to have the science fiction element with these huge talking creatures. And regarding Mr. Hopkins, I guess money talks. Thanks for coming by again and leaving your comments.

  5. How can anyone say this movie is blasphemous? It is so far fetched. Did anyone say it was a true account of the bible. I am not religious, nor have I read the bible but surely that all didn’t really happen? Wasn’t this just a movie, a story, a piece of fiction?Transformers-golems 🙂 firing up to ‘heaven’? Anthony Hopkins rummaging around looking for some berries. Ham…being a ham etc. etc.
    I went to see this movie today as we had free tickets expiring in two days and nothing else was on. I liked the effects, the animals, the flooding and the growth of the forest. I am not a lover of Russell Crowe but I enjoyed his…albeit cheesy role. I couldn’t recommend it but I must say I sat through it o.k.

    • I agree that the bottom line is whether the movie is entertaining or not; and I am afraid, the movie was not very entertaining for me. Like you I am not a bible reader, but I felt the story was part sci-fy and part swashbuckler. Thank you so much for coming by to leave your comments; I appreciate it.

  6. I’ve read several other accounts from friends who have seen it, and they concur. This is not what they expected nor is it worth seeing.

  7. imagine if we made this film back in the day and used real animals because there was no computer generated stuff. at least then when the acting was rubbish we could still marvel at the animals.

  8. I wish I read your review before we spent $26.00 to see this disastrous film. I told my husband that you would probably give it a 1 3/4 rating. The first thing my husband said was that was 3 hours he could never get back. Watchers??????? what was that?

    • Oh I am so sorry you went to this movie before reading my review. Bummer you had to spend your money on it. Like you, I was dumbfounded by the Watchers. Thank you for stopping by to leave your comments.

  9. The movie helped me remember why I’m not a fan of the bible old or new. The traditional telling wouldn’t have likely been any better. I think I got caught up in the trailers, because twenty minutes in I had to ask myself what I was doing there.

  10. I am so glad you stopped by and Liked my post on The Last Half for two reasons:

    The obvious one, and that it brought me here. Now I can quickly find out which movies to avoid. I wasted time watching Noah–time from my life I’ll never get back. I couldn’t stop–truly, I just couldn’t stop. It was so awful, so stupid, so boring, so profoundly DUMB a film, I kept waiting for the redeeming part. Unbelievably, it just kept getting worse.

    Thanks again!

    • Hey I am so glad to meet you and hope I can save you money by steering you away from the poorly done films that seem to be coming out more and more these day. Thanks for coming by to tell me and keep up your great postings.

  11. I think it was made to appeal to the Christian views after popularity of films and TV shows. But the changing of the story with the emphasis on the adornment was a shock. Seems to me that the director should have changed the title and just told his story or to have been more true to the Biblical account. I haven’t seen it, tough we go to many films. The cost these days make some choice be necessary !

  12. Prehistoric Transformers? Now might have to go see it. Sounds like a classic B-movie to me.

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