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Flash Movie Review: Identity Thief
It took me a longer time than usual to write this movie review. I had to look and see if I was being overly sensitive. As some of you may already know, the “F” word that I never say is F-A-T. Having been called that word throughout my childhood, I grew to despise the word and everything associated with it. If the movie studio had used an actress that was slender, I wondered if the comedy scenes would have still worked. The story was about Sandy Patterson, played by Jason Bateman (Horrible Bosses, Arrested Development-TV), who traveled to Florida to find the woman who had stolen his identity. Besides maxing out his charge cards and ruining his credit, there was also a warrant out for his arrest. Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids, Mike & Molly-TV) played the fraudster Diana. To answer my earlier question, several scenes would not have worked with a slimmer actress. No matter who would have been cast, the fact was this movie was not funny. Though I will say Melissa did her best with what was thrown at her, using her impeccable comedic timing. The scenes shown in the movie trailers were the best parts of this bad movie. Didn’t someone read the finished script; it made no sense and was poorly thought out. Besides the main story, the writers threw in a second story about two henchmen chasing Diana for selling their boss bad, fake credit cards. If that was not enough there was another story line about a skip tracer, played by Robert Patrick (Gangster Squad, Walk the Line), who was hunting down the fake Sandy Patterson. I commend Melissa for all the physical comedy she had to perform, but it was such a constant stream that it turned into a ridiculous, slurry of lame stunts. The use of John Cho (Star Trek, Harold & Kumar franchise) and Amanda Peet (Identity, A Lot like Love) was a waste for the little screen time they had for their roles. There was one part I did not mind and it was the scene with Eric Stonestreet (Bad Teacher, Modern Family-TV) as Big Chuck. After re-reading this review I have to say I found this film offensive.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Red Dawn
Everything in this action movie such as explosions, gun battles and chases would be ideal if they were all in a video game. If only the armrests had been equipped with joysticks I would have had something to do…like blowing up the entire town on the movie screen. I cannot believe someone at the movie studio sat down and tossed out the idea of doing a remake of a movie that was average at best. And then someone actually replied in the affirmative, offering an updated spin on the original story is mind blowing. In this new version, sections of the United States were taken over in a surprise attack by North Korean forces. On leave, marine Jed Eckert, played by Chris Hemsworth (The Avengers, Snow White and the Huntsman), headed up a group of local teenagers (trust me I am not making this up) to take on the enemy. Josh Peck (The Wackness, What Goes Up) who played Jed’s younger brother Matt, went through this movie in a near catatonic state or maybe he thought he was acting. I still am perplexed why Chris Hemsworth took this role, along with Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games, The Kids are All Right) as Robert Kitner and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Possession, The Losers) as Tanner. The dialog was dreadful, both corny and cliched. Not being a fan of the shaky camera filming effect, I was just annoyed with it here. As for the story it was looney. The idea of this band of kids taking on the North Koreans after they just outsmarted all of the United States’ defenses, was crazy. One would have thought Chris with The Avengers and Josh with The Hunger Games would have made enough money to allow them the luxury of being more selective in their choice of movie roles. A more suitable title for this film would have been Real Dull.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Madea’s Witness Protection
When you think about it, I suppose you could cast Madea as an employee for the Department of Motor Vehicles or have her be a customer service representative for an insurance company. Would it really make any difference? I mean seriously, will this franchise continue until we watch Madea going into a nursing home? Tyler Perry (Madea Goes to Jail, Good Deeds) who is Madea deserves credit for keeping many people employed at his Tyler Perry Studios in Atlanta, along with his charitable donations. However, after seeing this tired movie, I felt he could have done much better with the script. In this latest installment; George Needleman, played by Eugene Levy (American Reunion, Taking Woodstock), was a naive businessman who was set up to be his company’s fall guy for a ponzi scheme. With an opportunity to decipher the trail of money and clear his name, Mr. Needleman with his family had to go into a witness protection type of arrangement. And that is where Madea came into the picture. I cannot tell you how bored I was with the stereotypical, low humor about the cultural differences between the families, aka races. Or having Madea say the same threatening things to people; I was able to mimic the lines in my mind at the same time. This was a lowbrow portrayal of shallow people, nothing more. Even copying a scene from the movie Ghost did nothing to make this viewing experience any more pleasurable. Mr. Perry, either write better screenplays or retire Madea already.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Girl in Progress
One could assume from the title we would be watching a female who still had some work to do; let us say, in her personal growth. However, the title could just as well been called movie in progress. This film was a perfect example of taking a decent idea and ruining it with poor execution. Eva Mendes (Hitch, The Other Guys) as Grace was a single mother, trying to make ends meet, while carrying on an affair with a married man. Her daughter Ansiedad, played by relative newcomer Cierra Ramierz, believed she could speed up her transformation from an angst ridden adolescent to adult woman by following a list of experiences. Think of it as a “bucket list” for teens. Eva who I have liked in the past, I only found annoying in this movie. I thought Cierra did an okay job of acting with the horrible script. Several of the scenes in this boring movie were not believable to me. It really was a mess, where I suspected the movie studio used focus groups to determine what should be added or deleted from the story line. Bouncing between moments of drama to scenes of attempted humor, the film makers really had no idea what teenagers were all about. If I were to use the pass/fail grading system, this poor movie would receive a fail grade.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Sucker Punch
Everyone, please step aside and let this generation’s new Spice Girls take center stage. These young women, though dressed seductively, were all about the “girl power.” The only difference, or you may think there is no difference, was they could not sing or act. What a poor excuse for a movie; I felt I was watching a video game. The story, if you wish to call it that, was about an abusive step father who hauled off his step daughter to a mental institution, after her mother had died. To prevent her from telling authorities about what he had done to her and her sister, he paid off the warden or top administrator to have her lobotomized. Doesn’t this sound like a fun story? My favorite part of the story had to do with this unfortunate girl being dubbed Babydoll, played by Emily Browning (Sleeping Beauty, The Uninvited), who has a speical gift–when she dances, she can put people into a trance. While she dances her mind enters an unconscious, alternative world where she learns how to plot her escape. I do not believe you need any more information about the story; you get the idea I am sure. Among those joining her in this plan were Vanessa Hudgens (High School franchise, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island) as Blondie and Jena Malone (Into the Wild, Pride & Prejudice) as Rocket. Except for the art direction, this movie was simply wrong on so many levels. The CGI effects were not enough to keep me from being bored by the story. I believe this movie will interest a small range of people: young males.
1 1/2 stars — DVD
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