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Flash Movie Review: Hellboy

THE SOUNDS FROM CONVERSATIONS AROUND ME blurred into a curtain of white noise. I was not focused on any of them, only aware of the background noise they created. Instead, I was pulling travel brochures out of my knapsack, that I had picked up at the hotel before taking myself out to lunch. The restaurant was a local establishment I had read about and was curious to check out. Whenever I travel out of state, I always try to eat at least one meal at a restaurant that is not part of a national chain. When I walked into this place I could smell the smokiness of barbeque in the air. The hostess had placed me in a booth by a window; I not only had a view to their outdoor patio, but I also had a wide view of the dining area inside. There was a constant flow of activity, from patrons walking in and out to the wait staff keeping up with the flow of meals coming out of the kitchen. I liked looking at the different food dishes being ordered; it was a way for me to see what was popular on the menu. After I decided and gave my order to the waitress, I delved into my reading material.      IT WAS DURING THE TAIL END of my meal when I realized that curtain of white noise had dissipated. Looking up from my brochures I noticed a good portion of the restaurant patrons were looking at the front entrance. Standing at the door was a couple with a child. It did not hit me immediately, but pretty darn close that the patrons had stopped talking to stare at this couple. There was nothing I could see that was unusual about the couple. I was hoping they were not staring for this reason, but I knew deep inside it had to be the only reason the diners would have looked up and stopped talking to each other. The couple was biracial. Their child had a mix of features from both parents; dark cocoa skin, soft tightly curled brown hair and light-colored eyes. I was stunned that a biracial couple would draw so much attention. Why would anyone care? I do not have the answer, but it was not until the couple was being led to a table that the other patrons resumed their conversations. What in the world would they have done I wonder, if the main character from this action, adventure fantasy came into the restaurant?     AN ANCIENT SORCERESS KNOWN AS THE Blood Queen, played by Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element, Resident Evil franchise), was plotting her revenge on mankind. Her plan included an unusual offer. With David Harbour (Revolutionary Road, The Green Hornet) as Hellboy, Ian McShane (Hercules, John Wick franchise) as Professor Broom, Brian Gleeson (Logan Lucky, Phantom Thread) as Merlin and Sasha Lane (American Honey, After Everything) as Alice Monaghan; this reboot was filled with blood and violence. In fact, that pretty much says it all about this picture. I found the script lifeless. What I assume was supposed to be humorous remarks bordered on vitriol. There was nothing fun or exciting in this film except Milla’s character. She was the only character that I cared about. I have never read the graphic novels but compared to the original movie, this one was a waste as far as I could tell. In all honesty, watching this film was like seeing a high school production that had not gone through its technical week. I felt different scenarios were shown but never carried all the way through to conclusion. All I can say is it was hell sitting through this film.

 

1 ½ stars        

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Flash Movie Review: The Beach Bum

THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE IT I have found is to smile, nod your head in agreement and slowly try to remove yourself from them. I cannot guarantee it will always work but it usually will lessen the conversation time and hopefully the person will get bored and move on. Now I am not passing any type of judgment on the individual; they are free to do whatever they want to themselves. I just do not have the patience to listen to someone who is drunk or stoned. What bothers me more is when I feel like I am a captive audience to their utterances. For some reason if a person, who is under the influence of something, enters a train car or bus more than likely they will make their way to me. There must be something about me that attracts such individuals; it is like those people who do not like pets and when they walk into a house that has a pet, the animal makes a beeline to them. The only thing I can do when this happens to me on public transportation is either walk to a different train car or try and move to a different seat on the bus. However, this does not always work.      USUALLY AT WEDDINGS OR OTHER SUCH gatherings, I can gracefully extricate myself from the intoxicated person and disappear into the other mingling guests. But guess what happens sometimes? That person winds up sitting at my table. Ugh, it is so annoying when one is trying to enjoy their meal and you have a fellow guest acting silly or nonsensical at the table. I have only experienced this a couple of times where a drunken guest gets so smashed that they hurl whatever they have in their stomach. If it were my celebration I would order a taxi to take the individual home; because trust me, there is nothing worse than sitting at a table full of guests with food and have one person sitting there with soiled clothes, about to pass out. I know there are some people who find amusement in the antics of an inebriated or high individual. Granted some people feel their artistic talent gets accentuated with the help of drugs or alcohol; I honestly don’t know one way or the other. All I know for certain is that I felt like I was being held captive to the meanderings of the drunken and high main character in this comedy.     LIVING LIFE BY HIS OWN RULES had given writer Moondog, played by Matthew McConaughey (The Dark Tower, Serenity) some notoriety in the areas he traveled. It didn’t matter if people did not understand as long as they had fun. Also starring Isla Fisher (Confessions of a Shopaholic, Nocturnal Animals) as Minnie, Snoop Dog (Future World, Unbelievable!!!!!) as Lingerie, Zac Efron (The Greatest Showman, Baywatch) as Flicker and Stefania LaVie Owen (The Lovely Bones, Krampus) as Heather; this movie was torturous for me. Matthew as far as I could tell was doing schtick that quickly got tedious. It felt like he was just exaggerating characters he had played before. Or maybe, it was his own persona that he created that he was portraying. I felt the script had no structure that simply went from one event to another with no connections. Even now I have no idea why this movie was given approval by the studio; though, at one point I wondered if this was based on a true story and we would eventually get to a poignant spot that would make sense of the whole story. No such luck; instead I sat there bored out of my brain watching the nonsense on screen. Sitting through this movie was like being cornered by a drunken person who has no regard for my personal space.

 

1 ½ stars

Flash Movie Review: Dumbo

I FOUND SOMEONE I COULD RELATE to and it was an elephant. Don’t laugh; this little elephant was a character I not only could sympathize with but identify with because of what he was going through in his young life. It was on a Saturday and I remember we took the train down into the city. A theater there was doing a weekend showing of the animated movie Dumbo. As we walked around the corner and I saw the movie theater, I got upset because of all the people lined up trying to get into the theater. I thought for sure all the tickets would be sold before we got up to the box office. By downtown standards this theater was one of the smaller ones which was part of the reason for my fears. All I knew about this little elephant was its ability to fly and I desperately wanted to see it for myself. Flying was something I dreamt about and was hoping I could learn something from Dumbo. As you can see at a young age I was already heavy into fantasy, looking to create a different reality around me. I could not stop fidgeting as we slowly made our way up to the box office.     WITH TICKETS IN HAND WE FOUND seats in the theater; I could not have been more excited. When Dumbo was being made fun of, I felt his pain. I was overweight and endured similar name calling. If I could I would have jumped into the screen to defend Dumbo and let him know he was not alone. I was visibly upset as I sat in my seat. And then suddenly, my sadness and pain disappeared in a puff of air, that I felt from Dumbo’s large ears when they flapped to give him flight for the first time. Seeing that little elephant rise up into the air was pure magic for me. I was told I had big ears, so I wondered if it was at all possible I could teach myself to use my ears along with my flapping arms to allow me to lift off the ground. There in that movie theater I had found someone like me; I wanted to do everything Dumbo could do. If I was ever afraid or uncomfortable I could simply fly away from the situation, soar above any of the pain or name calling I was experiencing. After all these years, I now have the opportunity to see my flying friend once again in this live action, fantasy film.     WHEN CIRCUS OWNER MAX MEDICI, PLAYED by Danny DeVito (Batman Returns, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-TV), bought a pregnant elephant; he never imagined the birth of a baby elephant could change his life so drastically. This family movie also starred Colin Farrell (The Beguiled, The Lobster) as Holt Farrier, Michael Keaton (American Assassin, The Founder) as V.A. Vandevere, Eva Green (Based on a True Story, Penny Dreadful-TV) as Colette Marchant and Alan Arkin (Argo, Going in Style) as J. Griffin Remington. While watching this picture I had a visceral reaction to what was being shown on the movie screen. Except for the variety of fanciful visuals, I thought this movie was an abomination. How did the movie studio okay a story that was dark and so not kid friendly? I was completely shocked by the script and found absolutely nothing fun or joyful in this picture. There were little glimpses of a possible pleasurable scene but for the most part the script and over the top soundtrack drowned any hope of enjoyment. Days later I still was confused how this film got made of such a classic iconic character from animated history. Unless you want to punish your child or yourself, there is no reason to go see this poor version of the classic tale.

 

1 ½ stars

Flash Movie Review: Captive State

MY FIRST WARNING WAS WHEN HE did not ask me how I was doing. I have noticed over time when I engage with a person and they do not ask any questions back, they pretty much are only interested in talking about themselves. In this case we were sitting next to each other at a lecture. We had seen each other in other classes and workshops, acknowledging each other with a nod of the head or a “hello.” Before the lecture had started I asked how his experiences were so far at the convention. He started talking about the classes he had taken, making a point to tell me what he would have done differently if he was leading it. I was just trying to make small talk and was not looking for a detailed description of his classes. As I listened to him it soon became apparent that everything he was saying was negative; he kept telling me he would have done a better job as the instructor or lecturer. Not once did he ever ask me about my time at the convention. I could not wait for our lecture to start because he talked non-stop; but even when the class started, he made a point to interject his take on what the lecturer was discussing with us. I felt like I was being held captive.      THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING stuck with someone who is sucking the air out of the room. Whether it is a business or personal function, I cannot tell you how excruciating it can be to be the sole audience member to a person’s soliloquy of their life and experiences. There was a salesman who used to always come around and all the employees would scatter whenever they saw him drive up. Whoever he made eye contact with would then be forced to listen to all his family stories, mentioning relatives as if the stuck employee knew who he was talking about. What made matters worse was the slow way he would draw out his stories, pausing at points just to see the reaction from his audience. I used to tell him I had a meeting scheduled or I was needed on a conference call, just to get away from him. And like I said earlier, he would never ask how you were doing; because it was all about him. The reason I am talking about this is due to today’s science fiction thriller. I felt like I was being forced to sit and listen to everything going on whether it made or not any sense.      DESPITE BEING UNDER ALIEN RULE FOR some years, there still was a resistance to the occupation of Earth. One of the problems was the humans who were doing the extraterrestrials’ bidding. With John Goodman (Atomic Blonde, 10 Cloverfield Lane) as William Mulligan, Ashton Sanders (Moonlight, The Equalizer 2) as Gabriel Drummond, Jonathan Majors (White Boy Rick, Hostiles) as Rafe Drummond, Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air, The Conjuring franchise) as Jane Doe and Kevin Dunn (Warrior, Veep-TV) as Commissioner Eugene Igoe; this was a dark film that had bold ideas. Filmed in Chicago, the story started out intriguing. There was little information given for the backstory. I sat through most of this movie feeling perplexed and bored, besides wondering why the more seasoned actors agreed to take on such a dismal production. The CGI was nothing special which made the clunky script all the more drab. I did not find anything exciting despite the twists which I assumed were supposed to be thought provoking. If I was the type who ate in the theater I would have gone and gotten some popcorn or candy. Unless you want to be held captive yourself, I suggest you save your money on this one by avoiding it.

 

1 ½ stars

Flash Movie Review: Tyler Perry’s A Madea Family Funeral

IT WAS NOT PLANNED TO BE A PAINFUL experience for the spectators. I was sitting and watching the ice-skating competition; it was the finals. From my memory skaters weren’t as athletic as they were presently. I remember there was more artistry to the skating; the skaters I was seeing had more athletic looking bodies, especially the men. There was a time when jumping in the air and doing three revolutions was the hardest thing a skater could do. Now, if a male ice-skater cannot do four revolutions in the air, chances are they will not win top place in the final standings. The next skater up was in the lead according to the announcer. The young man took to the ice and centered himself in the middle of the ice rink, waiting for his music to begin. There was a hush over the audience as the first note of the music resonated through the arena. Only a couple of passes from side to side were done before the participant did his first jump. Up in the air he went, spinning like a top before landing. However, when his skate came back to the ice he could not keep his balance and fell backwards, onto his backside. It was the first fall out of several; I felt so bad for him.      AFTER THE PERFORMANCE IF THAT WAS not bad enough, I felt awful watching the skater sit and wait for his results. Everyone knew he would not retain his lead to win the championship; he sat there with his head hung down, not looking at the crowd. It was sad when the scores were announced, and he had dropped 6 places back. I could not imagine how he must have felt. At least when an athlete is on a team, the chances improve that one team’s player’s actions will not ruin the game for the whole team. Of course, there are exceptions; but to be the only person responsible for your destiny and you fail miserably, I would think that would be harder on a person. Add in being in the public spotlight, a leading contender, successful in their past performances and I know I would be upset if I did a poor job. Do you know what I think is even worse? When a person decides to end their career or portion of their life’s work on a sour note, instead of leaving on a high. This is exactly what I was thinking about as I sat through what, I have heard, will be the last installment of this comedy franchise.     ON A ROAD TRIP TO ATTEND an anniversary party Madea, played by Tyler Perry (Gone Girl, Good Deeds), and company discover one of the relatives has been cheating on his wife. A party was not the place to air out a couple’s dirty laundry. This movie had some of the usual cast along with new actors such as Cassi Davis (Daddy’s Little Girls, House of Payne-TV) as Aunt Bam, Patrice Lovely (Love Thy Neighbor, Je’Caryous Johnson’s Marriage Material) as Hattie, Ciera Payton (The Runner, Graceland-TV) as Sylvia and KJ Smith (Throwback Holiday, Family Time-TV) as Carol. Sitting through this film was an unpleasant experience for me. I was bored by the same old routines that have been in previous Madea movies making this one so predictable. The script did not offer anything fresh, exciting or positive in my opinion; except for a couple of chuckles. To tell you the truth this picture felt like a rehash of other past movies except the pieces did not quite fit into place. If the reports are true, then this will be the last Madea movie and I hope that is the case. If there are any more of this caliber that I will have to sit through then I am a masochist; this was just painful.

 

1 ½ stars  

Flash Movie Review: Serenity

IT WAS AN OUTDOOR SHOPPING CENTER made to look like a town square. I was not interested in how it looked, only needed to go to one store located somewhere inside. Within the first minute of turning into the mall I was already annoyed by the parking lot; it was set like an English garden maze, except the green hedges were replaced with concrete curbs. From the posted signs I knew I had to be somewhere in the right area, so I decided to park and make my way on foot. Luckily the store was easy to find and once inside I quickly found what I was looking for before I headed back to my car in record time. Next on my to do list was going to the bank. I asked the virtual voice assistant on my phone for the nearest location to a branch of my bank. Directions were offered which I followed out of the parking lot. I made my way down the street for a short time, just past the shopping mall. Being told to turn down a side street I would up winding my way south, having to stop at each intersection because of stop signs. Finally coming out onto a thoroughfare I was instructed to turn west. The next thing I knew I was back at the shopping center and right there was a sign pointing me to the bank.      I FOUND IT ANNOYING THAT I HAD to drive out of the mall, through a residential area, only to be directed back into the mall. It made no sense to me. Maybe there was some reason why the interactive assistant had me drive that way, but I found it confusing. These days I find many things confusing and it is not because of an addled mind. It just seems as if common sense is becoming a rare commodity. Later in the day I was at a condominium building and the elevator had a handwritten sign taped inside that said, “Due to the freezing temperatures it is suggested the cabinet doors under all sinks are opened to prevent pipes freezing. This made no sense to me; how would pipes freeze in a unit of a multi-storied condominium building? Don’t all the residents get their water from a main line that then divides out to each unit? I could spend all day listing the things I come across that make no sense to me; but instead, I will just let today’s movie show you what I am talking about.      THE QUIET PEACEFUL LIFE BAKER DILL, played by Matthew McConaughey (Gold, The Dark Tower), had created for himself came apart when his ex-wife suddenly appeared with a desperate plea to save her. This dramatic thriller also starred Anne Hathaway (Ocean’s Eight, The Intern) as Karen Zariakas, Diane Lane (Trumbo, Secretariat) as Constance, Jason Clarke (First Man, Everest) as Frank Zariakas and Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond, Guardians of the Galaxy) as Duke. I actually think the actors could have handled anything that got thrown to them, but I do not know how they maintained their composure with this bizarre script. Their first clue, I believe, would have been their initial read through of it. The story made no sense to me which added to my boredom. Maybe the writer wanted to create a twisted, sexy, tension building story but all I found were things that made me scratch my head in confusion. It is a shame because I enjoyed the look of the film and particularly the setting, which was this idyllic island. There is already enough I encounter that dumbfounds me; there was no reason why I needed to pay for my confusion by watching this picture.

 

1 ½ stars        

Flash Movie Review: Welcome to Marwen

THE POOR THING HAD ONE EYE that did not close. Despite it and the lost finger on her left hand, she was a constant companion to the little girl. It was the little girl’s 2nd birthday when she received this doll that has never left her side since then. At meal time the doll had a place at the dining room table with her own little plate and glass, that the child would lift to the doll’s face to eat the imaginary food and drink. As far as I could remember the doll was always a part of our gatherings. After many years, the last time I heard about the doll she was residing on a shelf in the attic. It is amusing to me, but I never considered my toy soldiers as being dolls. In my mind they were soldiers and I was their commander. With the elaborate battle plans I would create, my soldiers were vital in keeping an open pathway to the pantry in our kitchen—go figure! From time to time I received superhero dolls as presents; but in my mind they were superheroes, not dolls. Isn’t it funny that back then we were taught dolls were only for girls?      SINCE THAT TIME DOLLS HAVE BEEN marketed to both girls and boys. I remember a friend’s son used to play with a male doll that wore a railroad conductor’s hat and overalls. Besides that “revolutionary” evolution, dolls are now used in several fields of thought. They can be found in therapy sessions, criminal investigations, as well as physiology classes. There was a psychologist I used to know who regularly used dolls in her sessions with younger children. When a child was not yet at an age to articulate the actions and feelings they experienced, dolls were useful tools to find out what happened to the child. Dolls also had a role with the psychologist’s couple counseling sessions. Some kind of role playing exercises if I am remembering correctly. So, you can certainly see how things have changed in our perceptions of dolls; they are no longer simply toys for kids. And I am just now recalling, wasn’t there a recent winner of a television reality, talent show who did ventriloquism, making a doll talk and sing? I understand she has a blossoming career, with appearances and TV specials. With today’s movie you can see another way how dolls play a vital function in some people’s lives.      AFTER A VISCIOUS ATTACK THAT DESTROYED his memory Mark Hogancamp, played by Steve Carell (Vice, Beautiful Boy), found a unique way to rebuild the life taken away from him. It was a particular set of female dolls that would lead him onto the road to recovery. This comedic drama based on a true story also starred Falk Hentschel (White House Down, Transcendence) as Captain Topf/Louis, Matt O’Leary (Frailty, Live Free or Die Hard) as Lieutenant Benz/Carl, Leslie Mann (The Other Woman, How to Be Single) as Nicol and Nikolai Witschl (Deadpool 2, The Magicians-TV) as Rudolph/Ruby. The story behind this movie seems incredible and amazing to me. My favorite part of this picture was the dolls; visually they were fun to watch. As for the script, I found it scattered all over the place. Steve did a decent job with his acting; but for such a story, the writers needed to dig deep down and bring out way more emotions than what I saw on the screen. For the dolls having played an important part in Mark’s life, they needed to have substance here; they came off as whimsical characters, in my opinion. Also, I was not sure the writers did justice to the topic of traumatic brain injuries. This biographical film was easily forgettable.

 

1 ½ stars     

Flash Movie Review: The Possession of Hannah Grace

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE EATING A wonderful meal and having leftovers from it. I am one of those people who loves to eat cold leftovers. Not every dish from a meal, but usually the main and side dishes I eat cold. Oh, and there is of course my favorite: cold pizza. Whether from a restaurant or homemade, having pizza right out of the refrigerator is my version of a delicacy. In the realm of home cooking I know there are times where one has a little bit left over from the food preparation. If it is some form of a soup or stew base, the cook can freeze it for later use. If it is a batter (remember I am all about desserts) there are multiple ways of using the small amount left in fun, new ways. One of my favorite memories of baking when I was a kid was watching the leftover dough get rolled out onto a floured surface then cut into 4-inch strips. The strips would get sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar before they were rolled into crescent shapes and baked. They looked like fingers sometimes, but they were oh so tasty.      NOW THERE ARE TIMES WHERE HAVING leftovers is not a good thing. This has happened to me where I bought an item that had to be assembled and I wound up having extra remaining pieces. There was nothing in the instructions about there being extra items; but of course, in my brain I wondered if the item would break right away. It would be like taking apart let us say a car engine and when you put it back together you had a couple of extra pieces. This would happen to a friend of mine who was into rebuilding engines. He did not seem to think it was a problem, but I was always nervous riding in any of his cars. Another example would be home remodeling where you figured out the amount of tile you needed for a floor or wall project and wound up with extra boxes that were non-returnable. I assumed that is what happened when I moved into my place; there was a stack of bricks left in the basement. Since I could not just throw them out in the garbage for pickup, I left the pile there for a few years until a friend of mine was able to dispose of them for me. So, you see there are some leftovers that can produce good feelings while others are just an annoyance. This horror, mystery thriller would fall into the latter category.      WORKING AT THE HOSPITAL MORGUE MEGAN REED, played by Shay Mitchell (Mother’s Day, Pretty Little Liars-TV), felt she had seen everything since she had been a police officer. But when the door to the cold chamber drawer kept opening, Megan was about to see things she could not imagine. With Grey Damon (Oldboy, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters) as Andrew Kurtz, relative newcomer Kirby Johnson as Hannah Grace, Nick Thune (Venom, Knocked Up) as Randy and Stana Katic (Castle-TV, The Spirit) as Lisa Roberts; the story to this film felt like parts left over from other stories that were pieced together. There was nothing new here that I have not seen before in some form. The script was lifeless, filled with clichés. Usually with films of this genre, I would hear audience members utter something at a scary scene; there was dead silence throughout the theater, which was telling. I was not familiar with any of the actors; but if I were them, I would omit listing this film from their resumes. Simply put I could not wait for this movie to be over. The only frightening thing to me was the film studio that gave the okay to make this picture.

 

1 ½ stars        

Flash Movie Review: God Bless the Broken Road

THOUGH I KNEW THE RESTAURANT’S DINING tables were crammed together, I did not know I would learn a valuable lesson. There was no way we could not avoid hearing the conversations at the tables around us; one of them intrigued me enough to pay attention. A couple was sitting at the table next to us, talking about the upcoming holidays. They appeared to be husband and wife based on their conversation and the fact they were both wearing wedding rings. What stood out prompting my attention was the wife telling her husband to “suck it up.” I will not go into all the details of their back and forth exchange; but the part that stood out for me was when the wife said they were a couple, which meant sometimes one of them would have to do something they don’t want to do but do it anyway for their spouse. I let that concept sink in a for a moment and found myself agreeing with the wife. It was funny; I almost turned around to give my support to her. Her statement rang true to me; there are some things we just must do. So, no need to complain about it, just do it. In the scheme of things how big of a deal would it be anyway?      I REMIND MYSELF ABOUT THAT COUPLE sitting at the restaurant from time to time because there are things I would rather not do; but feel I must do. One of them is going to see a movie that I can tell will be rough for me to watch. Sometimes I cannot avoid the amount of bad press that has come out about a film I have planned to review. A lot of the time my choices are dictated by the available times; if I am at the theater and the movie is scheduled to begin then I go in to see it. Now besides the bad press issue, there are some films that reveal their true nature right in the trailers. You can imagine how many trailers I must sit through based on the amount of films I go out to see. When I am aware I am going to a poorly done picture, I used to complain to friends and family. Also, I have people in class who will ask me why I went to see a movie I knew was going to be a tough viewing. Remembering that couple at the restaurant I tell people the reason I go is because this is what I do; I review all movies. I do not pick and choose only the ones I think will be good; there is no one to blame, so there is no reason to complain. Still, I wanted to complain about this dramatic family film.      AMBER HILL LOVED TO SING WITH the church chorus, but after her husband was killed in Afghanistan she stopped singing. She pretty much stopped living. With Jordin Sparks (Left Behind, Sparkle) as Bridgette, newcomer LaDainian Tomlinson as Pastor Williams, Andrew W. Walker (Steel Toes, Against the Wall-TV) as Cody Jackson and Robin Givens (Blankman, A Christmas to Remember) as Karena Williams; this romance movie quickly sunk. As I have said before I do not have an issue with these faith-based films; but I am sorry, there is no reason why a little effort cannot be put in to make a decent picture. All these studios think is pound the message of faith into the script and people will flock to see their film. There were so many cringe worthy scenes in this film that I sat in my seat speechless. No character development, poor direction and acting with hardly any connection to the story lines; it was enough to almost drive a person to religiously convert.

 

1 ½ stars    

Flash Movie Review: Hell Fest

BEFORE I TELL YOU ABOUT THE different tricks I was made aware of, I want to say in no uncertain terms I never did any of them nor would I condone such things. I do not want someone to read this and think one of the tricks would be a great thing to do; they are definitely not. With the holiday Halloween fast approaching I am reminded of the outrageous stunts a few students did when I was in school. One boy would take dog poop (I never knew if he even owned a dog), wrap it in newspaper, put it in front of a person’s front door, light it on fire, ring their doorbell, then run somewhere nearby to hide. When the person opened the door, the first thing they would do is stomp on the newspaper to get the flame out. I think you know what happened next; I do not have to elaborate any further, do I? Another student used to bake chocolate chip cookies to pass out to the trick or treaters; but instead of using chocolate chips, they would use brown colored laxatives that they cut up to look like chocolate chips. These examples are only a couple out of the ones I had heard about in school.      THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT HALLOWEEN THAT brings out the worst in people; I believe it. I had an apartment down in the city and every year I would stay indoors for this holiday because people would get crazy. I have wondered if there is some psychological thing about dressing up in a costume and taking on the persona of that character. It just seems as if people feel they can act out in ways they normally would not do. There was this one time I remember walking down a crowded street where it seemed as if everyone was in costume. One guy was dressed as Harpo Marx, the one with curly hair who never spoke but used a horn. He was going up behind people and scaring them with his horn; blasting it just before he would poke them in the buttocks with it. No one was safe since he was doing it to both men and women. I was surprised no one punched him. Seeing stuff like this was the reason why I decided to always stay home on this holiday; I do not want to deal with people acting out. Speaking of Halloween bringing out the worst in people, it evidently applies to movies because this film would be a good example of it.      WHEN A TRAVELING FRIGHT SHOW OPENS in town, a serial killer finds the perfect place to feed his needs. Everyone attending will think he is part of the show. This horror picture starred Bex Taylor-Klaus (The Last Witch Hunter, Scream: The TV Series) as Taylor, Reign Edwards (The Bold and the Beautiful-TV, MacGyver-TV) as Brooke, Amy Forsyth (Beautiful Boy, The Path-TV) as Natalie, Courtney Dietz (Vampire Academy-TV, The Gifted-TV) as Britney and Christian James (Dollface, Freefall-TV) as Quinn. Because I was told it is always better to start out saying something positive before a negative, I will say I enjoyed the last scene of this movie. Up until that time I was bored senseless. The acting was pitiful, the script was void of reason, there was nothing that I had not seen done better before; I felt the writers only used an outline as a script without doing anything creative. Every scene was predictable, so there was never a point where I got surprised. How many times do I need to see an axe being swung into a chest or a syringe stuck into an eyeball? If this is the caliber of movies coming out for Halloween I vote we fast forward to Thanksgiving.

 

1 ½ stars    

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