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Flash Movie Review: Gangster Squad
Perched atop my father’s dresser was a chrome figurine of a woman, circa 1940’s. She was my introduction to the art deco era. I found the symmetry used in the architecture, the art, the fashion made perfect sense to my sensibilities. With items that had been handed down in the family, I would try to determine if they came from the art deco period. I found myself doing the same thing as I sat through this beautiful looking movie. Set in Los Angeles in the late 1940’s, the set designs and costumes were perfectly recreated. When the production crews created the gorgeous sets, they probably had no idea their work would be covering up more than the bare walls of the movie studio’s sound stage. For what was behind the sets was a cartoon characterization of a gangster movie. The writers must have used Dick Tracy as a template in forming the screenplay that was inspired by a true story. The plot was about a small group of Los Angeles police officers; who were assigned the task of bringing down feared mob boss Mickey Cohen, played by Sean Penn (All the King’s Men, Fail Game). If I did not know better I would swear Sean Penn was portraying criminal Flat Top or Low Brow from the Dick Tracy cartoons. Yes Sean brought his intensity, but his dialog was so dreadful that it was laughable. Two of my favorite actors Ryan Gosling (Drive, Half Nelson) and Emma Stone (Easy A, The Help) had to have felt abused by the loony lines they were given, as Sgt. Jerry Wooters and Mickey’s girlfriend Grace Farraday. Josh Brolin (Men in Black 3, No Country for Old Men) was stiff as Sgt. John O’Mara. What a shame to have such a capable cast and give them an awful story and direction. I wish there had been a volume switch I could have shut off, because having no sound would have been the best way to watch this pretty foul movie. A note to the parents who brought young children into the theater: if you want your kids exposed to the art deco style, take them to a museum. Scenes of violence and blood.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Parental Guidance
My grandmother had no friends. It was her choice, since her only concern was her family. I cannot recall a time when my grandmother did not have some home baked sweet treat ready for us to eat. Knowing I would be stopping by her house for Halloween, with my two buckets (I was always paranoid a shopping bag would rip); she would have bags of candy and licorice made up to pass out to me and my friends. She never said a bad word about anyone; her harshest criticism was saying the word “feh” to something or someone she did not like. My grandmother had nothing in common with the grandparents in this comedy. In fact, I do not know of anyone who have grandparents similar to the two in this film. Billy Crystal (Analyze This, When Harry met Sally…) and Bette Midler (Beaches, The First Wives Club) played grandparents Artie and Diane Decker. When their daughter Alice, played by Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler, The Lincoln Lawyer), asked them to babysit their three grandchildren; Diane jumped at the chance while reluctant Artie had no choice but to agree. However when the two elders’ old school way of child rearing smacked up to Alice and her husband Phil’s, played by Tom Everett Scott (Because I Said So, Dead Man on Campus), new school methods; all discovered they could still learn a thing or two about each other. If you happened to see the trailer, you already saw the best parts of this abysmal movie. Besides every humorous moment being predictable, I thought the characters Billy and Bette played were more like two comedians on the comedy circuit tour through the Catskills or Florida (no offense to those who live in either place). Having two actors gifted in comedic timing, I only wished the story had some original ideas for Bette and Billy to mine through and surprise moviegoers. Instead the actors seemed as if they were mugging for the camera. On a positive note, this film was suitable for most of the family; no vulgar language or sexual innuendos, only a little bathroom humor. For a movie like this I would have waited for it to come out on DVD. If my grandmother were alive to watch this film she would have said feh.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Grown Ups
Age can be any number you want it to be. When you think about it, where is it written that you have to act a certain way because of your age? I try to encourage my students to enjoy the moment without worrying what someone else might think of them. Deep down I am a kid at heart and I allow that little boy inside of me to come out periodically and play. It was for that reason I thought this DVD would be fun to rent. The cast consisted of some reliable comedic talent such as Chris Rock (Down to Earth, Head of State) and Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids, Friends With Kids). On the other hand since this was an Adam Sandler (Big Daddy, Reign Over Me) movie I knew Rob Schneider (The Animal, The Hot Chick) would be part of the cast. It must be Adam’s good deed to keep Rob employed and off the streets. The story was about a group of friends who after many years return to their childhood home, to attend their old basketball coach’s funeral. After so long carrying the responsibilities that came with being an adult, could the friends reconnect like they did as kids? This comedy puzzled me. How was it that each actor individually could excel at their craft, but put together they were not funny? The script was tired and predictable with lame jokes and simple sight gags. Salma Hayek (Frida, Here Comes the Boom) and Kevin James (Zookeeper, Here Comes the Boom) added very little with their roles. I think what it comes down to is Adam sticks to the formula he created in pumping out these movies with low brow humor. There was nothing horrible in this film; it just did not do anything for me. If you need some mindless entertainment after a rough day, then this would be the ideal movie to sit back and watch. There must have been a lot of people who needed to sit back and relax because the movie studio is working on a sequel. You have been warned.
1 3/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Antichrist
Everyone handles death in their own way. My grandfather’s death from a heart attack was a shock to the entire family. His death was the first one I experienced. I found it perplexing; because after the cemetery for the next seven days we all had to meet at my oldest aunt’s house, where it seemed like we were having a party. People kept showing up each day, bringing enough food to share with everyone. For my grandmother’s death it was a different experience. She had dementia and was living in a nursing home for several years. By the time she died, it was more of a relief than sadness for most of us. Death in this intensely graphic movie was overpowering. While making love in the next room the couple’s 2 year old son climbed out his bedroom window and fell to his death. Williem Dafoe (Spider-Man, The Hunter) played the grief-stricken father and Charlotte Gainsbourg (21 Grams, Do Not Disturb) the mother. To deal with their overwhelming loss they traveled to their remote cabin in the woods, to work on their devastated marriage. The loss of their son was the catalyst that brought to the surface the couple’s deep fears, making a bad situation worse. One of the reasons I wanted to see this film was due to Charlotte winning the best actress award at the Cannes Film Festival. Granted her intense acting was painfully exquisite as was William’s; but, the subject matter was outrageous to me. With graphic scenes of sex and bloody violence, I found this movie obscenely indulgent on the part of writer and director Lars von Trier (Dogville, Melancholia). When I wasn’t wincing from some of the violent scenes, I could appreciate the other scenes that were breathtakingly artistic. The loss of a child has to be one of the most painful things in a parent’s life. As the viewer, it was painful to watch this film and I felt I lost two hours of my time.
1 3/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Strangers with Candy
If I had the opportunity to go back and do high school again I definitely would not do it. Once was enough for me. With the things that happened to me in high school, some of the scenes in this movie gave me anxiety. But that is my stuff; the majority of you may not experience a similar reaction. Not familiar with the previous movie or television show this film was based on, I will review this prequel as a stand alone. Middle aged ex-con Jerri Blank, played by Amy Sedaris (Jennifer’s Body, Elf), returned home to discover her mother had died, her father was remarried and presently was in a stress induced coma. On the suggestion of her dad’s doctor, Jerri decided to return to high school, hoping to make her father proud; in turn, wakening him from his coma. However, Jerri soon discovered high school would be as tough as her time in prison. The first thing that grabbed my attention with this movie was the incredible cast. Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report-TV, Company) was excellent playing closeted science teacher Chuck Norlet. High school grief counselor Peggy Callas was played by Sarah Jessica Parker (The Family Stone, Hocus Pocus). In addition, there was Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master, Moneyballl), Allison Janney (Juno, The Help) and Matthew Broderick (Glory, The Producers) as part of the cast. These were not lightweights by any means. The majority of humor in this comedy was made up of politically incorrect references. When there was physical comedy some of it would work, but others fell flat. I found the silliness waned within a short time; getting more groans than chuckles out of me. If you are looking to revisit your high school years, you would be better served to transfer out of this movie’s district.
1 3/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Cowboys & Aliens
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but lasers will always hurt you. When I first heard about the mash up of cowboys and aliens I thought what a strange combination. Adding in the actors chosen for this film, I decided to check out and see if our latest James Bond actor could handle beings from outer space. Jake Loneran, played by Daniel Craig (Defiance, Casino Royale) woke up without his memory and a strange metal bracelet attached to his wrist. After wandering into the small town of Absolution, he was identified as a wanted man. Just as he was about to be hauled off to face justice, strange lights appeared in the sky that attacked the town. If people wanted to be saved they would have to stand behind Jake, who had the key to saving earth; he just did not know it. Daniel Craig did some things that reminded me of his James Bond character, but he was wooden in this performance. Harrison Ford (Air Force One, Extraordinary Measures), as feared landowner Woodrow Dolarhyde, was more like a mean Indiana Jones. The only reason Olivia Wilde (In Time, The Words) was cast as Ella Swenson was for the writers to inject a love interest angle into the story. Her story line made little sense to me. I was completely perplexed why Paul Dano (There Will be Blood, Ruby Sparks) would agree to play whining Percy Dolarhyde, Woodrow’s son. The story was silly rubbish; it was a disappointment. I liked the special effects and action but they were not enough to maintain my interest during the illogical parts. Daniel Craig better ditch the cowboy hat and go back to his stirred not shaken martini.
1 3/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Taken 2
I was glad my dad taught me how to drive the year before I was scheduled to take driver’s ed in high school. Only one day practicing in a parking lot before we headed out onto the streets. When I finally took class I was the brakeman for the car. There was a poor girl in my group who kept sideswiping the safety cones. The instructor made her walk the driving course using one of the cones as a steering wheel. In this movie I would like to know how the daughter Kim, played by Maggie Grace (Lockout, The Jane Austen Book Club) was able to drive a stolen car better than Jason Statham in his Transporter movies. She had flunked the driver’s test twice prior. This was just one of the ridiculous events that took place in this low minded sequel. On a business trip to Istanbul Bryan Mills, played by Liam Neeson (The Grey, Schindler’s List), was surprised when his daughter and ex-wife Lenore, played by Famke Janssen (X-Men franchise, The Treatment), showed up to visit. Kim hoped the time together would rekindle her parents’ love for each other. However, she was not aware of the plan in place, hatched by the father of one of her kidnappers in the previous movie. Murad Krasniqi, played by Rade Serbedzija (Shooter, In the Land of Milk and Honey), wanted to take revenge on Bryan and his family for the death of his son. The movie was a disappointment due to the weak script and silly action scenes. There was nothing original here and I found it amazing that Liam’s character was able to kill so many people without even getting grazed by a single bullet. The saving grace was Liam doing what he did best and that was act. At his age to be considered an action hero is an accomplishment. I only wish he would be more selective in his movie choices, because after seeing this film I feel I was taken. Violent scenes with blood.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Resident Evil: Retribution
All these years I thought I was big stuff because I could hold my own against the Space Invaders video game. Then Alice came along and burst my bubble. I may not have played the video game this movie was based on, but I felt I had once I saw this action film. Also, this is only the 2nd movie I have seen in the Resident Evil movie franchise. The film started where the last one left off, showing us the previous ending scene in slow motion reverse. With this installment we find Alice, played by Milla Jovovich (The Three Musketeers, The Fifth Element) was mother to hearing impaired Becky, played by Aryana Engineer (Orphan). Alice was living life as a suburban housewife until the neighborhood was attacked by flesh eating zombies. It turned out Alice was being held in a secret testing location by the Umbrella Corporation, keepers of the T-Virus. For Alice to escape out of her holding cell, she would need the help of an insider and former friends. The first impression I had while watching this action film was how long could Milla keep up the physical stamina the role demanded? Presently, I believe Alice would be in the top 3 for being the toughest female action hero on screen today. The action stunts were plentiful, with some in fast motion and others done slowly. The primal story had holes in it that did not explain some things to me, but I do not think it mattered. I found the acting stiff and wooden for the most part, but again so what? The film was meant to be a visual explosion of special effects and action; it succeeded in that regard. This was nothing more than a video game on the big screen, without the joystick.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Expendables 2
Welcome to Madame Trudeau’s new interactive wax (or maybe plastic) action figures show. See them get up out of their seats, shoot a gun, light up a cigar and even say the wildest things; it will blow your mind. Can you count how many stunt doubles are in this movie? I was not expecting much when I went to see this action film. Not only was there an abundance of testosterone on the movie screen, there was a strong presence of it spread among the theater seats. In this sequel Barney Ross, played by Sylvester Stallone (Cop Land, Demolition Man) returns with his Botoxed band of buddies, along with a few extra surprises. At the start of the film, we see the group battling their way out of their latest job, with explosions and blazing gunfire. There was a constant stream of things blowing up and bullets flying throughout the adventures in the film. I noticed every bullet that struck a person created a spray of blood; it was almost cartoonish to me. The story centered on a job that went wrong. A member of the gang was needlessly killed by the sinister Vilain, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme (Universal Soldier, Double Impact). Yes, Jean-Claude was the bad guy in this film. And to his credit, it appeared he did his own leg kicks. Barney and his band were determined to get revenge. No matter how outnumbered they were or how unlikely the scenario, nothing would stop them. Adding extra muscle, Barney received help from Trench, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger (True Lies, Last Action Hero). There was such campiness with Arnold on the scene. The script took liberties with some of the former action heroes’ famous lines, giving the viewer a smug, tongue-in-cheek pattering of dialog. This is the type of movie you would see if you just want total action, little plot and character development. A straight forward, simple story with aging movie stars trying to remain tough and young. It ain’t pretty. Scenes of blood and violence.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Sparkle
If you have been unplugged from this movie’s marketing machine, you may not be aware this was Whitney Houston’s final performance. Though I do not see how that could be possible; the studio has been promoting it nonstop. As I watched Whitney on screen, I was sad this was to be my final memory of her. In this movie remake, Whitney (The Bodyguard, Waiting to Exhale) played the deeply religious mother Emma, to three talented daughters. My parents taught me not to speak ill towards the dead, but then I would not be able to review this dramatic film. I will say it was good to see Whitney sober. Her acting was not exceptional and though the director did everything possible to make Whitney’s big solo number spectacular, the voice I remember was not there. The story set in the 1960’s was about the three daughters forming a singing group, in spite of their mother’s wishes. Youngest daughter Sparkle, played by Jordin Sparks in her first starring role, was the songwriter of the group. Jordin was the youngest winner of American Idol, a singing competition reality show. As for her acting ability, there was none. I found Jordin to be a poor choice for the role. The oldest sister called Sister, played by Carmen Ejogo (Pride and Glory, Away We Go), handled the most dramatic parts of the film. There were no surprises in this musical movie and I found the slow story incomplete. For example, I never understood why Whitney’s character was so strict and distrustful; both of the girls and the music industry. For me personally, I would have preferred remembering Whitney Houston from her younger days. It was sad to see an older, puffy version of a lost talent.
1 3/4 stars
moviejoltz 