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Flash Movie Review: Five Nights at Freddy’s

ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES OF amusement parks was me vomiting into a trash container. I remember the park because the ride I got sick on was one of those haunted, fun house attractions. There was a huge head that looked like an evil genie perched above the entryway, with its eyes moving from side to side as if scanning the park for its next victims. It was a family outing with a group of relatives and for the younger ones, which included me, this was our first time attending the amusement park. When I walked into the fun house, it was nearly pitch-black inside. There were objects that glowed and appeared to be floating in the air. At certain turns a mechanical figure would spring out to scare onlookers who were walking by. Being so young, I did jump and get scared multiple times; but, with my relatives nearby I never got to the point of being crying scared. I remember we came to a juncture where we had to go through a door that had cobwebs on it. Once we were through, we heard the door lock. We continued walking until we found ourselves in a dark space where the walls were formed into a full circle. As we gently walked into it, the continuous wall started to turn. In other words, it was like walking into a barrel that started rolling down a hill, but this rolling device stayed in one place. I could not keep my balance, constantly falling. As the pictures on the walls rolled by, I started to feel nauseous. Miraculously the spinning stopped, and a hidden door opened into the sunlight. I staggered out and made it to the trash container in time before my stomach decided to evacuate all its contents.      ONE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD have been my last time at an amusement park; but because of my earlier enjoyment of rides and carnival foods, I ventured to other amusement parks and learned what attractions were more agreeable with me and my body. I was a sucker for the games of chance, convinced I could win a stuffed animal easily. There was the shooting gallery where water guns were used to hit a target that would inflate a balloon. The first balloon to pop would be the winner. I never won that game. I also failed at the ring toss on top of a glass bottle and the pseudo basketball hoop game. I believe it was after a couple of years that I finally won one of those games; throwing a ball to knock off from their shelves, three hairy troll dolls. Out of the prizes offered, I chose a small, stuffed purple monkey. I felt so proud of myself. It was a good thing I did not have the knowledge then to add up how much it cost my family to pay for all the tries I took to finally win that small stuffed animal. There were so many different amusement parks I used to attend and gratefully not one of them was like the one in this mystery, horror thriller.      DESPERATE TO EARN MONEY TO KEEP his daughter, a down on his luck father takes a nighttime security guard job at an abandoned amusement park. What he would experience would be worse than any of the rides. With Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games franchise, The Long Home) as Mike, Piper Rubio (Holly & Ivy, For All Mankind-TV) as Abby, Elizabeth Lail (Countdown, Ordinary Joe-TV) as Vanessa, Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo franchise, The Descendants) as Steve Raglan and Mary Stuart Masterson (Fried Green Tomatoes, Blindspot-TV) as Aunt Jane; this movie based on a video game was lost on me. Maybe if one was familiar with the game, the movie would make better sense; I found it simply odd and dull. I enjoyed Josh’s and Mary’s performances, but the script was a jumble of things that were never fully explained. As the movie was nearing its end, I thought the story was weird and made little sense. It might be best to take your money and use it to spend a day at an amusement park. There was an extra scene during the ending credits.                   

1 ½ stars 

Flash Movie Review: Countdown

THREE CELEBRITIES DIED IN THE SAME WEEK during the month of June in 2009. They were Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon. It was proof of a superstition I believed to be true; death comes in threes. Even to this day when I hear about someone dying, I think to myself two more will be happening soon. Some of my friends think the same thing because we have talked about it. Not that any of us are obsessed with death; but let’s face it, as one gets older one cannot help but be aware of death slowly finding its place at the table of one’s life. The other thing I have learned about death is how each person handles it in a different way. I knew an individual, who confronted with the bad news about the state of his health, went off the deep end and started acting out in extreme ways. He started abusing drugs and alcohol, finding himself waking up in strange places and not remembering the previous day’s events. It was troubling to see how self-destructive he had become. The people around him wanted to help, but he had no interest in their help or pity; he simply wanted to make himself numb enough to the point where he was not thinking about death 24/7.      IF I WERE TO RECEIVE NEWS about my life expectancy, I honestly do not know how I would react to it. There is a part of me that wonders if I would focus on trying to keep myself on my same routines: work, teach, exercise, movies. It is hard to say. I knew several individuals who never told anyone about their life status. Until it became apparent that something was serious, each of them continued living their life as if nothing had changed. I think it is safe to say most of us hope when our time comes it happens while we are asleep. It certainly is my wish. I have always said I hope my death does not make the news for something tragic or bizarre. Though I love watching movies I would really prefer not dying in a movie theater and being discovered dead only after remaining in my seat through a couple of full-length features. My other wish is I hope I get to see everything I want to see before my time is up. And I have a lot of things I want to see; one of them was not this horror thriller.      AFTER DOWNLOADING AN APP THAT TELLS the user when they are expected to die Quinn Harris, played by Elizabeth Lail (Unintended, Once Upon a Time-TV), finds out she has less than a week to live. She will need to do a lot of things if she plans on proving the app wrong. With Jordan Calloway (Riverdale-TV, Unfabulous-TV) as Matt Monroe, Talitha Eliana Bateman (The 5thWave, Annabelle: Creation) as Jordan Harris, Peter Facinelli (Twilight franchise, Nurse Jackie-TV) as Dr. Sullivan and Dillon Lane (Better Things-TV, Here and Now-TV) as Evan; this film’s story was an unholy marriage of high tech and ancient lore. I thought Elizabeth had potential here, but the script made sure that never happened. The story was odd from the start and as time went on, I was getting increasingly bored. The film was pretty much a series of shock/surprise sequences; a tired formula by itself to tell a story. I felt the story needed to go through a few revisions to make better sense of it. Also, if they wanted this to be listed as a horror film it needed to add more suspense to build up the scary parts. After sitting through this picture, I hope I will not have to experience it in threes because of the extra scene I saw at the film’s ending credits.

 

1 ½ stars