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Flash Movie Review: Five Nights at Freddy’s

ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES OF amusement parks was me vomiting into a trash container. I remember the park because the ride I got sick on was one of those haunted, fun house attractions. There was a huge head that looked like an evil genie perched above the entryway, with its eyes moving from side to side as if scanning the park for its next victims. It was a family outing with a group of relatives and for the younger ones, which included me, this was our first time attending the amusement park. When I walked into the fun house, it was nearly pitch-black inside. There were objects that glowed and appeared to be floating in the air. At certain turns a mechanical figure would spring out to scare onlookers who were walking by. Being so young, I did jump and get scared multiple times; but, with my relatives nearby I never got to the point of being crying scared. I remember we came to a juncture where we had to go through a door that had cobwebs on it. Once we were through, we heard the door lock. We continued walking until we found ourselves in a dark space where the walls were formed into a full circle. As we gently walked into it, the continuous wall started to turn. In other words, it was like walking into a barrel that started rolling down a hill, but this rolling device stayed in one place. I could not keep my balance, constantly falling. As the pictures on the walls rolled by, I started to feel nauseous. Miraculously the spinning stopped, and a hidden door opened into the sunlight. I staggered out and made it to the trash container in time before my stomach decided to evacuate all its contents.      ONE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD have been my last time at an amusement park; but because of my earlier enjoyment of rides and carnival foods, I ventured to other amusement parks and learned what attractions were more agreeable with me and my body. I was a sucker for the games of chance, convinced I could win a stuffed animal easily. There was the shooting gallery where water guns were used to hit a target that would inflate a balloon. The first balloon to pop would be the winner. I never won that game. I also failed at the ring toss on top of a glass bottle and the pseudo basketball hoop game. I believe it was after a couple of years that I finally won one of those games; throwing a ball to knock off from their shelves, three hairy troll dolls. Out of the prizes offered, I chose a small, stuffed purple monkey. I felt so proud of myself. It was a good thing I did not have the knowledge then to add up how much it cost my family to pay for all the tries I took to finally win that small stuffed animal. There were so many different amusement parks I used to attend and gratefully not one of them was like the one in this mystery, horror thriller.      DESPERATE TO EARN MONEY TO KEEP his daughter, a down on his luck father takes a nighttime security guard job at an abandoned amusement park. What he would experience would be worse than any of the rides. With Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games franchise, The Long Home) as Mike, Piper Rubio (Holly & Ivy, For All Mankind-TV) as Abby, Elizabeth Lail (Countdown, Ordinary Joe-TV) as Vanessa, Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo franchise, The Descendants) as Steve Raglan and Mary Stuart Masterson (Fried Green Tomatoes, Blindspot-TV) as Aunt Jane; this movie based on a video game was lost on me. Maybe if one was familiar with the game, the movie would make better sense; I found it simply odd and dull. I enjoyed Josh’s and Mary’s performances, but the script was a jumble of things that were never fully explained. As the movie was nearing its end, I thought the story was weird and made little sense. It might be best to take your money and use it to spend a day at an amusement park. There was an extra scene during the ending credits.                   

1 ½ stars 

Flash Movie Review: Serial Mom

A mother’s love is one of the strongest bonds on earth. There have been numerous accounts of mothers doing extraordinary feats of strength when their child was in danger. I have witnessed my own mom exerting super human skills to protect me. We were riding on a bus to the doctor’s office because I was ill. When we reached our stop we exited from the exit doors near the back of the bus. My mother got out first so she could help be manage the distance from the last step to the curb. I had to be around 5 or 6 years old. Just as my mom grabbed hold of my outstretched hands, the back door closed on my foot and the bus began to move. The look on my mother’s face was something I will never forget. With her one arm wrapping itself around me, she started pounding on the door as she screamed while running alongside the moving bus. Gratefully a passenger saw us and alerted the bus driver to stop. Taking the bond between mother and child to a whole different level, writer and director John Waters (A Dirty Shame, Pink Flamingos) created suburban housewife and mother Beverly R. Sutphin, played by Kathleen Turner (Romancing the Stone, Peggy Sue Got Married). To say Beverly was a protective mother would be an understatement. If anyone did or say something that she thought was impolite or wrong, she would dispense her own brand of justice. Beverly usually came to the same conclusion with each incident and it involved death. This dark comedy was a hoot to watch with crazy scenes of Beverly plotting and executing her devious plans. In fact, this was more than just a comedy film; it was a satire of suburban housewives and society in general. Kathleen was wickedly wonderful in this role. Making up her family was Sam Waterson (The Killing Fields, Law & Order-TV) as her husband Eugene, Ricki Lake (Hairspray, Cry-Baby) as her daughter Misty and Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo, Trouble With the Curve) as her son Chip. With John Waters one expects foul mouthed, sick, gross humor. This film will not be a disappointment, but maybe you should not show it to your mother.

 

2 2/3 stars — DVD