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Flash Movie Review: The Munsters

THERE WERE TWO HOUSES IN OUR neighborhood that were totally different from any other, but both were equally creepy. One house was completely painted in a drab brown color: everything from the front stairs, porch, railings, shutters, door and window frames. At nighttime no one could tell if anyone was at home because the lights were never on; or the windows were so heavily curtained that the light could not penetrate. All the years I lived in the neighborhood, I never once saw anyone entering or leaving the house. There was no front lawn; it was all cemented over with one large oak tree that stuck out from the ground like it had killed it. Whenever I cut through the alley in back, I could never tell if there was a backyard or not because the was a huge dense hedge that surrounded the perimeter. As you can imagine, no one ever ventured past the wrought iron front gate at Halloween; the place was too scary all year round. Whenever my friends and I were playing outside, we made sure to never throw or hit a ball in the house’s direction, in case the ball was to bounce into its front yard. None of us had the courage to climb over the fence and get closer to that house.      THE OTHER HOUSE THAT WAS SCARY to us was brightly painted in green and orange hues. It had trellis work all around the front porch with vines spreading across it. The stairs leading up to the front door were bowed, as if something big had climbed up and down them repeatedly. In the front yard there was an assortment of wildflowers, some that were taller than me. I never knew who lived inside because again, there was no sign of life or activity. The dense foliage that surrounded the house like a suit of armor made the place look menacing. It was the type of place that looked like Sleeping Beauty would have been served a poison apple there or Hansel and Gretel would have been held to be used in a cauldron of soup. There was an odd weathervane attached to the house’s chimney; it was hard to figure out if the figurine was a human or animal. I used to try and picture what would live in this and the other house. Now here is the interesting part; in all my imaginings, I never once thought humans were inhabiting the houses. They had to be some type of alien or monster, more akin to the family in this comedy fantasy.      MOVING TO AN AMERICAN SUBURB WOULD be a big adjustment for this Transylvanian family. It would be an even bigger adjustment for the people who lived around them. With Sheri Moon Zombie (The Lords of Salem, The Devil’s Rejects) as Lily, Jeff Daniel Phillips (3 From Hell, The Gifted-TV) as Herman, Daniel Roebuck (The Fugitive, Getting Grace) as The Count, Richard Brake (The Rhythm Section, Bingo Hell) as Dr. Wolfgang and Jorge Garcia (Lost-TV, The Wedding Ringer) as Floop; this reboot of the television show has the distinction of being the worst film I have seen this year. I could appreciate the idea of bringing the Munster family to a whole new generation; but this film was too corny and boring. The special effects were dull, the script failed at humor and the story came across like a poorly done Saturday morning cartoon. The actors were not bad, considering they had a tough act to follow with the original actors; but I felt the writers were forcing the campiness so much that scenes just looked ridiculous. This could have been a better film if the story focused more on the early times just when Lily and Herman were about to meet each other. If I had my way, I would have preferred rewatching one of the Addams Family television episodes.

1 ½ stars 

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