I DO NOT REMEMBER WHAT AGE I became where I no longer found kids’ jokes funny. There was the constant “knock, knock” jokes, along with jokes like “Why did the chocolate chip cookie go to see the doctor?” He felt crummy. Or “What’s a pirate’s favorite class to take in school?” Arrrrrt. At some point, I had heard them so much they were no longer funny to me. Even today, I have a couple of friends who constantly tell the same type of jokes multiple times. At some point I can no longer pretend they are funny; the jokes lose their surprise element. Changing a word here and there does not change the joke. I feel the same way about food companies that introduce different variations of their best-selling items. A sandwich filled cookie where the filling changes and gets weirder does not appeal to me. I am here to say, I am not on the pumpkin spice bandwagon. When I walk through the aisles of the grocery store and see so many products with this flavor, I cannot make sense of it. Why would I want my pasta, butter, or salmon to taste like pumpkin spice?      NOW THERE IS ONE FOOD ITEM I do not care what they do to it because I was never a fan of it. I was never attracted to food items that had fruit filled centers. When Pop Tarts were introduced, I was curious about them but did not want to eat one. The only time I tried them was when I was at a friend’s house. If their mother offered me one, I did not want to be rude by saying no, so would take one and try to eat it. Many times, I would eat around the edges because there was so little fruit filling there. It would be times like that where I wished my friend’s mom would have chocolate chip cookies, which were my favorite. I believe the other reason I was not a fan of Pop Tarts was because they could be toasted. In my mind, if something is going into the toaster then it is meant to be eaten for breakfast or it is bread. I could not tell if this fruit filled item was a dessert or snack item. Now that you know I get tired of the same jokes told repeatedly and am not a fan of Pop Tarts, what do you think I thought about this biographical comedy?      LOCKED IN A BITTER RIVALRY FOR store shelves, it was a race to see which food company could come out with a completely new food item that would change everyone’s minds about breakfast and dessert. With Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld-TV, Curb Your Enthusiasm-TV) as Bob Cabana, Jim Gaffigan (Collide, Peter Pan & Wendy) as Edsel Kellogg III, Hugh Grant (Wonka, Love Actually) as Thurl Ravenscroft, Amy Schumer (I Feel Pretty, The Humans) as Marjorie Post and Melissa McCarthy (Genie, The Little Mermaid) as Donna Stankowski; I honestly thought with this cast, along with the variety of celebrity cameo roles, there would be no way this film, written and directed by Jerry Seinfeld, would not be funny. I was completely wrong. Not only was it not funny, but it was lame. I do not know if I can honestly say if there was any acting taking place. The script was so boring and ridiculous that I only kept watching because I thought it would have to get better at some point. Instead of appearing like a movie, this felt like a series of comedy bits that kept falling flat. The only time where I showed interest in humor was one exchange between Melissa and Hugh; that was it. I would have enjoyed seeing how Pop Tarts came into existence, but I believe there was only a speck of truth the script was based on, and the rest was slapstick nonsense. For viewers who grew up during that time, the retro references could be fun, but so many of the shown ones were attached to some nonsensical scene that instead it could become irritating. There was nothing fun or entertaining about this picture. Even if I loved Pop Tarts, I still would not have subjected myself to watching this if I had known what the script was going to be. This film had no shelf life and was stale from the start.

1 star