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Flash Movie Review: Pompeii
There are some things in life worth fighting for, metaphorically speaking. If I believe something is the right thing to do, I will argue the point without any time limit. I am willing to fight traffic if it means I get to spend quality time with a friend. (I bet you thought I was going to say a movie.) Love is certainly worth fighting for, wouldn’t you agree? There was someone I dated where I was wiling to make sacrifices or more accurately compromises because I felt it would help the relationship continue to grow. You may think it is silly, but one of my strongest self-imposed rules is my last meal cannot start later than 6pm, for dietary reasons. They liked eating at 8pm, feeling my time was too early. Luckily we both wanted to keep investing in our relationship so we negotiated times and made adjustments to help each other. In this situation it was worth it to me, to fight myself in the name of love. This fighting for love was one of the things I admired about this dramatic action film. Kit Harington (Games of Thrones-TV, Silent Hill: Revelation 3D) played Milo, who witnessed his parents’ death at a young age. Orphaned and alone he grew up a slave until he was old enough to become a gladiator. None of his fights meant anything to him until one day he saw Princess Cassia of Pompeii, played by Emily Browning (Sucker Punch, The Uninvited). I enjoy watching a movie that includes a historic setting or reenactment. It allows me to add a visual to what I have learned in school and books. Unfortunately the story for this film was pretty much a cheap knockoff of the movie Titanic, except there was fire instead of water. Kiefer Sutherland (Phone Booth, 24-TV) was forgettable as Corvus. I actually felt bad for Kit; with all the work he did to sculpt his body, he should have devoted some time to polishing his acting abilities for the big screen. He was one dimensional throughout the film. The only actor who did decent acting was Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Oz-TV) as fellow gladiator Atticus. I saw this film in 3D and it did nothing for me except cost me more money and made the picture look darker. The concept for this movie was silly to start with, add in the weak script and there really is no reason to fight your way to the movie theater to see this film. There were brief scenes that included blood.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Enemies Closer
Imagine you are at a party or nightclub and you strike up a conversation with someone. The two of you have been making an easy flow of chitchat but all of a sudden they say something that strikes you as being a bit odd. You are not sure how to react; should you chuckle, nod your head or ask them what they mean? The expression on their face does not help you; they still have that sliver of a smile. So you decide to let it pass and continue talking on. But then it happens again and you feel uncomfortable because what they said could be taken one of two ways. If you felt they meant the first option then it would be appropriate to snicker. However, the 2nd way would make them appear sexist; so, what do you do? You ask them and they say it was a joke; they were trying to be funny. There is nothing wrong with showing one’s humorous side, heaven knows I try to all the time; but if your target audience does not know your style of humor or your intentions, then the joke is lost on them. Well this is exactly how I felt watching this movie. I could not tell if this was supposed to be a satire or the director Peter Hyams (Timecop, End of Days) was really trying to make an action thriller. After all these years Peter re-teamed with Jean-Claude Van Damme (Double Impact, Bloodsport) who played Xander, an unmerciful drug dealer. Reaching the US-Canadian border to retrieve a drug shipment Xander came across forest ranger Henry, played by Tom Evertt Scott (Parental Guidance, That Thing You Do!), who was in the middle of a fight with ex-con Clay, played by Orlando Jones (Drumline, Evolution). How would Henry survive and do his job if he only had enemies around him? I am at a loss for words because I seriously did not get this film. Not one to question someone wanting to continue working, I would love to know why Jean-Claude felt this role was meant for him. He looked and acted like a sideshow clown from a traveling carnival. His body double was obvious in the fight scenes. Granted the fight scenes were not bad in this film, but I thought the acting was horrible. The script was not that much better. I wish I knew if this movie was supposed to be a joke because I would have written a different review. As it stands now I really have nothing good to say. There were several scenes that had blood and violence.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Legend of Hercules
After viewing this action film I was curious to see what actors portrayed Hercules in past years. Looking at the movie titles and the actors that starred in them, I am afraid to say author Edith Hamilton would be distraught at the lack of respect we have given this mythical Greek hero. Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in Hercules in New York, Reg Park was in Hercules and the Captive Women besides Hercules in the Haunted World; even Lou Ferrigno played Hercules a couple of times before he became the Incredible Hulk. I was shocked to find Ryan Gosling did a turn as a young Hercules before his star power really came to light. For those of you who were too young to have seen these movies, chances are you are familiar with the television series starring Kevin Sorbo as the son of Zeus. I was curious why director Renny Harlin (Diehard 2, The Covenant) felt the need to helm this adventure fantasy. Kellan Lutz (Twilight franchise, Immortals) starred as Hercules, though he did not know about his true identity until later in the film. The story began in ancient Greece 1200 BC as we learn the reasons why Hercules was born to Queen Alcmene, played by Roxanne McKee (The Expelled, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines) and then followed him as he grew up under the mistrustful eye of his stepfather King Amphitryon, played by Scott Adkins (Zero Dark Thirty, Assassination Games). Do you know how some of the worst foods for you taste the best? Well that is sort of the same idea I had about this schlock pop movie. It was so bad that it was like campy trash one would watch on a rainy day; sitting with a bag of potato chips, a tub of chip dip, a box of chocolate candy and a triple thick milkshake by one’s side. The acting was less about performance and more about being a cartoon character; it was so dull and corny with the ridiculous script. I have to assume the movie studio was looking to make a quick buck because the sets and special effects were beyond cheap looking. Wait until you see the lion; it looked like it was based on a squishy stuffed animal. Adding insult to injury, I saw this in a 3D theater that had issues with the film. For the first 20 minutes it was shown in 2D before the projectionist realized he was (I guess) supposed to flip a switch and make it 3D. No one in the theater even complained. I have to say once again Hollywood did Hercules wrong with this latest lowbrow movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Cold Turkey
There is a saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” that is used when one is referring to similar characteristics or personality traits between generations of family members. Examples of this could be your father was thrifty and you became thrifty. Another example would be you and your mother both being charitable individuals. I knew someone whose mother was over dramatic, just like one of those silent screen movie stars who used exaggerated gestures to convey their feelings. The more she complained about her mother the more I would have to quietly chuckle to myself because she was just like her mother; she just did not realize it. Everything she did had to be over the top, where it was either the hardest thing she had to do or it was the absolute best. There was no middle ground with her, only extremes. The ultimate example was at her wedding where her mother tried to outshine her by wearing a designer dress and a collection of jewelry that made one squint anytime you had to look at her. All I could wonder was whether my friend would continue this parental rivalry with her future children. In this comedic drama the Turner family came together for the holidays, bringing along their secrets and repressed feelings. Alicia Witt (Two Weeks Notice, 88 Minutes) played estranged daughter Nina, who had not seen her family in 15 years. Director and actor Peter Bogdanovich (Paper Moon, Queen of the Lot) played patriarch Poppy Turner, who had remarried and was living with his 2nd wife Deborah, played by Cheryl Hines (The Ugly Truth, Curb Your Enthusiasm-TV). Having seen a slew of movies that dealt with all kinds of family dynamics, I was curious to see how this story would be different. There was enough situations in place to create a minefield of emotional explosions, having Nina and her sister Lindsey, played by Sonya Walger (All the King’s Men, Lost-TV), being the children of the 1st wife and the half brother Jacob, played by Ashton Holmes (A History of Violence, Wind Chill), being the son of the 2nd wife. However, there was nothing in this film that had not been examined before. I thought the acting was awful and the script bland and generic; causing me to be bored most of the time. The exception was a couple of scenes that surprised me. If the characters in this movie mean something to the people who thought them up, then all I can say is the writers need to find a different family.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Grudge Match
Early on in my teaching years I became aware I was not only the instructor but the student. The members who attended my classes were not aware they were presenting me with a life changing gift. They showed me that age was only a number. Prior to teaching fitness I did not have an example of an older individual who continued to be active, either in a professional or physical capacity. In my classes I would see people in their 70’s and 80’s keeping up with strength training and aerobic activities. My most profound experience was watching a wheelchair bound member, who after a few months, got up out of their seat in one of my yoga classes. It changed my whole outlook about growing up and growing old. Since that time I am all for people who do not let their age stop them from being active and utilizing their skills. So this brings us to today’s review of this comedy film. The story was about 2 former boxers Henry ‘Razor’ Sharp and Billy ‘The Kid’ McDonnen, played by Sylvester Stallone (Escape Plan, Rocky franchise) and Robert De Niro (Casino, The Family). It has been 30 years since the 2 bitter rivals last boxed but sports agent Dante Slate Jr., played by Kevin Hart (Think Like a Man, This is the End), was determined to get the two men into a ring to decide who was the better champion. Okay, I do not have any issue with the concept of this sport film. Heck, I just saw a news report about a 90 year old runner who still does marathons. Recently I read comments that Sylvester felt he still had something to say about boxing and that is why he did this movie. If he felt he had something to contribute who am I to judge? I cannot recall the last time I felt embarrassed from watching a film out at the theater. The generic script was so lame that it was cringe worthy. Maybe I am being judgmental here but for the life of me, I cannot come up with any reason why Robert De Niro would do such a film except for the paycheck. Even as I am typing this I am experiencing deja vu of feeling icky when I was at the theater. The only bright spots for me were seeing Kim Basinger (L.A. Confidential, Cellular) playing ex-girlfriend Sally and Alan Arkin (Get Smart, Edward Scissorhands) playing former trainer Louis ‘Lightning’ Conlon. As for Kevin Hart, this is the 3rd or 4th film I have seen with him and it seems as if he is just repeating the same character in each one. I am afraid I have seen better winners in my fitness classes. There were several brief scenes where blood was shown.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: 47 Ronin
I am always eager to read or hear a good story. The stories from friends and family are special to listen to since there is the personal aspect to them; for example, a friend telling me how the unusual mantle clock on their dresser came to them from their grandfather. I only wish I knew the story behind a silver cup that was given to me that belonged to my great, great grandfather; imagine what kind of tale that would be. Another type of story I enjoy are the ones that have to do with public places like the reasons why the city of Chicago reversed the direction of the Chicago River or the true story behind the stock exchange building in Savannah, Georgia. When it comes to movies, I am always looking to be entertained by a good story. With regards to this adventure fantasy film, I thought it would be especially interesting since the film was based on an 18th century Japanese story about samurai. Never accepted as a true member of the village, the leader of a band of samurai named Oishi, played by Hiroyuki Sanada (The Wolverine, The Twilight Samurai), would have to depend on the special skills only Kai, played by Keanu Reeves (Speed, The Matrix franchise), could offer in the group’s quest to clear the name of their former master. From what I understood the historic legend was about 47 samurai who were known as ronins, which means without a master. So with this archival reference I thought the studio would have gone the extra distance to make a vivid action movie worthy of the story. Unfortunately that was not the case with this dull plodding film. Keanu did himself no favors, acting more like a supporting character; with his standard short, staccato quiet way of speaking. It is something everyone has seen before and all it achieved here was to dim my senses. The script was pretty much a total mess; I did not feel hardly any emotions throughout the scenes. At least there were a few good battle scenes; however, with the fantasy element being part of this story, I felt there was not enough of it in the film to make it noteworthy. Adding in the marketing of this movie, it looked like the studio spent a lot of money to make this picture. Sadly, the only story that will be told about this fiasco will be how the movie studio took a hit on their earnings for ruining a legendary tale. Several scenes had Japanese with English subtitles.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Diana
There is a reason one does not find an accountant or welder coming to the rescue in a fairy tale. Not that I am being disparaging towards those occupations, but living in a country that does not have a monarchy, I want to be saved by someone greater than myself. As a small child didn’t most of us dream of being swept away into a world of kings, queens and wizards? I know I certainly did as I imagined myself walking down long marble floored hallways, guided by faces that peered down at me from large musty portraits, as I looked for my chambers. The whole idea of royalty has a magical quality for many of us today. There is a fascination to see or hear anything that has to do with a royal member of the family. For me part of the interest has to do with the person’s lineage, their royal bloodline. Since I can only trace my family back to a few generations, the idea that these royal individuals are related to people I have read about in history books blows my mind. One of the most famous in modern times was Diana, Princess of Wales. In this dramatic movie the story focused on the last two years of her life. Naomi Watts (The Impossible, Fair Game) portrayed Princess Diana during the time she began seeing Dr. Hasnat Khan, played by Naveen Andrews (The Brave One, Lost-TV). I do not know where to begin to tell you how wrong this biographical romance was on so many levels. First there was Naomi Watts, who I have always admired. She was not a good fit for the role; she did not come across as iconic and statuesque as Diana. Part of the issue was the horrible and ridiculous script she had to try and make work. The scenes were lifeless and boring which I can only attribute to poor direction. And finally, let me talk about the specific scenes where Diana and Hasnat were by themselves. Who knows how they really acted when they were alone; but if you are making a movie about two people in love, there should be some chemistry between the two actors. There was none between Naomi and Naveen; it was the finishing touch in making a complete mess of a movie. Personally I think the film studio should have kept the fantasy and allure about Princess Diana going by not putting together this tawdry film.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Jobs
After a few attempts I came to the conclusion that my brain was not wired that way. There was something about a PC’s operating system that did not interface with my mind. I would sit in front of its glowing screen, staring at the dialog box that told me a function did not work, asking me if it was okay. No, it was not okay I would say as the level of my frustration rose. According to my way of thinking, the computer should have been able to correct itself and show me what I needed to do to proceed; it was a computer for heaven’s sake. When I left the PC world, replacing it with an Apple computer, an immediate connection formed between us. This is not meant to be an advertisement or endorsement of their products; I am simply saying the billowing brainwaves in my head found clarity with its operating system. The creator and driving force behind my computer and cell phone was Steve Jobs. From the events he orchestrated and the frenzied crowds who camped out for his products, I would be surprised to find someone who had not heard of this man. To portray such an intense individual in a movie, one would need an actor with some considerable acting abilities. Who this movie studio came up with to play Steve Jobs was Ashton Kutcher (The Butterfly Effect, That ’70s Show-TV). In his television commercials, Ashton has an engaging personality that is comfortable to watch. This trait worked for him when he was recreating Steve’s media events in this dramatic film. Unfortunately, it was the only thing that did work for him. Ashton was completely wrong for this character that needed to show the emotional intensity that Steve was known to have and display freely. The script was awful, making the scenes seem like small tidbits that were randomly spliced together. Where I thought Josh Gad (Love & Other Drugs, 21) had potential playing Steve’s partner Steve Wozniak, Dermot Mulroney (Zodiac, The Grey) was wasted playing the financial backer Mike Markkula. This was such a disappointing movie; I can only imagine what Steve Jobs would have done after seeing this film. My guess is he would be yelling at everyone involved, using words not usually found in a dictionary; telling them it was ugly and not consumer friendly.
1 2/3 stars
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