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Flash Movie Review: Pompeii
There are some things in life worth fighting for, metaphorically speaking. If I believe something is the right thing to do, I will argue the point without any time limit. I am willing to fight traffic if it means I get to spend quality time with a friend. (I bet you thought I was going to say a movie.) Love is certainly worth fighting for, wouldn’t you agree? There was someone I dated where I was wiling to make sacrifices or more accurately compromises because I felt it would help the relationship continue to grow. You may think it is silly, but one of my strongest self-imposed rules is my last meal cannot start later than 6pm, for dietary reasons. They liked eating at 8pm, feeling my time was too early. Luckily we both wanted to keep investing in our relationship so we negotiated times and made adjustments to help each other. In this situation it was worth it to me, to fight myself in the name of love. This fighting for love was one of the things I admired about this dramatic action film. Kit Harington (Games of Thrones-TV, Silent Hill: Revelation 3D) played Milo, who witnessed his parents’ death at a young age. Orphaned and alone he grew up a slave until he was old enough to become a gladiator. None of his fights meant anything to him until one day he saw Princess Cassia of Pompeii, played by Emily Browning (Sucker Punch, The Uninvited). I enjoy watching a movie that includes a historic setting or reenactment. It allows me to add a visual to what I have learned in school and books. Unfortunately the story for this film was pretty much a cheap knockoff of the movie Titanic, except there was fire instead of water. Kiefer Sutherland (Phone Booth, 24-TV) was forgettable as Corvus. I actually felt bad for Kit; with all the work he did to sculpt his body, he should have devoted some time to polishing his acting abilities for the big screen. He was one dimensional throughout the film. The only actor who did decent acting was Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Oz-TV) as fellow gladiator Atticus. I saw this film in 3D and it did nothing for me except cost me more money and made the picture look darker. The concept for this movie was silly to start with, add in the weak script and there really is no reason to fight your way to the movie theater to see this film. There were brief scenes that included blood.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Almost every town, neighborhood and village has its own folk tales. In the neighborhood where I grew up there were 2 houses that all of us kids believed were haunted. One house was perched on the corner of my block. Painted in a dark brown color, there were curling vines that creeped up the sides of the house scarring the paint off the wood, leaving the brooding house looking wounded. The other house was a couple of blocks away from our apartment but I never ventured by its rounded gate that had spikes on the top. My friends and I knew not to stop at these houses during Halloween. In my travels I have come across an area’s legends and stories; some had a fun quirkiness to them while others were used to explain the unexplainable. In this adventure fantasy film I loved the folklore presented to set up the story. While a mysterious archaeological dig was taking place in the mountains above the village; young Pietari Kontio, played by Onni Tommila (Last Cowboy Standing) noticed several children had gone missing right before Christmas. This film festival winning movie captured my attention immediately even with it also being considered a horror film. Set in the mountains of Finland, I felt I was transported to the coldness of the town as little clues were being dropped to the viewer, leading us like a lamb to slaughter. I knew no one in the cast, such as Jorma Tommila (Priest of Evil, Sisters Apart) as Pietari’s father Rauno and Tommi Korpela (The Home of Dark Butterflies, A Man’s Job) as Aimo; but it did not matter, it only heightened my belief that I was watching the actual town folk. The story was wickedly dark and amusing at the same time; I just found it creative in a twisted sort of way. Now I have no idea whether this tale was actually based on some true folk legend, but I found it to be a brilliant method to keep the viewer guessing as the plot unfolded. It was amazing to me how the writers took basic things most of us knew or had heard of and turned them into something different with sinister overtones. If you plan on seeing this picture be prepared because there were a couple of gruesome scenes. As some of you know I am not a big fan of horror movies, but I have to tell you I had a great time watching this film. It certainly gave a new meaning to the phrase, “…who was naughty or nice.” There were a couple of scenes with blood that some may find disturbing. Finnish with English subtitles.
3 1/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: The Nut Job
One of the best objects for motivation is food. It does not necessarily have to be a comfort type of food like cookies or ice cream; could be a sandwich or a piece of fruit. During the week food is the escalator that helps me get through the day. If I am having a stressful time at the office I know it will not last long because I have set up an oasis where I will be taking in some food at a certain time. I may not want to go jogging on Sunday but I know if I want to treat myself to a chocolate chip cookie later, I have to go running now. There are certain foods I will eat simply because I want them to continue a memory I cherish. The smell of cinnamon quickly brings to mind cookies my mother used to bake, where the dough had to be rolled out and cut with heart and diamond shaped cookie cutters. Just before the cookies were put into the oven they would get sprinkled with a combination of cinnamon and sugar. Whether there is an absence or abundance of food it still can be a big motivator as this animated movie will show you. Will Arnett (When in Rome, Blades of Glory) voiced Surly, a squirrel who only looked out for himself in a park filled with other animals. After being banished by the park’s dominant animal the raccoon, voiced perfectly by Liam Neeson (The Grey, Taken franchise), Surly tried to survive in a city filled with humans, where he was to discover something that could change everything for all the animals back in the park. I understood the moral message the writers were trying to convey in this adventure comedy, though it was a weak effort. Part of the issue was creating a story and film to cover everyone’s tastes; it was too much and too predictable. There was no humor for adults, spending way too much time on flatulence jokes. The voices of Katherine Heigl (Life as We Know It, Grey’s Anatomy-TV) as Andie and Brendan Fraser (The Mummy franchise, Bedazzled) as Grayson easily lent themselves to a cartoon character; but I did not find much excitement among the majority of the players. Compared to other animated films I have seen, this one was not much fun to watch. All I kept thinking about during most of the movie was what I would eat for lunch when I got home. There were a couple of extra scenes in the middle and end of the credits.
2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Legend of Hercules
After viewing this action film I was curious to see what actors portrayed Hercules in past years. Looking at the movie titles and the actors that starred in them, I am afraid to say author Edith Hamilton would be distraught at the lack of respect we have given this mythical Greek hero. Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in Hercules in New York, Reg Park was in Hercules and the Captive Women besides Hercules in the Haunted World; even Lou Ferrigno played Hercules a couple of times before he became the Incredible Hulk. I was shocked to find Ryan Gosling did a turn as a young Hercules before his star power really came to light. For those of you who were too young to have seen these movies, chances are you are familiar with the television series starring Kevin Sorbo as the son of Zeus. I was curious why director Renny Harlin (Diehard 2, The Covenant) felt the need to helm this adventure fantasy. Kellan Lutz (Twilight franchise, Immortals) starred as Hercules, though he did not know about his true identity until later in the film. The story began in ancient Greece 1200 BC as we learn the reasons why Hercules was born to Queen Alcmene, played by Roxanne McKee (The Expelled, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines) and then followed him as he grew up under the mistrustful eye of his stepfather King Amphitryon, played by Scott Adkins (Zero Dark Thirty, Assassination Games). Do you know how some of the worst foods for you taste the best? Well that is sort of the same idea I had about this schlock pop movie. It was so bad that it was like campy trash one would watch on a rainy day; sitting with a bag of potato chips, a tub of chip dip, a box of chocolate candy and a triple thick milkshake by one’s side. The acting was less about performance and more about being a cartoon character; it was so dull and corny with the ridiculous script. I have to assume the movie studio was looking to make a quick buck because the sets and special effects were beyond cheap looking. Wait until you see the lion; it looked like it was based on a squishy stuffed animal. Adding insult to injury, I saw this in a 3D theater that had issues with the film. For the first 20 minutes it was shown in 2D before the projectionist realized he was (I guess) supposed to flip a switch and make it 3D. No one in the theater even complained. I have to say once again Hollywood did Hercules wrong with this latest lowbrow movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: 47 Ronin
I am always eager to read or hear a good story. The stories from friends and family are special to listen to since there is the personal aspect to them; for example, a friend telling me how the unusual mantle clock on their dresser came to them from their grandfather. I only wish I knew the story behind a silver cup that was given to me that belonged to my great, great grandfather; imagine what kind of tale that would be. Another type of story I enjoy are the ones that have to do with public places like the reasons why the city of Chicago reversed the direction of the Chicago River or the true story behind the stock exchange building in Savannah, Georgia. When it comes to movies, I am always looking to be entertained by a good story. With regards to this adventure fantasy film, I thought it would be especially interesting since the film was based on an 18th century Japanese story about samurai. Never accepted as a true member of the village, the leader of a band of samurai named Oishi, played by Hiroyuki Sanada (The Wolverine, The Twilight Samurai), would have to depend on the special skills only Kai, played by Keanu Reeves (Speed, The Matrix franchise), could offer in the group’s quest to clear the name of their former master. From what I understood the historic legend was about 47 samurai who were known as ronins, which means without a master. So with this archival reference I thought the studio would have gone the extra distance to make a vivid action movie worthy of the story. Unfortunately that was not the case with this dull plodding film. Keanu did himself no favors, acting more like a supporting character; with his standard short, staccato quiet way of speaking. It is something everyone has seen before and all it achieved here was to dim my senses. The script was pretty much a total mess; I did not feel hardly any emotions throughout the scenes. At least there were a few good battle scenes; however, with the fantasy element being part of this story, I felt there was not enough of it in the film to make it noteworthy. Adding in the marketing of this movie, it looked like the studio spent a lot of money to make this picture. Sadly, the only story that will be told about this fiasco will be how the movie studio took a hit on their earnings for ruining a legendary tale. Several scenes had Japanese with English subtitles.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Daydreams are like the morning dew on budding ambitions. For inside those daydreams is the pollen of ideas. Many of us have daydreamed at one time or another; I am a firm believer in them. Daydreams provide me a safe haven to let my mind wander untethered from my required responsibilities. Sitting in a waiting room while my car is being serviced provides me time to take a mental vacation to a warm exotic place as the drifting snow outside the dealership fades away from my vision. After I lost my weight many years ago I used to daydream of being a dancer, specifically a go-go dancer. It was not because I was looking for adulation. After being uncomfortable in my body for so long, I wanted to see how it would feel to let go in a very vulnerable way and not give any thought to how I looked to other people. This dream stayed with me for some time but I never had the courage to follow through with it. However, that daydream played a factor in my pursuit of becoming an aerobic instructor. Finding myself in a physical activity where I was not being teased or judged gave me more confidence than I had ever experienced before. Someone else who had a fondness for daydreaming was Walter Mitty, played by Ben Stiller (Tropic Thunder, The Watch). To disappear from his uneventful life, Walter would escape into his daydreams of adventure and heroics. When his job position was threatened with elimination, Walter had to take off on a real adventure he never imagined in the hope of saving his job. Based on James Thurber’s short story of the same name, this adventure dramedy was not a remake of the Danny Kaye film. Directed by Ben, I enjoyed the flow of the story. There were several scenes that were visually stunning. I have to say those same scenes were the most engaging. If there was not some adventure taking place on screen I then found the story becoming weak, lacking any energy. The parts where Ben and Kristen Wiig (Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, Bridesmaids), who played fellow employee Cheryl Melhoff, were together I found almost boring. It was funny because I wished the short scenes that had Shirley MacLaine (The Apartment, Terms of Endearment) as Walter’s mother Edna, would have been longer. This award winning movie was a good effort but the people involved in making it would have done better if they had dreamt bigger.
2 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Walking with Dinosaurs
My love of museums began at a very young age. There were several top rated ones in the city where I was born. At one museum I could take a ride down into a coal mine or climb into an actual submarine from World War II. Another museum had these large comfy seats that would lean way back, so I could look up at the stars and planets that traveled across the rounded ceiling as it changed from morning to night in a matter of seconds. We had one museum that was filled with a variety of ancient objects. There were mummies and sarcophagi that I, of course, thought were props from the movies Ben Hur and The Ten Commandments. The other thing I always found fascinating in this museum were the prehistoric skeleton bones. As far as I was concerned they were the bones I saw in the Jules Verne movies I would watch on Saturday afternoons. To see up close the massive size of the dinosaur skeletons only fueled my imagination. The same held true in this action movie because the special effects truly brought the dinosaurs to life. I can only imagine what it must have looked like in the 3D version. The story was about Patchi, voiced by Justin Long (Drag Me to Hell, Accepted), the youngest and smallest of the herd leader’s children. With his friend Alex the bird, voiced by John Leguizamo (Moulin Rouge, Assault of Precinct 13), Patchi did not let his size get in the way of trying to be a hero. This family film was perfect for little children, especially those that are into prehistoric animals. Unfortunately that is the only good thing to be said about this boring movie. I did say it was great to watch but that only goes so far; a good story was needed to keep viewers’ attention. The humor was strictly infantile with cliched themes, such as the rivalry between Patchi and his older brother Scowler, voiced by Skyler Stone (The Rules of Attraction, Stuck on You). John Leguizamo has a distinct, rapid fire delivery that with the right script works well. Here the few funny lines he did have were probably not picked up by any of the youngsters in the audience. In fact, there were lines said by many of the characters that were just lame. It really was a shame because the trailer gave the impression of an exciting, dramatic adventure story. You would be better off to just look up the trailer and avoid the movie. Or better yet go to a natural history museum and let your imagination take off with the dinosaur bones on display.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Some of the things home means to me are comfort, peacefulness, safety and refuge. This pertains to my present location. Home also has a special meaning when I think of the place where I grew up. There were neighbors who lived across, below and around the corner from our apartment. If I wanted to talk to my cousins who lived on the other side of the building all I had to do was open the bathroom window and call out their names. The other neighbors in the building were just like family to me. It meant nothing to go pick up something at the grocery store for a neighbor, especially since they would give me extra money to buy myself some candy. Years later when I found out our old apartment building was going from rentals to condominiums I was heartbroken. How could the apartment I was born in now be owned by someone? As long as it was a rental I could still imagine each person living there was only temporarily residing in my childhood apartment. Home can be a powerful connection which explains the motivation that drove the dwarves of Erebor to reclaim their land taken away by the greedy dragon Smaug. Led by Thorin, played by Richard Armitage (Captain America: The First Avenger, Robin Hood-TV), the dwarves were helped on their perilous journey by the Hobbit Bilbo Baggins, played by Martin Freeman (Love Actually, The World’s End) and Gandalf the Grey, played by Ian McKellen (X-Men franchise, Gods and Monsters). The landscape that director Peter Jackson (King Kong, The Lovely Bones) laid out in this fantasy film was exquisite. It looked as real and amazing as any of the incredible landscapes that would be considered a wonder of the world. The action was close to nonstop as possible to the point where I felt it was overkill. For me this was the movie’s downfall. There were so many action scenes that the story never developed fully. For the life of me I have no idea what was the reason for the secondary story line regarding the elf Tauriel, played by Evangeline Lilly (Real Steel, Afterwards); it came out of the blue and made no sense to me. Due to the excess of fight scenes in this adventure film, their repetitiveness only added to the times where I was getting bored. Clocking in at 2 hours and 41 minutes, this was a movie that felt longer because it did not have the magic that was present in the The Lord of the Rings franchise. To end on an up note I thought the dragon Smaug was a technical achievement. It was a shame the dwarves not only had to fight evil forces if they wanted to get back their homeland, they had to battle a bad script.
2 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Hanna
Something I have been saying for years is if you need a license to drive a car, then you need to get a license to have and take care of a child. I have not fathered any children, nor have anything against parenthood; I only base my statement on things I have seen throughout the years. When a baby is born they have a pure, blank slate. They do not know anything about racism, sexism, hatred or have preconceived opinions that are not based on reason or actual experiences. I have always been curious about this idea because it begs the question, “How do people get theses traits?” I do not mean to offend anyone nor be judgmental, but I have always felt it was the parent’s responsibility to teach their child to be an independent thinker. Maybe I should just say show them the difference between right and wrong. In regards to this action thriller, when I said a parent needs a license to raise a child I did not mean a license to kill. Saoirse Ronan (The Host,The Lovely Bones) played Hanna, who was raised in a remote area of Finland by her single dad Erik Heller, played by Eric Bana (Munich, Closed Circuit). Erik had spent years raising his daughter to be the perfect assassin before sending her out into the world. Once Hanna ventured out of their safe haven she soon discovered her father did not teach her everything a young girl should know. Not only did I think Saoirse did an excellent job of acting, but I was surprised with her fight scenes. They were well choreographed with clean straight forward action. To me Eric’s character was not a major role compared to Cate Blanchett’s (Blue Jasmine, Babel) role as Agent Marissa Wiegler. I really enjoyed Cate’s character. The story was a good idea; I liked the contrast of having a young innocent character being a lethal killer. What did not work was the screenplay; there were scenes that I found ridiculous, where I could not find any logical reason for them. In the case of this adventure film I think it could have used a license to make sense. There were a few scenes with violence and blood in them.
2 1/2 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Adventures of the Penguin King
My first encounter with exotic animals took place at a zoo. It was a family outing and our first time going to the zoo. I remember how excited I was as we passed through the zoo’s tall metal gates. There were signposts that had wooden cutouts of animals standing on arrows, pointing the way to where we could find them. I was struck by the pungent smell as we entered some of the indoor pavilions. My two favorite animals I wanted to see were the tigers and the chimpanzees. There was something about the way the tigers moved that mesmerized me. As for the chimps, my favorite stuffed animal was Zippy the Chimpanzee that was handed down to me from my brother; I wanted to see some of Zippy’s relatives. After spending the entire day at the zoo, the last thing we did before exiting was to visit the gift shop. It was here where the magic of the day solidified for me. Standing in a corner of the shop was a machine that looked like a jukebox. Instead of records there were wheels and molds that would come together and create a wax model of your favorite animal. That was it for me; I deposited the quarters that were given to me and watched as the machinery created a golden tiger. Once I got home I placed the wax figure on the top shelf of my bookcase so it could watch over me as I slept. There were so many wonders discovered on that first trip that vividly remain with me today. If you never had a similar stirring experience regarding the sight of live animals at a zoo then you might enjoy watching this family adventure film. Tim Allen (Wild Hogs, Big Trouble) was the voice of Rex, a king penguin who returned home to Penguin City on South Georgia Island near Antarctica. The movie followed Rex as he struggled against harsh conditions to find a mate and start a family of his own. This sanitized drama confused me; I thought it was gong to be a documentary. When I looked for a movie trailer, I discovered this film was released a year ago as Penguins 3D. It seems as if they added more footage and created this story. I did not see this in 3D nor find anything that had not been shown before in TV shows or movie documentaries. With Tim narrating, the humor was kept at a mild children’s level. If you know nothing about penguins or have a child that has never been to a zoo, then it would be okay to see this movie. For me, it did not provide any joyous wonder.
2 stars
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