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Flash Movie Review: Kick-Ass 2
They walk together in pairs or groups, wearing dark berets upon their heads. I have only seen them a couple of times since they made their presence known in my city. Consisting of volunteers, they are a group of people who hope by being seen they can provide a layer of safety for residents and visitors. I understand and appreciate any non-judgemental person who wants to make their place a safer one. The same goes for people in any type of work that benefits humanity; I am in awe of their desire and dedication to help people feel better. This was one of the reasons the first Kick-Ass movie did so well. Where that movie focused on a couple of ordinary people portraying themselves as superheroes, without the super powers; this action comedy delved into the aftermath of being a hero. Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Savages, The Illusionist) once again played Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass. Inspired by the birth of ordinary citizens donning costumes to fight crime, Dave sought out Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl, played by Chloe Grace Moretz (Hugo, Let Me In), to join him and form a crime fighting duo. Little did they know at the same time Chris D’Amico/Red Mist, played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad, Role Models), was reinventing himself to become the world’s first super villain. Part of his mission was to get revenge on Kick-Ass for killing his father. Sadly I cannot tell you what name Red Mist chose for his evil persona, because if I were to put it in print I would be slapped with an obscenity charge. Things were not any better with the story; I found parts of it were mean-spirited. Where the first film was fun and hopeful, this one was vulgar and boring. I cannot believe I am going to say this but the best part of the movie was Jim Carrey (The Truman Show, In Living Color-TV) playing Colonel Stars and Stripes. He brought life to his character. Hit-Girl’s fight scenes were the only other part I enjoyed in this dreadful dud. There was such a good opportunity here to extend the first film’s story and make a decent sequel, with the same endearing characters. Instead they grew up and turned into less interesting people. I have to blame this on the writers. A couple of brief scenes had blood in them.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Smurfs 2
Sequels are unusual due to the fact they suffer from a personality disorder. When they are done well, the movie viewer is able to take fresh fond memories and store them with the seasoned ones that are already up in a cupboard of their mind. I feel a closer connection to the characters after I see a good sequel; for example, Ironman or Before Midnight. In a way it feels as if I caught up with an old friend. There are some movies that should never have a sequel because the original movie was classic, such as Sleeping Beauty, Pinnochio or Lawrence of Arabia. It would be upsetting to see a sequel that soiled the pristine features of an iconic film. Out of all the sequels there is a certain group that I consider the most offensive. These are the ones that were made as an afterthought because the movie studio was surprised with the large revenue generated from the first film. To me the movie sequels in this group are only there because of greed. Case in point is this movie. First of all, are Smurfs even relevant these days? I do not know anyone whose children have some kind of Smurf branded item. In this sequel the evil wizard Gargamel, played by Hank Azaria (Godzilla, Love & Other Drugs), has created two mischievous creatures called the Naughties. The one thing missing to complete them for his evil plan was in a secret formula. The only way he could get his hands on it was to kidnap Smurfette, voiced by Katy Perry. The Smurfs would need their human friends Patrick and Grace Winslow, played by Neal Patrick Harris (Undercover Brother, How I Met Your Mother-TV) and Jayma Mays (Red Eye, Glee-TV), to foil Gargamel’s plan. The story was made up of a series of one-liners and sight gags. There was no character development which attributed to the blase acting. Hank was the only actor that looked like he was trying to act and make the best of the pathetic script. In regards to Brendan Gleeson (Safe House, Gangs of New York) as Patrick’s stepdad Victor, I was simply embarrassed for him. I can only assume Neal was under contract because with his string of hosting successes there would be no reason to sully that with this poor sequel. The best parts of this comedy movie were the animation and outdoor scenes of Paris; the worst part was everything else. On a sad note it was touching to see the dedication to Jonathan Winters who voiced Papa Smurf. The sadness was because this film had to be his final performance. If you plan on seeing the film, then stay through to the end of the credits.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: R.I.P.D.
It is not healthy for me to ignore my cravings. If it involves a particular food, I know if I do not satisfy my yearning, I will only wind up eating other things that will not be gratifying to me. What would make the situation worse is if I could not find the right item; I am sure this has happened to many of you. That urge, let us say, for a chocolate chip cookie; where your mind races to figure out the fastest way you can get one of those decadent, lovely circular mounds of soft moist dough that have accepted the requests from those deep rich chocolate chips to come settle down and plant roots on their pliable land–aahhhh. Imagine how it feels when you finally find a place that sells these cookies, buy one and on your first bite your taste buds are assaulted by a dry, unsweetened, hard pice of crumbling sawdust. You were taken in by a horrible imposter. Well, that is the same feeling I had watching this poor excuse for a science fiction/fantasy film. Recently slain police officer Nick, played by Ryan Reynolds (Safe House, Just Friends) found himself sitting in front of Proctor, played by Mary-Louise Parker (Red franchise, Solitary Man), the Unhuman Resources Manager for the Rest In Peace Department. Being given the option to go back to Earth, Nick agreed to join the force so he could find his killer. Accompanying him was veteran officer Roy, played by Jeff Bridges (True Grit, Crazy Heart). The story was a cut and paste job that took parts from Men in Black, Ghost and Ghost Busters. Unfortunately the writers did nothing to enhance or update the stories; so, I am at a loss to understand why they bothered with this movie. There was such a great opportunity to inject humor into this film; if only the writers had played up the human forms of NIck and Roy. Those alive would see Roy as a young, voluptuous blonde-haired woman and Nick as an elderly Asian man. It would have been funny to see more of these two characters in the crazy stunts that happened to them. The special effects were fine and I was so surprised to see Kevin Bacon (Mystic River, Sleepers) in the movie as Hayes. He was not in any of the trailers I had seen. Maybe the whole purpose of the film was so Jeff and Ryan could be added into the trail of seven degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. After sitting through this film I came home and popped a DVD in of a good science fiction movie to watch and satisfy my craving.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Lone Ranger
The first musical notes may not be recognized by younger people, but almost everyone else will know the William Tell Overture. As soon as I hear the music I can recall the excitement I had seeing a majestic white horse standing on its hind legs, the rider dressed in white except for his black mask as he exclaimed, “Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!” Danger, thrills, disguises and chases are things I associate with the Lone Ranger. He was a strong character who fought for justice, alongside his Native American companion Tonto. In this action film you at least get the white horse. For nearly 2 1/2 hours you get a boring, ridiculous mess of a movie. Johnny Depp (Dark Shadows, The Rum Diary) played an ancient Tonto telling in flashbacks his story of witnessing the transformation of John Reid into the Lone Ranger, played by Armie Hammer (Mirror Mirror, J. Edgar). I am tired of movie studios slapping bizarre makeup and costumes on Johnny, thinking that is all that is needed to make a memorable character. Sure, I remember the outfit but I also remember Johnny hardly did any acting worth noting. Partners need chemistry to convince the audience that they have a solid bond and are there for each other. I did not feel any such thing between Armie and Johnny. Having the older Tonto tell the story was utterly useless; it did nothing to enhance the story except the duration of the movie’s running time. The explosions were well done and a couple of chase scenes had some thought put into them, but it was like watching fireworks. The story was so disconnected I felt I was just watching one fight after another. The only decent acting came from Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton, The Debt) as businessman Cole and William Fichtner (Contact, Black Hawk Down) as outlaw Butch Cavendish. The best way to watch this film would be going out for a meal at the start of the movie then arrive back for the last 1/2 hour of the film. At least you will get to hear the William Tell Overture. Better yet, download the music and look for an old episode of the television show to watch. There were a couple of scenes with blood and one particularly disturbing scene.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: After Earth
Since the National Spelling Bee was held last week, I thought we could do a word of the day. Today’s word is “dynasty.” The dictionary defines dynasty as a succession of people from the same family who play a prominent role in business, politics or in this case entertainment. I do not have an issue with actors bringing their children into the business. The only thing that matters to me is whether they are good actors or not. As for their personal lives I am not interested in the news that comes out of the tabloids. At one point while watching this science fiction movie, I felt a psychiatrist’s office would have been a better venue for Will Smith (Hancock, Seven Pounds) and his son Jaden Smith (The Karate Kid, The Day the Earth Stood Still). Playing father and son Cypher Raige and Kitai Raige, the two seemed out of synch. Based on Will’s story, if I had known M. Night Shyamalan (The Last Airbender, The Village) was the director; I would have seriously considered waiting to watch this movie on DVD and not waste my money. The story had nothing special to offer. Encouraged by his wife Faia, played by Sophie Okoedo (The Secret Life of Bees, Skin), Cypher brought his son along on his last space mission. The idea was for them to have some father and son bonding time; but when their spacecraft crash landed on a hostile planet, the inexperienced Kitai had to venture out alone to find the ship’s emergency beacon. The first thing that struck me about this film was the cheap looking props and poor CGI effects. Some of the items looked as if they were purchased from a home and bath decor discount store. After being mesmerized by the tiger in the film LIfe of Pi, all the animals in this movie looked phony. For a science fiction movie there was little science fiction in it. The nearly two hours were filled with stiff performances and corny lines. The problem with this film I believe is when someone is trying to build a dynasty; they do not want anyone around to question them or their motives. If Will wanted to have quality time with his son he should have taken him camping or on a road trip to check out potential colleges. Throw Mr. Shyamalan into the mix and you wind up with a science fiction movie this is stranger than fiction. A couple of brief scenes that showed blood.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Peeples
When I hear the words “I want you to meet my family” a sense of dread begins to creep up on me. I know it goes with the territory when you are in a relationship and things are going good, but meeting family and friends is like taking an exam. You get graded on several categories from appearance to job history to personality. I find it stressful and depending on who is doing the testing determines the intensity of the questioning. I have found the easiest group to meet are the brothers. They are the most laid back and usually only care about finding out what common interests we share. However, watch out for the oldest brother; he tends to be more protective. The toughest group is a toss up between the sisters and the best friend(s). These two sects have no qualms grilling for detailed information as they literally stare you down. More than likely the best friend will reveal an embarrassing tidbit about the person you love. Be careful, because they are only telling you so they can judge your reaction. If you react in a positive way when hearing about an embarrassing incident involving someone they dated, the best friend will consider you in a negative light. From my years going through this interviewing process, there was nothing I found new or funny in this comedy. Craig Robinson (The Pineapple Express, The Office-TV) played Wade Walker, who wanted to meet his girlfriend Grace Peeples’, played by Kerry Washington (Django Unchained, Ray), family. For some reason Grace had been hesitant to introduce him, so Wade decided to surprise her by showing up at her parents’ front door. I was embarrassed for S. Epatha Merkerson (Lackawanna Blues, Law & Order-TV) playing the mother Daphne and David Alan Grier (Jumanji, In Living Color-TV) playing the father Virgil. There was no originality in this film except for Craig’s dancing. I did not mind him in his role, but I was surprised Kerry agreed to do this movie. It just seemed too low brow for her to waste her time and talent. Either, I have been introduced to too many family members and friends in my dating experiences or this film had stale and unfunny humor in it. Which one do you suppose is the correct answer?
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Pain & Gain
The pairing of the words pain and gain is something I associate with working out. I have heard gym teachers tell their students, “work through the pain” or “you won’t get stronger if you don’t feel the pain.” To me these are not words of encouragement. The closest I come to saying something like that in my classes is to say, “it is ok to feel a muscle working.” I am afraid members could injure themselves if they think that feeling pain is the only way to know they are doing the exercises correctly. Thanks to this action film I now have a different association for the words pain and gain. I will always remember how painful it was for me to watch this film and how I wanted to gain back the time I lost. Based on a true story, director Michael Bay (Transformers franchise, Armageddon) filled this movie with an abundance of blood and violence. The actual story was so outrageous that I kept thinking that what I was seeing on the screen could not have really happened. And herein was one of the issues I had with Michael’s directing; there was so much time devoted to showing the violence I never got a real sense of the three main characters. Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter, Ted), Dwayne Johnson (Snitch, Get Smart) and Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker, Real Steel) played bodybuilders Daniel Lugo, Paul Doyle and Adrian Doorbal. Not wanting to spend the rest of his life as a personal trainer; Daniel Lugo hatched a plan to kidnap his wealthy client Victor Kershaw, played by Tony Shalhoub (Hemmingway & Gellhorn, Monk-TV), for his money. With Paul and Adrian on board; what was to have been a fast, easy job turned into a cluster blunder. The only good acting came from Tony Shalhoub and Ed Harris (The Rock, A History of Violence) as Ed DuBois. If Dwayne Johnson’s goal was to look like a moving mountain, he succeeded. Maybe with the story being so unbelievable, Dwayne wanted to look as non-human as possible. After some time I was bored with this film. Though I did not get pumped up by the story, I did get a sudden urge to go to the health club and work out.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Magic gives us the opportunity to believe there is something else around us that may explain the unexplainable. For some our 1st encounter with magic occurred when we were babies. A face would appear from behind a covering of hands and say peek-a-boo. I remember my older brothers playfully grabbing my nose then showing it to me sticking out from their clenched fingers. It took me a while to figure out they were sticking the tip of their thumb up between those rounded fingers. Some type of magic can be found almost every day if you look hard enough. No matter how much you look though, you will find no movie magic in this dull comedy. Childhood friends Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton, played by Steve Carell (Hope Springs, Date Night) and Steve Buscemi (Fargo, Boardwalk Empire-TV), grew up to be famous magicians of a Las Vegas show. When street performer/magician Steve Gary, played by Jim Carrey (Mr. Popper’s Penguins, The Truman Show), gained enough public interest to steal the two headliners’ thunder, a competition began to see who would become the top magician to lead a new show for hotelier Doug Munny, played by James Gandolfini (Welcome to the Rileys, Killing Them Softly) in his new hotel. From the entire movie I believe I chuckled four times. If you have never seen Jim Carrey you will enjoy his performance. For the rest of you who have seen him, it was the same old stuff from rubber faced Jim. Both Steves were lackluster, uttering infantile lines; it made the scenes drag. The only one who was good but did not have much screen time was Alan Arkin (Argo, Stand Up Guys) as Rance Holloway. Olivia Wilde (The Words, In Time) as Wonderstone’s assistant Jane was forgettable. However, part of the reason was the undeveloped role given to her. I am afraid this film created no magic for me. They say “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” in the promotional ads for the city. No truer words have ever been spoken; this film should not have left the editing room. I had more fun making a pint of ice cream disappear over the weekend.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: 21 & Over
Growing up in a state where 21 years of age was the legal limit for buying alcoholic beverages, my friends had a better appreciation of me going to college out of state. The reason being the university was in a state where 18 was the legal drinking age. You would have thought I would have taken advantage of the situation, but it only took one time of me getting drunk that ended my drinking with visiting friends. The dumbest thing I did was skip breakfast and lunch the day after because I was hung over. Those who know me know I never miss a meal. What I do not understand is when I was drunk that one time I did not have the desire to take off my clothes in public or dance on top of cars. Why then would I care to watch someone else act out in a drunken state? So I could review this movie for you. Known for writing The Hangover and Wedding Crashers, Jon Lucas and Scott Moore chose to make their directorial debut with this story. Straight A college student Jeff Chang, played by Justin Chon (Twilight franchise, Hang Loose) had one of the most important meetings of his life set up the morning after his 21st birthday. His father Dr. Chang, played by Francois Chau (Lost-TV, Rescue Dawn) would be picking him up promptly, first thing in the morning. Unplanned was the surprise visit from Jeff’s two best friends Miller and Casey, played by Miles Teller (Rabbit Hole, Project X) and Skylar Astin (Pitch Perfect, Taking Woodstock). Pleading with Jeff to let them take him out for one drink, Miller and Casey promised they would bring him right back. I do not have to say anything else; that is how predictable the story was in this sordid film. Honestly, there was nothing creative except for a couple of stupid stunts as the trio went on a drinking binge. Maybe I did not get the memo on what was required to view this movie–a six pack of beer, not that I am encouraging anyone to drink. My advice is to save your money and go rent the movie Animal House instead.
1 2/3 stars
moviejoltz 