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Flash Movie Review: The Guardian
Making something look easy is a real art form. It can be quite hard to pull off. In my yoga classes I strive to make the poses available to all fitness levels. When teaching cycle class the members do not know, while I am giving out movie reviews and news tidbits, I am watching their body alignment, posture, signs of fatigue, anything that may be detrimental to their health. My goal is not to let anyone feel intimidated in my class; I do everything I ask the class to do and never leave someone behind. While watching this DVD my impression of the coast guard was blown out of the water, so to speak. I never gave much thought to the United States Coast Guard. My only exposure was seeing them on television rescuing pets or drunk people out on the water. I have to tell you how surprised I was with this film. The story took place at one of the USCG’s training centers for their rescue swimmer’s team. Kevin Costner (Waterworld, Dances with Wolves) played Ben Randall, an elite rescue swimmer who was offered a teaching job after a rescue mission turned deadly. Ashton Kutcher (No Strings Attached, The Butterfly Effect) played hot shot high school swimming champ Jake Fischer, who joined the coast guard to escape a mysterious past. The chemistry between the two actors was better than I expected; they were believable, sympathetic characters. The physical requirements the trainees had to achieve were daunting; I had no idea how rigorous and dangerous it was for them. Sela Ward (The Fugitive, Sisters-TV) played Ben’s wife Helen; I would have preferred more scenes with her than the filler love interest inserted into the story. This dramatic action film had similar elements to the movie An Officer and a Gentleman, which I did not mind in the least. After sitting anxiously through the exciting action scenes I wished the writers would have spent more time on the ending; it seemed rushed and predictable. My impression of coast guard personnel has been totally altered by this hardy movie. I will never underestimate how they make things look easy.
2 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: The Collection
The first clue on whether a film will be good or not is when the movie studio does not release it for critics to review. It is not because the editing department was trying to clear up a fuzzy looking scene or the sound department wanted to dub in a better sounding scream; the studio wants to make a quick buck before film reviewers bury the picture. Since I do not want to disappoint any of my followers, let me say I took a bullet for you by seeing this atrocious film. Not being my favorite genre and not realizing it was a sequel, I at least expected to be scared. On the contrary, I found nothing surprising or suspenseful in this movie. You may be asking yourself how I would know if I do not usually attend screenings of horror movies. The answer would be I at least can experience suspense and tension on a physcial level and this bloody film did not provide it. What it did offer was enough blood to shut down the American Red Cross for a month and enough dead bodies to keep a tristate region of universities stocked with cadavers for several semesters. Emma Fitzpatrick (The Social Network, In Time) played Elena, a daddy’s girl who sneaked out of the house one night. You know what that meant; she had to be the victim for going against the wishes of her father, played by Christopher McDonald (Requiem for a Dream, Happy Gilmore). Josh Stewart (The Dark Knight Rises, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) reprised his role of Arkin, the only individual who knew where the killer set up shop. Surprisingly I liked the elaborate contraptions created to capture and kill innocent victims; they would make Rube Goldberg proud. Rounding out the cast was the muscle guy, the woman of ethnic background, the character of unknown allegiance and several easily disposable actors. In conclusion I will just say this movie was so bad, I did not get upset with the guy next to me who kept texting throughout the film.
1 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Red Dawn
Everything in this action movie such as explosions, gun battles and chases would be ideal if they were all in a video game. If only the armrests had been equipped with joysticks I would have had something to do…like blowing up the entire town on the movie screen. I cannot believe someone at the movie studio sat down and tossed out the idea of doing a remake of a movie that was average at best. And then someone actually replied in the affirmative, offering an updated spin on the original story is mind blowing. In this new version, sections of the United States were taken over in a surprise attack by North Korean forces. On leave, marine Jed Eckert, played by Chris Hemsworth (The Avengers, Snow White and the Huntsman), headed up a group of local teenagers (trust me I am not making this up) to take on the enemy. Josh Peck (The Wackness, What Goes Up) who played Jed’s younger brother Matt, went through this movie in a near catatonic state or maybe he thought he was acting. I still am perplexed why Chris Hemsworth took this role, along with Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games, The Kids are All Right) as Robert Kitner and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Possession, The Losers) as Tanner. The dialog was dreadful, both corny and cliched. Not being a fan of the shaky camera filming effect, I was just annoyed with it here. As for the story it was looney. The idea of this band of kids taking on the North Koreans after they just outsmarted all of the United States’ defenses, was crazy. One would have thought Chris with The Avengers and Josh with The Hunger Games would have made enough money to allow them the luxury of being more selective in their choice of movie roles. A more suitable title for this film would have been Real Dull.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Last Airbender
All I could think about while watching this movie was that James Taylor song with the lyrics “I see fire and I see rain.” With the past week being extra hectic, I wanted to chill out with a fantasy film that had loads of special effects. It is the easiest way for me to calm down and space out. When I saw the trailer for this movie I thought it would be the perfect choice for my state of mind. The story was set in a world divided into kingdoms: Air, Earth, Fire and Water. Peace between the kingdoms was kept with the aid of an Avator, a person who was able to control all four elements. But there was a time when the young Avator disappeared and the peace was shattered, allowing the Fire Nation to pursue dominance over the other kingdoms. I want to start out with a positive statement, so let me say the special effects were good. In addition the film had some beautiful shots of scenery. Unfortunately that is the only good thing I can say about this boring mess. Director, writer and producer M. Night Shyamalan (The Village, The Sixth Sense) was the reason this movie was so bad. The writing was dull with cheesy lines one would expect from a 10 year old. His directing was utterly lifeless. The poor younger cast members like Noah Ringer (Cowboys & Aliens) as Aang and Nicola Peltz (Deck the Halls, Harold) as Katara appeared as if they were unsupervised, leaving them bland and emotionless. Even Dev Patel (Slumdog Millionaire, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) as Prince Zuko could not help this bad movie. I have not read the comic books this film was based on, but I have heard they were good. One could only assume the comic book writers cringed when they saw this clunker. Let us look on the bright side; with a sequel in the works, the bar has been set so low that the next movie has to be better.
1 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: The Man with the Iron Fists
Ladies and gentlemen for tonight’s main attraction; oh wait, that is not right. There were very few women in the audience for this blood fest. For the couple of women seated near me I am guessing they lost a bet; one seemed more interested in her fingernails than what was on the screen. I haven’t seen so much slicing and dicing since I had to wait in line at the neighborhood delicatessen during their cold cuts holiday sale. With Quentin Tarantino as a producer, one has to know there is going to be a spirited blood bath. It was 19th century China and Jungle Village was the home to several rival clans. When word got out that a shipment of gold was to be transported through the village; mysterious individuals, mobs and assassins plotted a way to steal the gold and seize power. Rza (Repo Men, American Gangster) wrote the screenplay, directed the movie and starred as the blacksmith who was forced to make elaborate weapons for rival gangs. Russell Crowe (Robin Hood, A Beautiful Mind) was the curious Jack Knife, a man who was as comfortable with his knife as he was with his opium. And to interject a shot of estrogen into this dominant men’s club, Lucy Liu (Kill Bill Vol. 1, Charlie’s Angels) was the lethal Madam Blossom, with her bevy of poisonous beauties. The action drove the majority of this story and that was a good thing. With only Russell and Lucy doing any acting worth noting, the other characters were left portraying poor caricatures. There was a comic book flavor to this kung fu film with unsophisticated humor and sight gags. I will say some of the fight scenes were decent, but it lacked the finesse of a true martial arts master. If one is looking to see people getting the crap beat out of them in a somewhat creative way, this would be a cheap choice. Scenes with graphic violence and blood, including the movie trailer.
2 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Unstoppable
I used to have a love/hate relationship with trains growing up. As a little kid I never wanted to sit by the windows when the train was above ground. I thought my weight would tip the train over, so I always tried to stay close to the center of the train car. Talk about having a poor self image as a little overweight child. Only when the train would go below ground would I finally relax, since I felt the dark tunnels we traveled would always keep us upright. At least that is how I rationalized it. These days when I travel to a new city I make a point of always using their public transportation; it makes me feel like an adventurer. Seeing a trailer for this action film, I thought I could easily roll with the story. I still get a kick out of the train rides at amusement parks, so this movie looked like it would be an exciting thrill ride. Inspired by true events, human error caused an unmanned freight train to leave the yard, with its cargo of toxic chemicals. With no air brakes the train would continue to pick up speed until it derailed, causing a life threatening disaster. If seasoned engineer Frank, played by Denzel Washington (The Great Debaters, American Gangster), along with young conductor Will, played by Chris Pine (Star Trek, People Like Us), had any chance to stop a tragedy from occurring, they would have to work together in a race against time. At the start I enjoyed the no nonsense approach the director took in setting up the basis of the story. I was curious to see how the action would be sustained, since in my mind a train seemed like it would have less exciting options than if the story was about a hijacked or crippled airplane. It was a false concern; the action kept a steady pace as the tension grew incrementally. The acting was nothing special to me. Denzel was doing his Denzel method, being on autopilot while Chris did not bring anything new to the table. I thought Rosario Dawson (Seven Pounds, Sin City) did a good job as Connie who worked at the train operating center. This film is fine for those who want to experience the thrill of an amusement park ride without waiting in line.
2 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Cowboys & Aliens
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but lasers will always hurt you. When I first heard about the mash up of cowboys and aliens I thought what a strange combination. Adding in the actors chosen for this film, I decided to check out and see if our latest James Bond actor could handle beings from outer space. Jake Loneran, played by Daniel Craig (Defiance, Casino Royale) woke up without his memory and a strange metal bracelet attached to his wrist. After wandering into the small town of Absolution, he was identified as a wanted man. Just as he was about to be hauled off to face justice, strange lights appeared in the sky that attacked the town. If people wanted to be saved they would have to stand behind Jake, who had the key to saving earth; he just did not know it. Daniel Craig did some things that reminded me of his James Bond character, but he was wooden in this performance. Harrison Ford (Air Force One, Extraordinary Measures), as feared landowner Woodrow Dolarhyde, was more like a mean Indiana Jones. The only reason Olivia Wilde (In Time, The Words) was cast as Ella Swenson was for the writers to inject a love interest angle into the story. Her story line made little sense to me. I was completely perplexed why Paul Dano (There Will be Blood, Ruby Sparks) would agree to play whining Percy Dolarhyde, Woodrow’s son. The story was silly rubbish; it was a disappointment. I liked the special effects and action but they were not enough to maintain my interest during the illogical parts. Daniel Craig better ditch the cowboy hat and go back to his stirred not shaken martini.
1 3/4 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Here Comes the Boom
What a rude awakening I got my first week as a high school freshman. The first time in physical ed class a ceiling tile fell, nearly hitting a student in the head. From that day forward I always kept one eye on the roof waiting for the next tile bomb to drop. Since my elementary school did not have a cafeteria, the first time I walked down the lunch room line I was surprised by how many food items did not look like they were part of nature. I do not recall any teachers who would do what the teachers did in this movie. If Kevin James (Grown Ups, The King of Queens-TV) was graded for playing teacher Scott Voss, he would get an above average for effort. He deserved credit for doing the physical training the role demanded. Scott would try to become a mixed martial arts fighter to raise money for classes being cut, due to a budget shortfall. If he could get a scheduled fight, he would get paid even if he lost. It was a win-win situation. The cast was an enjoyable bunch to watch. Kevin’s character was affable and down to earth. I do have to say it was odd seeing Henry Winkler (Click, Happy Days-TV) playing a submissive, wishy washy character as music teacher Marty Streb. Come on, he was the Fonz. The other surprise was seeing Salma Hayek (Frida, Once Upon a Time in Mexico) playing school nurse Bella Flores in this comedy. For what was required of her, she was fine in this role. The problem with this movie was the story was bloated and predictable. The multitude of sight gags did not always work, being dull and flat. More chuckles than laughs, this boom was more like a pop. A brief scene with blood.
2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Taken 2
I was glad my dad taught me how to drive the year before I was scheduled to take driver’s ed in high school. Only one day practicing in a parking lot before we headed out onto the streets. When I finally took class I was the brakeman for the car. There was a poor girl in my group who kept sideswiping the safety cones. The instructor made her walk the driving course using one of the cones as a steering wheel. In this movie I would like to know how the daughter Kim, played by Maggie Grace (Lockout, The Jane Austen Book Club) was able to drive a stolen car better than Jason Statham in his Transporter movies. She had flunked the driver’s test twice prior. This was just one of the ridiculous events that took place in this low minded sequel. On a business trip to Istanbul Bryan Mills, played by Liam Neeson (The Grey, Schindler’s List), was surprised when his daughter and ex-wife Lenore, played by Famke Janssen (X-Men franchise, The Treatment), showed up to visit. Kim hoped the time together would rekindle her parents’ love for each other. However, she was not aware of the plan in place, hatched by the father of one of her kidnappers in the previous movie. Murad Krasniqi, played by Rade Serbedzija (Shooter, In the Land of Milk and Honey), wanted to take revenge on Bryan and his family for the death of his son. The movie was a disappointment due to the weak script and silly action scenes. There was nothing original here and I found it amazing that Liam’s character was able to kill so many people without even getting grazed by a single bullet. The saving grace was Liam doing what he did best and that was act. At his age to be considered an action hero is an accomplishment. I only wish he would be more selective in his movie choices, because after seeing this film I feel I was taken. Violent scenes with blood.
1 3/4 stars
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