Author Archives: moviejoltz
Flash Movie Review: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Luck is such a fickle, fluidic vehicle of fate. You cannot depend on it because it is unreliable, at least for some folks. There are terms you may have heard such as, “Born with a lucky horseshoe up their bum” or “If they didn’t have bad luck, they would have no luck at all,” that describe people who seem to be visited frequently by “Lady Luck.” I have noticed that when luck chooses to visit me in a negative way it usually returns in rapid succession once or twice immediately afterwards. Just this past weekend when I was trying to fly back home I wound up being stuck at the airport due to my flight being delayed. Upon the first delay I remembered thinking just my luck, I will have to find something to eat for dinner at the airport. Now someone could say I was lucky to find something to eat; but in my brain, I was upset because a mixed green salad, fruit cup, snack sized bag of chips and a small bottle of water cost me $21.00. When the flight was delayed for the second time I realized I would miss the opportunity to catch a film on the way home after landing. By the 3rd delay I was getting anxious because I did not know if public transportation would still be running. Finally arriving late at night, I missed the train as it pulled out of the station and had to wait 15 minutes for the next one. Finally exiting at my stop it started raining as I walked 20 minutes to my car, parked at my office. I could certainly relate to the main character of this family comedy regarding having a bad day. ALEXANDER, played by Ed Oxenbould (Puberty Blues-TV), was used to having a bad day. However, when his family members all began to experience one of his typical bad days Alexander was not sure they would be able to handle it. Based on Judith Viorst’s book series, this comedic drama stayed at a steady pace thanks to the director. With Steve Carell (The Way Way Back, The Office-TV) and Jennifer Garner (Dallas Buyers Club, Valentine’s Day) as Alexander’s parents Ben and Kelly Cooper, the cast was well suited to handle both the comedic and dramatic sides of the story. The trailer was a good representation of the film; the unlucky events were consistent. There was nothing major in a negative way in this movie; I just found it a bit too fluffy for my tastes and a bit predictable. As for the rest of my day afterwards, this movie did not contribute either way in making it a good or bad day.
2 1/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Dracula Untold
Sometimes I wish I could have seen the earlier years of a person I have known or recently met. An individual, no matter how hard they have tried, will still act out a particular way based on past interactions from their life. I am sure all of us have had times where we silently wondered why a person was acting a certain way. It could be something as benign as not liking candles or as wicked as mercilessly teasing a cat or dog. I knew someone who rarely gave an opinion about anything. Being asked where they wanted to eat or what movie to see, they could not voice their thoughts, only say whatever or it did not matter. It wasn’t until I happened to meet their parent that I finally saw the reason why they were acting that way. The parent was overbearing and quick to belittle their child. My curiosity goes beyond people in the present; I would enjoy finding out what transpired with historical people, like Napoleon or Catherine the Great, that influenced or molded them that has not been told in our history books. Purely for entertainment value, I find taking liberties with a known character or actual person an acceptable form; look at the success of Wicked, the story about how the Wicked Witch of the West came to be. VLAD III dubbed Vlad the Impaler, played by Luke Evans (Immortals, Fast & Furious III), was an ideal candidate to use to create an action fantasy backstory. Protective of his family and subjects, not wanting to see the children of his kingdom experience what he had as a child, Vlad would have to look beyond his kingdom if he was going to repel the Sultan Mehmed, played by Dominic Cooper (The Devil’s Double, Need for Speed). His search would lead to a force that could even overpower him. The idea for this dramatic story was appealing to me and I found the opening scenes compelling. Joining Luke and Dominic was Charles Dance (Game of Thrones-TV, Gosford Park) as Master Vampire; all three had a strong screen presence. The special effects were not the greatest but were darkly fun to watch. With a good start it was all the more disappointing that the script got sillier and sillier as the film progressed. Seriously, I was stunned that the writers thought the idea of a blindfolded army going into battle was a good idea. Add in the trendy haircut for Dominic’s character Mehmed and this was a movie sorely lacking the guts for a great backstory. There were multiple scenes that had blood and violence.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Men, Women & Children
Deep within the Amazon Jungle I saw a pair of dark, wide eyes peering out at me through dense, overflowing foliage. A separate time I was able to revisit Florence Italy where I had climbed up to the top of Il Duomo di Firenza, the main church of the city. Friends have told me about their ability to see the birth of a child from across the country. They have also told me some of their horror stories involving deceitful people. In the news recently I heard how retail chains were hacked and their customers’ charge card information was stolen.I did not have to listen because I already knew about it when my credit card information was stolen. Until the credit card company called me to verify a purchase that was being done in a different state from where I lived, I had no idea someone had grabbed my information. All of the things I have mentioned so far were made possible by the internet. Ah yes, the internet; where it can take you to far remote spots of the world to witness the discovery of a rare plant, while its evil side robs you of your identity while you sleep. For me, using the internet is akin to relating to someone with a split personality disorder; it can be so rewarding, yet extremely challenging. PEOPLE have to constantly adjust the way they relate to each other due to the power of the internet. Writer/director Jason Reitman (Juno, Labor Day) assembled a large cast of actors for this drama based on the novel, about the twists and turns people must navigate in their daily lives due to the accessibility of the internet. A few of the actors in this film were Adam Sandler (Blended, That’s My Boy) and Rosemarie DeWitt (The Watch, Rachel Getting Married) who played Don and Helen Truby, a married couple looking for something more than they had in their marriage. Jennifer Garner (Draft Day, Dallas Buyers Club) played overprotective mother Patricia Beltmeyer to her daughter Brandy, played by Kaitlyn Dever (Short Term 12, The Spectacular Now). Out of all the actors in this movie the only two that stood out for me were Kaitlyn and Ansel Elgort (Divergent, The Fault in Our Stars) as Tim Mooney. Their story line and acting were the most interesting to me. I found the rest of the cast somewhat dull but considering the script went nowhere it was understandable. For most of this film I sat in my seat being bored. With the absence to a beginning, a middle and defined conclusions to the different story lines I felt I was only seeing bits and pieces of people’s lives; similar to mindlessly surfing the internet for hours.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Jimi: All is by My Side
I have been fortunate to have met several noteworthy individuals in my life, mostly on a statewide level. There were however a few famous celebrities I have seen, just never had the chance to actually talk to them. In regards to myself, I have no aspirations of being famous. My only hope is to get through this life without hurting anyone’s feelings. This does not mean I do not want to be part of a historical event, however. One of my dreams is to be sitting in the audience at the Oscar Awards telecast. If I were to break my desire down to a more basic level, one of the reasons I love traveling to different places is so if they wind up in the news I can say I was there; I was at the place they were talking about. For whatever reason, I get great pleasure in being able to say this. Imagine being at an event, whether it is cultural, sporting or on an international scale and something extraordinary takes place that will be talked about, to be remembered by future generations. I do not know about you but I would love to be part of that convergence of remarkable, famous, historical, life changing and any other adjective one could think of events. BURSTING into our conscience at the 1987 Monterey Pop Festival Jimi Hendrix, played by Andre Benjamin (Idlewood, Battle in Seattle), was something new and different in the musical world. With his dominance over his guitar playing and his cool funky look, maybe some but not all fans at the festival realized they were going to be witnessing history. Having only seen film clips of Jimi’s performances, I was looking forward to seeing this musical biography. Andre was so cool and gifted in this role. I do not know if it was a spot on performance of Jimi per se; but it sure came across the movie screen as believable. The whole retro look of this drama played well with some of the actors such as Imogen Poots (That Awkward Moment, Need for Speed) as Linda Keith and Hayley Atwell (The Duchess, Captain America franchise) as Kathy Etchingham; besides being fun to watch on a visual level. Where this film failed was the screenplay. The entire movie felt like it was trying to cram in as much as they could in the chosen time frame and all it wound up doing was providing snippets of Jimi’s life with little substance. I never felt connected to the characters which led me to periodically being bored. It would not matter if you are a fan of his type of music or not, the movie intended to show the beginnings of a musical genius. Unfortunately it never reached iconic proportions of its musical star.
2 1/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Annabelle
Those initial first experiences are what gets played in most people’s heads when they encounter them again later in life. I refer to this as recordings in my head. Gratefully as I have aged I now have the ability to fast forward some of them when they crop up just as I am encountering some new situation that resembles a past experience. An example would be individuals who had a bad experience the first time they went to a dentist. Chances are their future visits were accompanied with a bit of dread. There used to be an amusement park in the city that had a creepy looking fun house. The first time I went there my cousins convinced me to go with them into the fun house. I was not scared initially by the exterior with its dark shadowed walls and large doorway that looked like a clown’s gaping mouth with yellowed teeth. As we entered, however, we were immediately thrust into darkness; there were only a few dim lights that barely cast a weak glow. For some reason I became separated from the rest of the group and wound up getting stuck in a maze of mirrored passageways. Each turn I took I would encounter some action that scared me further. I finally was retrieved after I began screaming and crying. From that experience it took a long time before I could enter a fun house without having a preconceived sense of fear. BUILT-IN fan base with some expectations would be a reason to do a prequel to a successful film which is why I believe director John R Leonetti (The Conjuring, Insidious) was on board for this horror movie. Soon to be parents Mia and John Gordon, played by Annabelle Wallis (Body of Lies, The Tudors-TV) and Ward Horton (The Wolf of Wall Street, The Mighty Macs), began experiencing frightening events after John bought Mia a gift of an antique doll for her collection. I had high hopes for this prequel since I had enjoyed John R. Leonetti’s previous picture The Conjuring. Unfortunately the poorly written script deflated much of the fear out of this film. It seemed as if the writers were randomly plopping down quick scenes to scare the viewer without much suspense. The acting did not do anything for me including the performance out of Alfre Woodward (12 Years a Slave, The Family That Preys) as bookshop owner Evelyn. With this film I felt the movie studio saw the success of The Conjuring and hurriedly decided they could earn more money by turning it into a franchise. Frankly the only thing I found scary was the possibility they would make another movie of this caliber. There were a few scenes that had blood and violence.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Left Behind
Once again I was peering into the kitchen sink with its stopped up drain. The still, murky dishwater had a few mounds of suds that aimlessly drifted across the surface like melting icebergs. I had already poured some liquid drain opener into the sink but there were no signs of any movement. Looking in the basement over by my tools I came across an unopened box that contained a device that claimed to clear drains. I had seen an advertisement for it but had not used it yet. Returning with it to the kitchen I broke open the sealed box flap and poured the contents onto the kitchen counter. At first glance the items looked like a pile of tired snakes, gray with red tips. I followed the instructions on how to assemble the pieces. When I was done I was not sure which end was to go into the sink first. Inserting one end into the drain I pushed down on the air pump but nothing happened. Flipping to the other side I tried again but not even an air bubble came up to the water’s surface. Repeating the process again with the other end, the air pump still did not deliver its claim to clear the drain with forced air; the device was a useless piece of garbage. SIMILARLY, this faith based film reminded me of my clogged kitchen drain: dead in the water filled with rubbish. Nicholas Cage (Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas) played commercial pilot Rayford Steele, who was piloting a flight overseas to London when a portion of the passengers suddenly disappeared into thin air. Unable to contact anyone at flight control, it was not until he heard from his daughter Chloe, played by Cassi Thomson (Grave Halloween-TV, Big Love-TV), that he discovered people were mysteriously vanishing all over the world. Flying blind, Rayford was not sure if he would be able to safely land. I do not know where to start regarding all the things that were wrong with this action thriller. Besides being utterly offensive in the way they used stereotypes such as the “smart” asian man and the “suspicious” middle easterner, the script was cheesy and pathetic. The acting if you want to call it that was sad from everyone including Lea Thompson (Back to the Future franchise, J. Edgar) as Irene Steele and Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill-TV, House of Wax) as Buck Williams. Seeing the character Chloe going from riding a motorcycle to a piece of heavy equipment was laughable. It was brutal sitting through this film as it pounded its faith based agenda into the viewers’ heads. No way would I even consider this a movie; it was bigoted propaganda. This garbage needed to be flushed down the drain since nothing was going on except a paycheck.
1 star
Flash Movie Review: Gone Girl
It began with a glance across the room as locked eyes pushed the other guests to the side. An easy bantering that produced chuckles and laughter that cropped up like hot, bursting popcorn soon led to a steaming up of the room. The two of you held a second conversation with your eyes; each of you feeling you found that special person who would stand shoulder to shoulder with you. Effortless and effervescent, each time the two of you were together you both shed the remaining layers of your defensive protection, revealing souls quite similar to each other. Agreeing and wanting to spend the rest of your lives together, both of you settled into joyful and playful lovingness. The first couple of years flew by as the two of you easily rode the waves of daily life, your love always ready to throw you a life preserver to keep you afloat. As the next couple of years rolled on by, a veneer of automatic expectations dulled the shine of your love. It was not an intentional action, just the strength of familiar routines dulling your heart’s love. Sadly, during these times one may not recognize what they have until it is gone. COMING home to discover his wife Amy, played by Rosamund Pike (Surrogates, The Devil You Know), missing with only a piece of broken furniture left behind; Nick Dunne’s, played by Ben Affleck (Runner Runner, The Town), only thought was finding her. However, once the authorities were involved some of the evidence they turned up placed Nick in a suspicious light, no thanks to the growing media frenzy that was surrounding him. Director David Fincher (The Social Network, Fight Club) created a suspenseful thriller that was filled with intense, dramatic scenes. I especially found the camera work ideal in keeping the intensity level of this movie high. In my opinion this was Rosamund’s best role to date; she was unbelievable which says something since Ben and Neil Patrick Harris (A MIllion Ways to Die in the West, The Smurfs franchise) as Desi Collings were excellent. Since I had not read Gillian Flynn’s novel that this film was based on, I was surprised by the different changes in direction. If one read the book first, I believe the movie may have less of an impact. Having a running time of nearly 2 1/2 hours and its slow start, I felt the movie could have been cut down a bit. With that being said, I did not forget the film after I left the theater; it still gave me much to remember. There were a couple of scenes that had blood and violence in them.
3 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Tracks
Imagine if every cellular, radio and other invisible electronic pulses each had a distinctive color we could see; we would all be walking through a brightly hued fog in our daily lives. It seems as if the separation between man and machine has narrowed over time. What with the passwords, computer screens, key strokes, computer glasses, ear buds, tablets, smart phones and computer watches; no wonder we need to unplug once in a while. One of the ways I unplug is to visit a national park. I do not know if it is true but I had heard the United States is the only country that has a national park system, where the lands are protected to avoid any harm at the hands of mankind. There is nothing like walking along a tree covered trail where suddenly the trees momentarily part to reveal a tall, tumbling waterfall with a veil of trailing mist; it is a breathtaking yet peaceful sight to me. Seated at the rim of a deep canyon, where violent weather had mauled its walls while the setting sun casts its bright eye on slow moving dark shadows, provides me endless battery free entertainment. What I tell the members in my yoga class applies to me as well when I am visiting various parks, let the mind soften and release all the should do’s, have to do’s and supposed to do’s; so I can be in the moment and let my whole body relax. ALONE except for 4 camels and her dog, Robyn Davidson, played by Mia Wasikowska (Albert Nobbs, Only Lovers Left Alive), decided she needed to walk. Her walk if successful would cover nearly 2000 miles of western Australian arid and deserted lands, taking her all the way to the Indian Ocean. This film festival nominated movie was based on the true story of Robyn’s sojourn that was turned into a bestselling book. The scenes of Australia with their wide expanses were beautiful; it really made me yearn to see the country. Mia was excellent playing Robyn, showing equal sides of vulnerability, strength and courage. Adam Driver (This is Where I Leave You, Girls-TV) as National Geographic photographer Rick Smolan started out as a minor interest for me; however, as the film progressed his acting brought out a truthful and real side to his character. Be prepared for this film took its time to stroll out the story and especially for animal lovers, there were a couple of scenes that were hard to watch. My methods of unplugging may pale by comparison to Robyn’s, but after watching this picture with its incredible story, I felt as if I had been unplugged in a whole new way.
3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Song
As I sat in the large banquet room, my confusion quickly melted away from the hot anger welling up inside of me. You see a couple of friends asked me to join them for an evening of dinner and entertainment. They said it was being funded by one of their business groups; free food and I would be there. After we walked in and were given name tags, I followed them into a room that was filled with rows of chairs, no tables. I thought maybe we were having entertainment first then moving to another room where we would be served dinner. It had better be a served meal because I avoid all buffets and salad bars. A speaker walked up to the podium where he introduced himself and thanked all of us for being there. He started talking about the past year’s accomplishments before venturing into the exciting products that would be coming out later in the year. From that point on I became suspicious that something was not right about the whole scene. With the surrounding audience eager to applaud at the speaker’s every word; his speech smoothly evolved into a sales pitch on how everyone in the audience could make more money by recruiting new associates. It was only a matter of seconds before I realized this whole event was a sales meeting for what people call a pyramid or ponzi scheme. For every new person you bring into the group you get a commission on their sales. To say I was livid would be an understatement as I glared towards my friends who were just realizing I was the wrong person to bring to this kind of event. DECEPTION would only lead one down a wrong path in life. Trying to come out from under his famous father’s shadow; singer/songwriter Jed King, played by Alan Powell (Charlie & Boots, Produce: Where Hope Grows), worked hard to show people he was not like his father. However, the more famous he became the more challenging it was to maintain his values. This movie was the last straw for me; I no longer can give money for this faith based films. If I wanted to be preached to I would have gone to a house of worship. This dramatic romance hammered its message at the viewers without any thought to making a decent film. Utterly predictable and ridiculous, I do not need to be told I have to have faith. Maybe it is me but I find faith and religion to be a private matter for each individual. With no original thought, no decent acting, only a couple of good songs; I felt just as deceived by this preachy propaganda pretending to be a movie as I had about that sales meeting. There was an extra scene at the end of the credits.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: My Old Lady
It is funny how one person may think a tidbit of information is important to know, while another feels it is insignificant. As the years pass the bond between friends and family solidifies, where shared experiences provide more knowledge about each other. There may even be a point in time where you could anticipate what the other person would do in a situation. Having this type of awareness can help prevent some types of conflict or disagreements. After being part of each other’s life for some years imagine what kind of surprise it would be to discover something you never knew about your friend or family member. I had a relative who remarried later in life. The entire family had heard his new bride was a singer in Europe, but the way we were told made it sound like she sang at weddings and open mic nights at several local establishments. Since I never heard her sing, I did not give much thought to her past life of being an entertainer. Recently I had a member who came up to me after class to ask about a yoga pose. We started talking and she mentioned she had just returned from a European trip. When she brought up she visited the country of her birth, which happened to be the same place where my relative’s wife grew up, I was curious to see if she had ever heard of her. I was stunned when she not only knew about my relative’s wife, but had been to several of her concerts. She continued heaping praise on her to the point I was upset I never got the chance to hear more about my relative’s life story. SURPRISE was in store for Mathais Gold, played by Kevin Kline (A Fish Called Wanda, The Last of Robin Hood), when he inherited an apartment in Paris. Upon arriving to inspect the apartment Mathais was shocked to find Mathilde Girard, played by Maggie Smith (Harry Potter franchise, Quartet), living in the place. It would be the first of many surprises. I wished I had enjoyed this comedic drama more because I thought Maggie and Kevin did a wonderful job of acting, along with Kristin Scott Thomas (Gosford Park, The English Patient) as Chloe. They did everything to try and make their characters come to life. However, the script was poorly done; there were gaps where the story dragged and felt uneven. On the plus side I found the idea behind the story interesting and enjoyed watching Maggie’s performance. It came as a surprise to me when I realized at the end of the movie I could only give an average star rating to this dramatic comedy with its exceptional cast.
2 1/4 stars
