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Flash Movie Review: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom
THERE WERE SO MANY ADVERTISMENTS AND hype about the exhibit that was coming to our city, that I fell into its marketing push. I was interested in seeing the recently discovered artifacts, since they were part of our folklore for over a century. The television commercials showed glistening gold random objects, such as a plate charger, faucet handle and tie pin. I was fascinated with the print ads because they showed the event in numerous ways. Some had schematic drawings along with the print; others had old photographs and others had meticulously made sketches. The other thing that got me was the tagline, “Not seen for over 100 years.” I could easily get swept up into the idea that I would be part of a group that were the first people to see such items that were lost for so many years. I rounded up a couple of friends to join me in this pursuit, who I thought would appreciate the significance of being a part of this traveling exhibition. The ticketing process was not too painful, and I was able to purchase four tickets for a reasonable time slot. My friends and I agreed to meet in the lobby of the museum, where I would hand out the tickets, then we could go through the security line to see the exhibit. ON THE DAY WE WERE TO meet, I arrived early at the museum. I was surprised to see such a lengthy line for same day ticket purchases and wondered how big the exhibition was to accommodate so many people. At our designated time all the friends were accounted for, and we went through security, gratefully without any hassle. The exhibit was on the second floor, spread out through three galleries. Hanging on the barrier walls to help with the flow of traffic, there were reproductions of the old posters that would have been used to advertise the company back a century ago. As we walked through, there were freestanding glass cases placed throughout that had the artifacts. I walked up to the first display and enclosed I saw a rusty pen, a broken dinner plate, and a tarnished fork. None of these items were shown in any of the advertisements. On to the second case and there I saw a tarnished flask, a piece of glass with an emblem etched on it, and what I assumed was an envelope opener. Again, nothing special or spectacular. The four of us made our way to a dark room where there would be a visual presentation; it was a film clip from a famous movie showing the disaster where these items were lost. Throughout the exhibit, there were a couple of highlights that made the trip worthwhile; but overall, the entire experience was a bust; which is how I felt about this action, adventure fantasy. WHEN A VENGEFUL BEING BEGINS A campaign of destroying everything Arther, played by Jason Momoa (Dune, Slumberland) holds dear, there is no choice for Arthur but to reach out to the last person he wanted to contact for help. With Patrick Wilson (The Nun franchise, The Phantom of the Opera) as Ora, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (Ambulance, The Trial of the Chicago 7) as Black Manta, Amber Heard (The Rum Diary, 3 Days to Kill) as Mera and Nicole Kidman (Being the Ricardos, The Goldfinch) as Atlanna; this sequel left much to be desired. On the plus side, Jason and Patrick did their best with what was handed to them. The script was basic, following a set pattern for a superhero movie. There was little drama or character development as the story unfolded. The special effects were decent, and the battle scenes were imaginative and hectic. However, I was bored through most of the film; even, the humor was basic and only worthy of one or two chuckles. Based on this picture, I felt this film franchise should consider hanging it up because it had the trappings of being all washed up.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Five Nights at Freddy’s
ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES OF amusement parks was me vomiting into a trash container. I remember the park because the ride I got sick on was one of those haunted, fun house attractions. There was a huge head that looked like an evil genie perched above the entryway, with its eyes moving from side to side as if scanning the park for its next victims. It was a family outing with a group of relatives and for the younger ones, which included me, this was our first time attending the amusement park. When I walked into the fun house, it was nearly pitch-black inside. There were objects that glowed and appeared to be floating in the air. At certain turns a mechanical figure would spring out to scare onlookers who were walking by. Being so young, I did jump and get scared multiple times; but, with my relatives nearby I never got to the point of being crying scared. I remember we came to a juncture where we had to go through a door that had cobwebs on it. Once we were through, we heard the door lock. We continued walking until we found ourselves in a dark space where the walls were formed into a full circle. As we gently walked into it, the continuous wall started to turn. In other words, it was like walking into a barrel that started rolling down a hill, but this rolling device stayed in one place. I could not keep my balance, constantly falling. As the pictures on the walls rolled by, I started to feel nauseous. Miraculously the spinning stopped, and a hidden door opened into the sunlight. I staggered out and made it to the trash container in time before my stomach decided to evacuate all its contents. ONE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD have been my last time at an amusement park; but because of my earlier enjoyment of rides and carnival foods, I ventured to other amusement parks and learned what attractions were more agreeable with me and my body. I was a sucker for the games of chance, convinced I could win a stuffed animal easily. There was the shooting gallery where water guns were used to hit a target that would inflate a balloon. The first balloon to pop would be the winner. I never won that game. I also failed at the ring toss on top of a glass bottle and the pseudo basketball hoop game. I believe it was after a couple of years that I finally won one of those games; throwing a ball to knock off from their shelves, three hairy troll dolls. Out of the prizes offered, I chose a small, stuffed purple monkey. I felt so proud of myself. It was a good thing I did not have the knowledge then to add up how much it cost my family to pay for all the tries I took to finally win that small stuffed animal. There were so many different amusement parks I used to attend and gratefully not one of them was like the one in this mystery, horror thriller. DESPERATE TO EARN MONEY TO KEEP his daughter, a down on his luck father takes a nighttime security guard job at an abandoned amusement park. What he would experience would be worse than any of the rides. With Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games franchise, The Long Home) as Mike, Piper Rubio (Holly & Ivy, For All Mankind-TV) as Abby, Elizabeth Lail (Countdown, Ordinary Joe-TV) as Vanessa, Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo franchise, The Descendants) as Steve Raglan and Mary Stuart Masterson (Fried Green Tomatoes, Blindspot-TV) as Aunt Jane; this movie based on a video game was lost on me. Maybe if one was familiar with the game, the movie would make better sense; I found it simply odd and dull. I enjoyed Josh’s and Mary’s performances, but the script was a jumble of things that were never fully explained. As the movie was nearing its end, I thought the story was weird and made little sense. It might be best to take your money and use it to spend a day at an amusement park. There was an extra scene during the ending credits.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Hidden Strike
A COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE INGREDIENTS for a dessert are chocolate and butter. Rarely have I come across a dessert with these two items included that was not delicious. The chocolate can be in the form of cocoa powder, chips, syrup, pudding or even crushed chocolate sandwich cookies. Those who know me know the dessert is the most important part of dinner. I do not want to say the entrée is just a formality to get to the dessert, but it comes close. Since I was a small boy, I always enjoyed having something sweet to eat after dinner. Chocolate has always been my “go to” food after a meal, but that does not mean I do not like other flavors. Being a texture and visual eater, I love the combination of flavors and texture. For example, I prefer brownies with nuts in them because I like having a bit of crunch when I am chewing. The same goes with chocolate chips. A good chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips is heavenly. There just are certain pairings that make perfect sense, whether they are familiar or something brand new; it just tastes damn good is all I can say. THE IDEA OF PAIRING IS NOT solely something for desserts. The first thing that comes to mind are the Bob Hope and Bing Crosby road movies, like Road to Bali and Road to Rio. With one being the comedian and the other the straight man, they made a great pair. Another pairing that worked was Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis; they did several movies together besides doing stand-up comedy. One of my earliest memories was seeing an old black and white film with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant called Bringing Up Baby. There was something about that film that grabbed my attention. Maybe it was the interaction between the two movie stars or the antics that took place; but the memory of it has stayed with my all these years. When you get two celebrities together and it is obvious there is a connection between them that works, it usually has been encouraged by their management teams and/or film studios. One can see it is a winning formula all the way around because studios still try to pair up different actors for a movie project. Just look at the film franchise, The Expendables. Getting a group of Type A personality types in one room can always provide hours of entertainment. This is one of the reasons why I was intrigued to see this action, adventure comedy because of its pairing of two action stars from different genres. WHEN A GROUP OF EMPLOYEES HE was escorting safely out of the country gets ambushed, a special forces soldier finds himself in the unusual position of working with someone who had similar training to himself but uses it for a different purpose. Can the two ever find a way to work together to get the kidnapped crew back? With John Cena (Vacation Friends, 12 Rounds) as Chris Van Horne, Jackie Chan (Rush Hour franchise, Iron Mask) as Luo Fang, Pilou Asbaek (Game of Thrones-TV, A Hijacking) as Owen Paddock, Rachel Holoway (Momentum, Ransom’s Law-TV) as Raider and Amadeus Serafini (Smiley Face Killers, Scream: The TV Series) as Henry Van Horne; my other curiosity was seeing if Jackie Chan’s character would be up to Jackie’s past fighting mode. The answer is yes, but it doesn’t look like Jackie did much if any of his physical demanding stunts. This was only one of many disappointments, I am afraid to say. I found the story to be a generic blueprint for these types of films where the hero must try to get someone/something out of a hostile territory while the villain tries to stop them. With a predictable script and poor special effects, this is a throwaway film. In other words, if you have nothing else to do then go ahead and watch it before you toss it away physically and/or mentally. Sadly, this was a forgettable pairing. There were outtakes during the ending credits.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: 65
THERE WERE NO MORE THAN A dozen small cages, but they were my fantasyland. In our neighborhood was a park that had a children’s zoo in the middle of it. I knew all the animals before I was even enrolled in kindergarten. Among the animals there was one bear, one llama, one peacock and one monkey. Since this was my first exposure to a zoo, I was enthralled with the variety of animals. I could spend hours sitting and watching them, though there was not much they could do. The bear would pace from side to side in its cage and the monkey could only climb on the front bars of its cage or the tire that was suspended from the ceiling of its enclosure. At that early age, it never occurred to me how awful their lives must have been. There was only one animal per cage; they had nothing to stimulate them. No playmates, toys, or suitable landscapes to help them pass the time. One of the things I remember distinctly was throwing shelled peanuts into the bear’s cage. At some point the bear must have realized I was the one who was throwing the peanuts because they walked to the side of the cage where I was standing and stood up with its front paws on the bars. I would try to toss the peanuts directly into its mouth. It was one of the biggest highlights of all the times I spent at the park and zoo. IT WAS NOT UNTIL I WAS older that I realized how horrific the conditions were for those animals at that neighborhood zoo. By the time I graduated elementary school, I had seen enough zoos to know which excelled in their treatment of their animals. I know there is some controversy about even having zoos, but I will not go into it here. In the city where I lived, there were two zoos; one was in the heart of the city and the other was situated in a western suburb. These zoos were the first that I experienced that did away with metal bars. Instead, the animals lived in habitats that were recognizable to the animals. They had landscaped outside areas with entryways that led to indoor glass enclosed pens. The animals looked healthier and, in a way, appeared more alive if that makes sense. For the animals that were born to climb, there were artificial or real trees with vines hanging down. Some holding areas had water coursing through like a small stream or river. Recently on a trip, I went to a well known zoo that looked like I was on the live set of The Lion King; it was amazing. With the animals in this science fiction, adventure drama; I felt like I was at something closer to that little zoo from my neighborhood. ON AN ASSIGNMENT TO TRANSPORT PEOPLE to a different planet, a pilot crash lands on Earth. However, it was Earth during prehistoric times. He would have to navigate his way through the terrors of the land to find a way off the planet. With Adam Driver (Star Wars franchise, Marriage Story) as Mills, Ariana Greenblatt (Love and Monsters, The One and Only Ivan) as Koa, Chloe Coleman (My Spy, Marry Me) as Nevine and Nika King (Euphoria-TV, Greenleaf-TV) as Nevine’s Mom; this movie was a misfire. Though I appreciated the cast’s efforts, the story was predictable and pretty much a rehash of similar films that have been shown before. The drama and thrills were lower intensity instead of higher. There were times I felt I was watching a poor version of one of the Jurassic Park films; I was bored several times. It was too bad because I was initially intrigued by the story’s premise. The only reason I can think of watching this film is if you have any children fascinated with dinosaurs or if you cannot find anything else to watch.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Fool’s Paradise
IF YOU HAVE NEVER SAT WITH someone who was constantly posting things on their social media sites, then consider yourself quite lucky. I myself have been lucky, but I did have someone sitting at the next table to me at a restaurant who was posting stuff. Besides being inconsiderate with all her narrations, she was taking photos of every dish that came to the table. I sat there trying to ignore it all, but it was like trying to ignore fireworks going off in your backyard. All her movements were overexaggerated as was her dialog. The baked potato was not just delicious with butter and sour cream, it was according to her a perfect blend of buttery dollops floating in a sea of smooth cream, with a touch of shaved cheddar cheese sprinkled on top like a brief spring shower. I could not imagine who would be following her on social media; what made her such an expert, I wondered. Not that I judge people by their appearances, but she barely looked of legal age and talked in a phony solicitous way. I did chuckle at the way she kept flicking her long hair back, to keep her face in the best lighting possible. What was the purpose of her doing these posts; did she expect everyone watching to go to the restaurant? Or did she hope to find a way to monetize her sites based on the number of people following her? I do not get it. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A PRODUCT I purchased based on a celebrity endorsement. These days there are some bloggers that have become celebrities; no matter, I would not act on the advice of a blogger, actor, musician or anyone who was not an expert on the subject. Many celebrities have been spokespeople for products or services; though, it seems to me it has increased in number after the golden age of Hollywood. Nowadays, it only takes a person to do one thing that gets noticed and the press quickly blows it out of proportion. It reminds me of that documentary I reviewed where a homeless man saved a woman from an attack, after a traffic incident. He became this hot topic, being wooed by talk show hosts and news outlets. It turned out he might have staged the event and was later accused of murder. Go figure. I cannot describe it fully, but there seems to be this voracious appetite in the news/entertainment worlds to continually elevate people to these absurdly high levels of public recognition, no matter who or what they may have done or not done. This comedic satire can show you an example of what I have been talking about. HAVING BEEN RELEASED FROM A MENTAL health facility, a homeless man soon becomes the latest rage in Hollywood’s media mill. With Charlie Day (Fist Fight, I Want You Back) as Latte Pronto, Ken Jeong (Crazy Rich Asians, The Hangover franchise) as Lenny the Publicist, Kate Beckinsale (Underworld franchise, Love & Friendship) as Christiana Dior, Adrien Brody (Blonde, The French Dispatch) as Chad Luxt and Jason Sudeikis (Colossal, Ted Lasso-TV) as Lex Tanner; Charlie wrote and directed this film. I thought he did an admirable job with his character, which had no dialog; it was completely a physical role. He along with the celebrity cameo roles were the high points of this movie. The script lacked humor, depth and emotion. It kept reminding me of an old Peter Sellars film titled Being There. I knew something had to be up because I was the only one sitting in the theater. There really was nothing unique here except, as I said, for cameo appearances from such celebrities as Ray Liotta and Jason Bateman. With nothing funny or unique being offered, I was left bored through most of this film.
1 ½ star
Flash Movie Review: The People We Hate at the Wedding
I HAVE ATTENDED ENOUGH WEDDINGS TO know what I do not want at mine. There was the wedding where the bride had a partial meltdown because the main dish was horrible; I mean it was barely edible and at least at my table, all the meals were lukewarm or cold. One wedding that is still vivid in my mind is the one where the bride and her mother-in-law got into a huge fight during the reception and the bride ran off to the bathroom, where she cried for several minutes. When she finally came out, she refused to acknowledge her mother-in-law’s presence for the rest of the evening. Talk about an awkward situation, it was surreal. The poor groom was so torn between his mother and the love of his life, he felt totally hopeless and wound up sitting at the foot of the head table, with his face in his hands. The entire evening felt like a theater produced farce because all the guests were so taken aback by the drama. Oh, I almost forgot about my friend, who was getting married, telling me how angry he was at his “crazy” relatives because they were calling his mother to tell her who they did not want to sit with at the reception. I was surprised the mother told him and did not put the relatives in their place. I guess weddings can bring the worst out of some people. A WEDDING IS A TIME TO put aside any issues one has with another wedding guest; whether it is a family member or friend, the nuptials should be a drama free zone. I was at a wedding where I was stuck at a table with an obnoxious drunk, who I had a previous run-in with at the groom’s house. I found him to be rude and inconsiderate. Despite my previous altercation with him, I remained neutral and polite during the wedding reception. I could see his negativity was negatively affecting the other guests at the table, but I chose not to share my opinion and past experiences of him. This was not the place to feed into his drama. Let the guests make up their own minds about him. Another point I want to make; if the food is not good, do not tell the wedding couple. in my opinion, it would be rude and immature. No matter how much planning goes into a wedding event, things happen and the happy couple should not be burdened with any of the guests’ issues. Apparently, the family members in this comedy think differently. DESPITE THE PROBLEMS BEING EXPERIENCED AT home, a family comes together for a half-sister’s wedding in England. It would have been easier if they had left some of their emotional baggage behind. With Allison Janney (Hairspray, Bad Education) as Donna, Ben Platt (Pitch Perfect franchise, Dear Evan Hansen) as Paul, Kristen Bell (Bad Moms franchise, The Boss) as Alice, Cynthia Addai-Robinson (The Accountant, Colombiana) as Eloise and Isaach De Bankole (Black Panther franchise, Shaft) as Henrique; this film needed to focus on rewriting the script instead of filling it with cliched jokes and humor. I did not find much to laugh or chuckle about. The cast was certainly capable, but the dialog was so basic, besides bordering on the ridiculous, that I felt myself cringing when the actors were acting out in some of the scenes. I honestly am not sure what the writers were trying to do with this piece. There was one story line that had a ring of truth to it, but it was being buried by the craziness of the other lines. I felt the worst for Allison and Kristen; they had to have known what they were getting into when they signed on to this picture. So, if you get an invitation to see this film, you might want to decline it.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Magic Mike’s Last Dance
DESPITE BEING FRIENDS FOR A LONG time, there was nothing I could say or do to stop my friend from what she was doing. She had been in a long term relationship for four or five years before it turned sour and ended. I helped her through her sorrow and tried to convince her to stop stalking him on his social media sites. Speaking from experience, I knew there was nothing good to gain from watching the person you had fallen in love with go on with their life without you. Unfortunately, she would not give up on following him. I just knew this did not bode well for the healing process; I knew her so well. As I expected, she started focusing on her appearance. First, she worked towards getting rock solid by exercising and dieting; we are talking hardcore dieting. Her sporadic bouts of exercise became a daily constant in her life, from jogging to fitness classes to weight training. I am all for people exercising but for the right reasons. The advice I would give her about not training the same muscles two days in a row was heard but not always acted upon. If she was going to keep up this pace, she would be a candidate for a pulled muscle or stress fracture sometime in the near future. ONCE SHE STARTED SEEING RESULTS FROM her efforts, she started to alter her fashion style, going for a “younger look,” whatever that means. I liked some of the new clothing, but there were other choices that made me cringe inside. Of course, I did not say it like that to her when she asked my opinion; I just told her I did not think it was very attractive on her. I thought that was a pretty diplomatic answer. The next part of her evolution was the one that really made me cringe to the point I told her it would not be a good idea; he was not worth all of her time and effort. She planned on going with friends to the places he would be hanging out, like bars and restaurants. If she could not pin down the exact locations off of his social media sites, she planned on taking chances at several of his favorites spots. I thought it was such an awful idea that caused my stomach to twist into knots. No one was worth going through all of the work and then the embarrassment of trying to flaunt one’s self in front of their former love. I felt I was going to witness a trainwreck just like the one I watched in this comedy drama. BEING A BARTENDER AT CHARITY EVENTS was not what Mike Lane, played by Channing Tatum (Dog, Logan Lucky), envisioned for himself; that is why he agreed to accept the hostess’ offer despite it sounding crazy. With Salma Hayek (Eternals, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard) as Maxandra Mendoza, Ayub Khan-Din (London Bridge-TV, Coronation Street-TV) as Victor, Vicki Pepperdine (Johnny English Strikes Again, My Cousin Rachel) as Edna Eaglebauer and Alan Cox (Young Sherlock Holmes, The Dictator) as Roger Rattigan; this film directed by Steven Soderbergh (Erin Brockovich, Ocean’s Eleven franchise) was a shock for me. I rarely ever say this, but it was cringe worthy. The script was looney and most of the time I sat in my seat feeling embarrassed for Salma. If I need to say something was worthwhile seeing then I would say the dance scenes. It did not seem as if age had any affect on Channing, he still had the moves. I also enjoyed the scene with his old buddies. Outside of those things, I thought this film was such a mess. There did not seem to be any connections between anyone and zero back story. Maybe Channing was under contract to participate in this production. I suggest one not pay the cover charge and go to a different establishment instead to dance.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Blade of the 47 Ronin
I COULD NOT BELIEVE AFTER ALL these years; the city changed the street I grew up on to one way. All those years watching two cars trying to navigate between themselves and the parked cars that lined the street, then out of the blue the city now decided the street was not wide enough to accommodate more than one car at a time driving on it. I could have told them that decades ago. The apartment building, we lived in, looked the same except the back porches were now enclosed with a translucent type of plastic or PVC material to protect, I was guessing, the wood from the elements. From the houses down the block, there was nothing different that stuck out; they all looked the same, except for a fresh coat of paint or different floral landscaping. As I drove around the old neighborhood, I saw the elevated railroad tracks for the commuter train had extra support beams. They should have been added when I was living there because the cement back then was breaking off in pieces and the metal beams were rusting. Anytime I had to drive underneath the train bridge, the image of falling cement pieces always flashed through my mind. IN MY OLD NEIGHBORHOOD THERE WERE two business districts; one was a couple of blocks away from where we lived and the other was near the lake. I decided to drive down them to see what they looked like these days. The closer of the two, where we mostly did our shopping, had changed drastically. The grocery store where I used to return soda pop bottles for the deposit money was no longer there. A flea market type of business moved into the building. There used to be four restaurants on the main street; today only one remains under a different name. I remember almost every establishment had an electric sign or at least lights that highlighted the signage of the business. Now, there were several businesses that I could not tell if they just opened because they had those vinyl banner signs hung up. Not that this is a negative, but none of the establishments sounded familiar to me. I did notice there seemed to be more litter strewn across the sidewalks and street. My memory was of a pretty (for commercial buildings) avenue with an ice cream parlor, independent drug store, clothing stores, among other retail businesses. What I was seeing was an unattractive strip of a bunch of hodgepodge stores, some with their signs hanging down off center and others with hand drawing on their windows. It really made me sad for the memory of a place that gave me joy as I was growing up. Oddly, though I have a vague memory of the original film, this sequel made me feel the same sad way. DESPITE THE PASSING CENTURIES, LIVING AMONGST us today are the ancient Ronin warriors. They are not the only ones hiding from us. With Anna Akana (A Million Little Things-TV, Amphibia-TV) as Luna, Mark Dacascos (One Night in Bangkok, John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum) as Shinshiro, Teresa Ting (She Has a Name, Don Peyote) as Onami, Mike Moh (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Empire-TV) as Reo and Dustin Nguyen (Zero Tolerance, Warrior-TV) as Nikko; this action, fantasy drama was confusing to me. I simply did not understand why the movie studio felt it needed to make a sequel. My memory is sketchy, but I remember the original movie had some beautiful cinematography and interesting fight scenes. At least there were decent fight scenes in this film; but the script was all over the place. I never felt connected to any of the characters, and I thought the special effects were dull. Nearly ten years after the first film, I just do not understand why the movie studio felt the need to do this film and then not do it well. Sometimes, it is better to leave the viewer with a memory of a decent film instead of trying to update it for profit. There were multiple scenes of blood and violence.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: The Munsters
THERE WERE TWO HOUSES IN OUR neighborhood that were totally different from any other, but both were equally creepy. One house was completely painted in a drab brown color: everything from the front stairs, porch, railings, shutters, door and window frames. At nighttime no one could tell if anyone was at home because the lights were never on; or the windows were so heavily curtained that the light could not penetrate. All the years I lived in the neighborhood, I never once saw anyone entering or leaving the house. There was no front lawn; it was all cemented over with one large oak tree that stuck out from the ground like it had killed it. Whenever I cut through the alley in back, I could never tell if there was a backyard or not because the was a huge dense hedge that surrounded the perimeter. As you can imagine, no one ever ventured past the wrought iron front gate at Halloween; the place was too scary all year round. Whenever my friends and I were playing outside, we made sure to never throw or hit a ball in the house’s direction, in case the ball was to bounce into its front yard. None of us had the courage to climb over the fence and get closer to that house. THE OTHER HOUSE THAT WAS SCARY to us was brightly painted in green and orange hues. It had trellis work all around the front porch with vines spreading across it. The stairs leading up to the front door were bowed, as if something big had climbed up and down them repeatedly. In the front yard there was an assortment of wildflowers, some that were taller than me. I never knew who lived inside because again, there was no sign of life or activity. The dense foliage that surrounded the house like a suit of armor made the place look menacing. It was the type of place that looked like Sleeping Beauty would have been served a poison apple there or Hansel and Gretel would have been held to be used in a cauldron of soup. There was an odd weathervane attached to the house’s chimney; it was hard to figure out if the figurine was a human or animal. I used to try and picture what would live in this and the other house. Now here is the interesting part; in all my imaginings, I never once thought humans were inhabiting the houses. They had to be some type of alien or monster, more akin to the family in this comedy fantasy. MOVING TO AN AMERICAN SUBURB WOULD be a big adjustment for this Transylvanian family. It would be an even bigger adjustment for the people who lived around them. With Sheri Moon Zombie (The Lords of Salem, The Devil’s Rejects) as Lily, Jeff Daniel Phillips (3 From Hell, The Gifted-TV) as Herman, Daniel Roebuck (The Fugitive, Getting Grace) as The Count, Richard Brake (The Rhythm Section, Bingo Hell) as Dr. Wolfgang and Jorge Garcia (Lost-TV, The Wedding Ringer) as Floop; this reboot of the television show has the distinction of being the worst film I have seen this year. I could appreciate the idea of bringing the Munster family to a whole new generation; but this film was too corny and boring. The special effects were dull, the script failed at humor and the story came across like a poorly done Saturday morning cartoon. The actors were not bad, considering they had a tough act to follow with the original actors; but I felt the writers were forcing the campiness so much that scenes just looked ridiculous. This could have been a better film if the story focused more on the early times just when Lily and Herman were about to meet each other. If I had my way, I would have preferred rewatching one of the Addams Family television episodes.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Me Time
WE WERE ALWAYS HANGING OUT TOGETHER. Back in the day we were able to eat lunch together despite not having the same classes. At parties if we were not sitting close to each other, we still were always within earshot. Our humor was similar, where we laughed at the same stupid things as someone tripping or having an embarrassing moment. Speaking for myself, I was immature and did not know better. For example, both of us kept our ears close to the gossip trail that went through our school. It sounds weird saying this, but we enjoyed hearing when there was a breakup in someone’s relationship. Our thinking was if we are not dating someone then no one else should either? I am doing a little psychoanalyzing as I am writing this review. It was not as if we thrived on bad news, but we certainly liked to be aware of the social stuff taking place at the school. Even when we were dating, we still found time to hang out and do stuff. I am sure what I am describing is not that unusual from anyone else. Since our school had definite cliques, the two of us could have been considered one. AS WE GREW OLDER, THINGS STARTED to change. The things we enjoyed doing back in school were holding less interest for me. We still spent time together with the same group of friends from time to time, but I was losing interest in the gossip and silly stuff we used to do back in school. I was not alone in this regard; I was thinking more about what direction I wanted my life to go towards, both in career and living space. As other interests filtered in, we did not see as much of each other. Looking back, I wished I had the skills then to express what I was feeling, but I did not. It was apparent we were having less and less in common, and I was drifting apart. There was still an affection for my friend, plus we had known each other for a long time. And I believe that was what kept us connected; it was our history together. We had both experienced so much together growing up that the emotions of that time kept a bond between us. However, as time was moving forward and the history was fading further back, I felt myself slipping away. There was no ill will and for those times we had seen each other later, there was a familiar comfortableness; but we also are not the same as we were when we were younger. Many of us, I believe, experience this same type of thing. It is part of growing up and you can see what it is like for some in this comedy. RECONNECTING WITH AN OLD FRIEND WAS supposed to be a good time for this stay-at-home dad. He was not prepared for it to turn into a wild weekend. With Kevin Hart (The Upside, Night School) as Sonny Fisher, Mark Wahlberg (Joe Bell, Instant Family) as Huck Dembo, Regina Hall (Girls Trip; Honk for Jesus, Save Your Soul) as Maya Fisher, Che Tafari (The Good Place-TV, Daredevil-TV) as Dashiell Fisher and newcomer Amentii Sledge as Ava Fisher; the story in this movie was a good idea. But I am here to tell you, what the writers did was a crime. Pretty much most of the film consisted of gags and low-level humor. There were jokes for almost every body part/action and because they were not particularly funny, became a distraction for me. Kevin’s character was no different than almost any of the other comedy roles he has done. There was nothing here that made the performance unique. I was disinterested for a majority of the time; there simply was nothing new or exciting here. What was the studio thinking when they made this picture?
1 ½ stars
moviejoltz 