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Flash Movie Review: Moms’ Night Out
I am discovering it is not easy to write a movie review about a group of mothers. Unless you have a mother like Carrie White or Joan Crawford, how can anyone say something negative about mothers? A recent survey shows 68% of all moms take care of the majority of household duties; 56% do most of the parenting; 30% work 2 or more jobs and 47% help their children every night with homework. C’mon, talk about being able to multitask; mothers are amazing. I do not want to cause any conflict within your family, but I recently read a retail association’s survey that showed the average price paid for a mother’s day gift this year was $163.00, down from last year’s $169.00. This is just my opinion but mothers are being underpaid; then again, we can have a whole conversation about females being paid less than men. Opening this past mother’s day weekend was this comedy about a group of mothers. Desperate for a night out without the kids Allyson, played by Sarah Drew (Grey’s Anatomy-TV, Everwood-TV), made dinner plans with her friends Sondra and Zoe, played by Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond-TV, The Middle-TV) and Logan White (Me Again, Revelation Road franchise). With their husbands taking care of the children the three women could have a quiet, peaceful meal without cutting up someone’s food or wiping a runny nose. Obviously nothing could possibly go wrong when you have the fathers taking care of the kids. The best thing going for this film was it being family friendly; there were no inappropriate scenes or use of strong language. Unfortunately it was the only positive thing I could say about this movie. If this was to be a gift for all the mothers out there, everyone involved in the making of this picture must have issues regarding their parents. The script was so awful; I found nothing original or funny. In fact, I think all the characters were bad stereotypes. Sean Astin (The Goonies, The Lord of the Rings franchise) as Allyson’s husband Sean was a generic version of every harried father character that has been done before. The acting was close to non-exsistent, though the script did not help one single bit. Patricia Heaton was listed as an executive producer and I am sorry, she should have known better. It was so painful watching this movie that I felt I had done something wrong and was being forced to sit through it to the very end as punishment.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: A Haunted House 2
The repetitive irritations in life can be considered the universe’s way of testing us to see if we have learned to let go. Scrubbing down from top to bottom your kitchen after spotting a trail of ants, only to discover the next day they returned, can be upsetting. Maybe you were inflicted with a rash, where you had to apply a topical ointment and take medicine. It finally cleared up in a couple of weeks. Three days later your skin started to itch, heralding the return of the rash and a new round of antibiotics. This past winter was not only hard for me but it was irritating. It seemed like every time I shoveled the snow around my house another storm would come by and I had to redo the sidewalks again. I remember at one point thinking if I could rent a flame thrower, it would be worth it to take care of the unrelenting snow. At least I knew the seasons would eventually change but imagine what poor Malcolm, played by Marlon Wayans (Scary movie franchise, White Chicks), had to go through when he discovered he was being haunted again. In this sequel Malcolm was starting out fresh; he had his new girlfriend Megan, played by Jamie Pressly (My Name is Earl-TV; I Love you, Man), a new house and new neighbor Miguel, played by Gabriel Iglesias (Magic Mike, Days of Santiago). Life was good until Malcolm noticed something was wrong. The basis of this comedy horror movie was to be a parody of several recent scary films. I will say Marlon threw himself into his character, screaming and yelling his way through the physical stunts. At one point it seemed as if Marlon created this picture just so he could see how many times he could be on screen without wearing clothes. Since the movie trailer had some of the better humor, there was very little in this film that produced a chuckle or snicker out of me. I just found the story was one long series of skits, each one getting more ridiculous than the previous one. As for commenting on the directing or camera work, there really was nothing I could offer since this film didn’t pretend to be anything else but what it was–a low level joke fest. Maybe I was wrong to assume Marlon had more to offer, because if he is going to make these movies a continuing franchise, they will become nothing more than a plantar wart that keeps coming back.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Other Woman
There are two kinds of lies, the good ones and the bad ones. Before you tell me there are no good lies, let me explain. A good lie is telling your friend you need them, just to get them out of their house long enough for their spouse to decorate it for a surprise birthday party. Or a friend asks you if they already told you about their business meeting and you tell them no because you know how proud they were of their recent success; so, it was worth hearing again to see how excited they got by telling their story. To me these are acceptable lies or what some people say are “white” lies. They are not meant to hurt or deceive someone for personal gain. Now the bad lies can be hurtful and drastically alter a person’s life. Your boyfriend or girlfriend telling you how much they love you while they sleep around with other people; I consider this a bad lie. Meeting a date for the 1st time who showed up 20 years older and 30 pounds heavier than they claimed would not only be a bad lie, but an ignorant one. Why would anyone do that and what did they think they would gain? How about you be the judge as you watch this romantic comedy. Cameron Diaz (The Counselor, Bad Teacher) played high powered lawyer Carly Whitten, who felt she finally found the right one when she met successful businessman Mark King, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Mama, Game of Thrones-TV). Everything was going well until Carly showed up at Mark’s house to surprise him and was greeted by Mark’s wife Kate, played by Leslie Mann (This is 40, Knocked UP). That was not going to be the only surprise the two women would encounter when they decided to join forces against Mark and his cheating ways. I was stunned at how quickly this film went from bad to worse. Sitting in front of me were at least a dozen 10 to 12 year old girls with a few mothers. Though the movie was rated PG-13, I thought the mature subject matter was inappropriate for these girls. The only reason I could think of these mothers taking these girls to see this film was to show them what not to be when they grew up. The script with its humor was predictable and infantile. An example would be the scene that involved a powerful amount of laxatives being consumed. Do I need to say anything further to you about this crappy film? I am not lying when I say the trailer was the only thing I liked about this movie.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Single Moms Club
Without some type of support system in place one can begin listening to their inner voice with doubtful ears. I am quite familiar with doubt; if left unchecked, it is an invasive weed that chokes the bloom off of my ideas. If I did not have supportive friends and family in place I do not think I would have had the courage to publicly post my movie reviews. Prior to starting my website I would email individual people my thoughts on a film. From my 1st public review to current ones I can see a big difference in the way I write them. I now find the earlier ones to be sterile and impersonal, none of my feelings were blended into the words. The evolution of my writing took place thanks to the positive responses I have received from so many different people. A kind word is one of the best ways to stop the spread of doubt. I thought the concept for this comedic drama was a wonderful idea. Any single parent could use a supportive group of individuals around them and I was curious to see how writer/director Tyler Perry (The Family That Preys, Madea franchise) would handle the situation. The answer would be with a heavy hand and humor at the lowest level on the comedy scale. I was actually surprised on how bad this film was on so many levels. It followed such a formula that I cannot imagine much time was devoted in the making of this picture. Let us start with individuals from multiple ethnic groups so the movie could attract a wide audience, check this off the list. Next make sure you have moms from a low to high economic status so we could see how poor and wealthy people have the same problems. Now throw in male characters as some type of love or former love interest so we could observe the challenges a single mom has when it comes to relationships and there you have it: a boring, lackluster, trite and lazy movie. I felt sad for the cast that included Nia Long (The Best Man Holiday, Boiler Room) as May, Wendi McLendon (Bridesmaids, Rules of Engagement-TV) as Jan and Amy Smart (The Butterfly Effect, Crank franchise) as Hilary. After sitting through this movie, where the best part was the outtakes during the ending credits, if I could have found a support group for traumatized film goers of poor quality films I would have signed up.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Son of God
The usual way we learned about extraordinary, historical individuals was at home, school or in books. We may have been taught about these larger than life people due to the country we lived in, the religion we practiced or the affect they had on the general population where we resided; though there could be many other reasons. Already aware of the importance of these people, if one wants to make a film about them, they would need to do their due diligence in getting all the facts straight before documenting events onto the screen. There are a couple of films that come to mind that achieved this, such as Charlton Heston (Ben-Hur, Planet of the Apes franchise) as Moses in The Ten Commandments and Ben Kingsley (Hugo, Schindler’s List) as Mahatma Gandhi in Gandhi. So now here is this dramatic film about Jesus Christ that was produced by Mark Burnett, known for the reality television shows Survivor and Shark Tank. I discovered after watching this movie that it was born out of the History Channel’s mini-series The Bible. It says a great deal about this piece of work; Jesus Christ getting spun off, how pathetically sad. Diogo Morgado (Star Crossed, Mami Blue) had the challenge of portraying Jesus and he failed miserably. I found him to be a dull, unenlightened caricature who wandered from place to place for two hours. Darwin Shaw (Casino Royale, The Bible-TV) was only a tad better with his character Peter. The script was offensive to me. I am not an expert on biblical quotes but some of the things that people were saying in this film did not sound right to me. The sets were uninspired and the long shot repeatedly used of the city looked like a bad computer graphic made by a Commodore 64 computer. (You older folks may get this analogy.) If one is going to invest the time and money into a movie project of this magnitude, then they need to take the time to do it right. While watching this dull movie I felt it looked like it was just thrown together without much thought. I cannot even say this film would have been better as a TV movie or mini-series; it would make no difference. I think I can accurately say most people have heard of Jesus Christ and probably know more about his story than this film. There were a few scenes where blood was shown.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Endless Love
The world quickly changes when you are experiencing your very first love. For some it may have taken you from receiving an allowance to carrying a purse or wallet; it is a new found independence. If you are the first to experience it among your friends, it can be unsettling for some of them. I remember one of my earliest dates was going to a carnival that came to the neighborhood. Both of our best friends came with us so no one would have to go on a ride alone if one did not like the ride. The two of us went on a ride similar to a Ferris wheel but at a 45 degree angle, with each car looking like a parachute attached to a seat. She was wearing a sundress and a big floppy hat; neither of us realized what the consequences would be on this attraction. Spinning faster than it looked from the ground, our seat veered further out on its axis and the generated wind hit us smack in the face. She let out a screech as her dress flew up while the flaps of her hat folded back. The ride seemed to continue on forever as she screamed the whole time with one hand holding down the front of her dress and the other hand pressing down the hat on her head. Luckily we both were able to laugh about this later in the day. This is a fond memory I have carried with me through the years. I do not know if the couple in this romantic drama will be able to say that with their memories. Alex Pettyfer (I am Number Four, Magic Mike) played high school senior David Elliot. Through the years he had admired classmate Jade Butterfield, played by Gabriella Wilde (Carrie, The Three Musketeers), but never had the courage to approach her. It was graduation time and David would only get one chance to talk to her. Could he do it even if he lived on the wrong side of the tracks? This remake of the 1981 film was painful to watch because it had so few redeeming qualities. The script was laughable; truly, the audience chuckled at some of the cheesiest dialog I have ever heard in a long time. The acting was horrid except for Joely Richardson (Anonymous, Nip/Tuck-TV) as Jade’s mother Anne. Bruce Greenwood (Star Trek franchise, Deja Vu) played one emotion for most of the film–angry, as Jade’s dad Hugh. Since seeing this picture I have seen a couple of reviews where they said Jade’s hair was one of the best parts in this awful film and they were right. The memory of this movie is something I hope I can soon forget.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Vampire Academy
It may only take one article of clothing, accessory, family member or friend and you get branded for life by your peers. A sweater you wore may have a spot or small hole that you did not notice, but someone else did and made the assumption you came from a poor family or even worse a dirty family. I have a watch that looks like an expensive, famous brand of timepiece. It always surprises me during a conversation with an unfamiliar person, when i catch them staring at my watch and their mannerisms do a slight shift towards me afterwards. I cannot explain it since I avoid dealing with people who only focus on the surface of an individual. Back in school I had a friend whose dad was a bus driver. I cannot tell you how many times other classmates would make comments about how his dad was Ralph Kramden (if this name is unfamiliar to you then look up Jackie Gleason) or he was the son of a bus driver. Not only did I not understand the reason for these kinds of comments, but I found them cruel. Well, evidently this same kind of labeling takes place among vampires. Lucy Fry (Lightning Point-TV) played Lissa Dragomir, the last vampire of a royal bloodline. After being out on her own in the real world she was forced to return to St. Vladimir’s academy for vampires with her best friend and protector Rose Hathaway, played by Zoey Deutch (Beautiful Creatures, Mayor Cupcake). She was not well received by some of the student body; in fact, some would rather have seen her dead. As if school was not hard enough already, Lissa found herself in the middle of a class struggle. This action fantasy was such a poor production; it screamed of being a Harry Potter and Twilight movie knockoff. The character Rose appeared to be jacked up on huge amounts of caffeine; her speech was more of a verbal blur to me. For the life of me I did not understand why Gabriel Byrne (The Usual Suspects, Miller’s Crossing) as Victor Dashkov and Joely Richardson (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Event Horizon) as Queen Tatiana were part of this film unless they both lost a bet with someone. The script provided nothing but poor dialog and goofy comments. There were so many opportunities to instill some excitement, tension, thought or even sentimental moments but none of that entered into this boring tale. I hope there are no plans to make a sequel. Though I mentioned I try not to label anyone based on their surface, I may have to reconsider when it comes to the director and writers of this silly vampire fantasy.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas
Part of being a friend is being a sounding board for them. I have learned that it is best to offer advice when asked, but to never tell a friend what they should do. In fact, the word “should” is something I have strived to eliminate from my vocabulary. Besides offering help when I am asked, I have depended on the advice from friends to provide me a clearer picture to a variety of dilemmas I have encountered. I do not know if the right side of my brain is more dominant than my left, but some of the solutions I come up with to a problem tend to be more creative than reality based. Gratefully the advice my friends offer me is direct and cuts to the heart of the matter, bringing clarity to my concerns. I do the same thing for them as I have been know to say, “What is the bottom line?” The question cuts to what will it take to make them comfortable with their decision. Not one for having things sugarcoated, I have appreciation for the directness in the way Madea doles out her advice. Played by Tyler Perry (Alex Cross, Good Deeds), Madea agreed to take a trip with her friend Eileen, played by Anna Maria Horsford (Our Family Wedding, Broken Bridges) to Alabama where Eileen was going to surprise her daughter Lacey, played by Tika Sumpter (Salt, What’s Your Number?), for Christmas. Arriving at their destination would not only be a surprise for Lacey, but would be for the small country town once they got a dose of Madea. This latest dramatic comedy in the escapades of Madea was as tired as a bloodhound on a hot summer day. I found the jokes predictable with the better ones having already been used in the movie trailers. To its favor, I am sure these films with Madea keep a positive economic stream flowing through the Atlanta area where the studio is located, keeping people employed. However, this film was stale from the start. At least I enjoyed Kathy Najimy (Sister Act, Hocus Pocus) and Larry the Cable Guy (Witless Protection, Delta Farce) as wife and husband, Kim and Buddy. For me the best part of this film was the gag reel used during the credits. I know Tyler is not interested in my advice, but I feel Madea needs a makeover for a fresh new look.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: You’re Next
Standing across the crowded room you spot your friends talking to several unfamiliar people. As you walk up to them, one of your friends says something that causes the entire group to burst out with laughter. Asking what was so funny, one of your friends tells you the story was too long to repeat; that you needed to be there from the beginning. The laughter has calmed down to a few sporadic chuckles as you stand there feeling like an outsider. I felt the same way as I watched this horror movie. If this film was supposed to be a spoof or a black comedy, I wished someone would have told me, because I might have had a different reaction. Paul and Aubrey Davison, played by Rob Moran (Dumb & Dumber, Shallow Hal) and Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator, From Beyond) were having a family get-together at their recently purchased home. The weekend holiday quickly turned into a fight for survival when family members and their guests were being targeted for death by a small group of masked murderers. For the horror movie fans there were more than enough brutal, bloody scenes that also had a creative flair. I was amused by how stereotypical the rivalry was between the three brothers Drake, Crispian and Felix; played by Joe Swanberg (LOL, V/H/S), AJ Bowen (The Signal, The House of the Devil) and Nicholas Tucci (Choose, Undocumented). I will say I liked the angle the writers were going for with the character Erin, played by Sharni Vinson (Step Up 3D, Home and Away-TV). However, I was confused by the script; it was so cheesy I had to wonder if I was missing some big joke. Though I did not find anything funny in this movie, some of the people around me laughed at a few scenes. Most of my time was spent either being bored or cringing at the gruesome scenes. When I think of a horror movie, I consider the elements of suspense, surprise and shock to be part of the equation; there was a limited amount of them in this story. In a comedy, I expect to hear some jokes or see scenes with physical humor; I honestly do not know if the writers intended to instill laughter as part of the viewing experience. So what did I wind up seeing at the movie theater? I honestly did not know nor did I care. There were multiple scenes of violence and blood.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Girl Most Likely
Once one gets past the awkwardness of puberty and the teen years, is there any reason to be embarrassed for something you had no control over? I am not talking about your hair accidentally being dyed a color not found in nature or tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. Instead I am referring to things like your birthplace, parents or current residence. I find it perplexing when someone is embarrassed to have visitors over to their perceived small, or some other negative adjective, apartment, because the guests live in a swanky or trendy place. Another example would be being ashamed of a parent’s lack of education. Maybe some of these comparisons could be considered a form of envy which I find distasteful. I had the same type of feeling for this comedy film. Kristen Wiig (Bridesmaids, Saturday Night Live-TV) played aspiring playwright Imogene. Struggling to become successful in New York City, she found herself in a predicament that required her to move back in with her mother Zelda, played by Annette Bening (Ruby Sparks, Running With Scissors). Things would not be the same due to two strangers Lee and George, played by Darren Criss (Glee-TV) and Matt Dillon (Crash, Wild Things), living in her mother’s house now. I have to tell you right from the start; this movie was not a comedy, it was a tragedy. This is not a compliment. To create a balance of drama and comedy, it takes work with a little finesse. The story was atrocious; none of the characters were likable. For the duration of this film I found maybe two or three things that were slightly amusing. One of them had Darren Criss’s character singing. Outside of that I have to say this film was icky. In an instance such as this; it would be totally understandable if the actors were embarrassed about their finished product, I know I was for them.
1 1/2 stars
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