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Flash Movie Review: Movie 43
It does not take long after perusing my reviews to notice movies mean a lot to me. Whether on a physical, emotional or cerebral level; there is some kind of connection made between me and the movie. From several of the comments left, there is an appreciation to the personal relationship that a film forms with me. That is one of the wonderful aspects of watching a movie. The way it can trigger a memory, make me think, cause me to burst out laughing; I love the way a movie can take me away so easily. This is why I am so thrilled to say there was absolutely no connection between me and this worthless, offensive comedy. To say I was stunned by the tasteless subject matters would be an understatement. After sitting through this movie, despite several people walking out, I felt every actor and actress should come out publicly with an apology. The movie consisted of several short films that were loosely connected, each one vulgar and tasteless. The cast is more than I can list here, but there are a few that stood out. Let me start with Hugh Jackman (Les Miserables, The Prestige) and Naomi Watts (The Impossible, 21 Grams). These two have been nominated for best actor and actress in this year’s Oscars. I want to know how they can walk the red carpet, knowing what they did in this dreadful piece of garbage. If Halle Berry (Cloud Atlas, X-Men franchise) was concerned she would never live down her role in Catwoman, she won’t have to worry about that anymore. Let me just say she reached a new low when she was mixing guacamole with her breast during her film segment. Add in Richard Gere, Liv Schreiber, Greg Kinnear and Kate Winslet; did all of these movie stars owe someone a huge favor? I could go on and on, but let me end on a positive note. This movie has earned a special place on my movie review site: it is the first film to receive a single star from me. I would have given it a zero; but when I started this site, I decided to make 1 star my lowest rating. Obscene and vulgar language in trailer.
1 star
Flash Movie Review: Quartet
Growing old is like watching a balloon expand with each breath, never knowing when that one breath will cause the balloon to pop. As my friends and I age, the subject of how we may need assistance in our old age comes up more often. It is particularly important to those of us who are single; we wonder what will happen to us. An idea we have kicked around is buying an apartment building, where we can all live. It would allow us privacy but we would always have someone close by if help was needed. In a similar situation this sweet movie was about a home for retired musicians. Idyllic days filled with music and singing, building up to the annual charity concert celebration, received a surprise interruption. It was the arrival of new resident opera diva Jean Horton, played by Maggie Smith (Harry Potter franchise, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel). Her appearance was even a bigger surprise to her former husband and resident Reginald Paget, played by Tom Courtenay (The Golden Compass, Billy Liar). With the heavy weight of clashing egos, could the show survive and still be a success? For his directorial debut, Dustin Hoffman (Last Chance Harvey, Finding Neverland) did an admirable job in telling this safe, predictable story. I think Dustin’s job was made much easier by his impressive cast. Besides Maggie and Tom, there was Billy Connelly (Mrs. Brown, The Debt Collector) playing the flirtatious Wilf Bond, Pauline Collins (Albert Nobbs, Shirley Valentine) as the forgetful Cissy Robson and MIchael Gambon (Harry Potter franchise, The King’s Speech) as concert director Cedric Livingston. From the film’s entire cast there was a true sense of history behind the characters, that was proven at the start of the ending credits. An easy and enjoyable movie to watch. A thought came to me as I left the movie theater: When I take my last breath, I only hope it comes at the end of a movie’s credits.
3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
I have met a few celebrities in my travels, though not nearly as many as I hope to see some day. Las Vegas has been my lucky spot where I have seen the majority of them. There was the time tennis player John McEnroe and his wife Patty Smyth were walking down the street. My friend and I walked faster to overtake and pass them. We then stopped where I pretended I was taking a picture of my friend in front of a hotel marquee. Fiddling with the camera lens, I waited until John and his wife came into viewfinder range then shot the picture. The photo showed my friend standing next to the couple as if he belonged with them. Things like this have added an extra fun element to my Las Vegas trips. The subject of this documentary was someone I met in a Las Vegas hotel’s elevator. When she walked into the elevator it only took a second for me to realize it was really Joan Rivers and not an impersonator. The question then was whether to leave her alone or say hello. I could not resist and introduced myself, telling her I enjoyed her humor. Joan was quite cordial, thanking me and asking me if this was my first time in Las Vegas. It briefly crossed my mind to hit the emergency button to stop the elevator, so I could ask her a bunch of questions. I thought better of it because getting arrested as a stalker would be something that definitely would not stay in Vegas! If you are not a fan of Joan Rivers I do not think you would even get this film; however, I was surprised to find her story told in a funny and compassionate way. She deserves credit for what she has done in paving the way for the female comics we enjoy today. No matter what you think about her, Joan cannot be faulted for her work ethic. At her age keeping her schedule as active as it was shown, I only hope I can keep doing what I do at that age. As my cousin’s aunt who was a Hollywood manager always said, “You have to be a little crazy to be a star.”
3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Exit Through the Gift Shop
For all I know, I may be seeing the work of the next Andy Warhol or Banksy. When I ride the city’s public transportation inevitably I see a variety of street art and graffiti. Not the kind that a teenager tags on a wall to claim he or she was there, but the detailed creations that give me reason to pause and ponder their message or even their irrelevance. Part of my curiosity is trying to figure out how the person even reached the location to place their work. This documentary gave me an inside look into the whole process and I found it wildly fascinating. The film began with the story of Frenchman Thierry Guetta, a Los Angeles shop owner. With video camera in hand, Thierry fell into recording street artists. His quirkiness and charm somehow worked; artists began trusting him, allowing Thierry to document their work in action. One of the most infamous street artists was the individual who called himself Banksy. His detailed stenciled art had become well known throughout the world. Thierry was determined to track down this artist, but when he finally met the person, Thierry’s camera lens would be turned back on himself. I know art is a personal thing for everyone. What one person calls art, another could call it junk. It should not make a difference for enjoying this funny documentary. In my naivete I had no idea Shepard Fairey, the man associated with the famous blue and red Obama campaign poster, was a graffiti artist. Or that Mr. Brainwash did the cover art for Madonna’s Greatest Hits Collection CD. The risks these creative people took was startling. Since Banksy was credited with directing this movie, I honestly did not know how much was believable and I did not care. The build up to Mr. Brainwash’s show felt surreal to me. The creative mind is a wonderful thing and watching it in action throughout this film was exciting.
3 1/2 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: A Haunted House
Laughter is an oil change for a person’s mind and body. There is nothing like laughter to blow away any clouds that have formed in the mind or to release the tightened tissues of the body. Every day I try to find humor in my daily life. Whether it comes out of a profound or ridiculous situation, there usually is a laugh or two to be found. In this movie the humor was expected by spoofing horror films, such as Paranormal Activity. There is nothing wrong to laugh at something silly; I laughed at a couple of scenes in this comedy. Marlon Wayans (Scary Movie franchise, White Chicks) played the boyfriend Malcolm. A big moment was taking place in his life when his girlfriend Kisha, played by Essence Atkins (Dysfunctional Friends, Are We There Yet?), decided to move in with him. Once she arrived things started happening that Malcolm was not expecting. Setting up a house security camera system, the couple hoped to get to the bottom of the unexpected occurrences. This witless movie was mindless. I can appreciate a bawdy (who says that these days?) or body function joke; but after one of them, they lose their shock value for me. As soon as a scene was set, it was obvious where the gag was about to happen. Even casting Cedric the Entertainer (Larry Crowne, Cadillac Records) as Father Williams was mild relief to the monotony. There was nothing original written into the screenplay. Haven’t we already been exposed to most jokes about flatulence or copulation? I am not this curmudgeon sitting in his theater seat, with a flashlight and billy club, ready to pounce on any offenders who are not following my movie theater rules of etiquette. However, this film was rated R and I want to know what the parents in the theater were thinking by bringing their young children to this movie. I just want to scream, “If you cannot afford a babysitter then stay home and read a book to your kids.” The biggest joke to be found is buying a ticket to see this stale movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Joyful Noise
The last song set was my favorite part of this musical comedy because it reminded me how much I love concerts. There was nothing like being with 20,000 people who were there for one reason: to watch a musical artist create a magical moment. I especially would get a kick when a musician or singer made an unexpected change to a familiar song. It made me feel special as if I were part of an exceptional group, that would be the only ones to hear that version of the song. That fond memory was pretty much the only good thing associated with this cheesy film. A cross between the television show Glee and the movie Footloose, this film had nothing original to bring to the genre of singing competitions. Queen Latifah (Just Wright, Chicago) was newly appointed church choir director Vi Rose Hill. She was chosen over long term benefactor and choir member G. G. Sparrow, played by Dolly Parton (Nine to Five, Steel Magnolias). This set up a continual conflict between the two women. If it involved Vi’s daughter Olivia, played by Keke Palmer (Akeelah and the Bee, Cleaner) and G. G.’s grandson Randy Garrity, played by relative newcomer Jeremy Jordan or what musical direction to take the choir; the two woman never let up in every situation. The script was nothing but cringe worthy and icky. It came across as if the writers cut and paste bits from other movies, thinking since it worked once it would work again. Of course, Queen Latifah and Dolly had their big solos and for the most part I enjoyed the singing numbers from everyone. But then again I am a sucker for most any singing done in a movie. Sadly I have to say on a musical scale, this movie was a D flat.
1 7/8 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Baby Mama
The announcement was confusing to me when I heard my aunt say her daughter was getting a baby in six weeks. I had only seen my older cousin the week before and there were no telltale signs she was pregnant. Though I was a little kid at the time, I understood it took 9 months for a woman to have a baby. When I tried to question my aunt, she would only tell me that the baby would be coming soon and everything would be fine. It took another cousin to finally explain adoption to me. Even back then, once I understood, I remembered thinking what was the big deal that my aunt could not say her daughter was adopting a child. I am glad those times have changed. In this comedy successful 37 year old business woman Kate Holbrook’s, played by Tina Fey (Date NIght, 30 Rock-TV), biological clock was loudly ticking over a body that was having a hard time making a baby. With her options dwindling, Kate looked into finding a surrogate mother. Enter Angie and her husband Carl, played by Amy Poehler (Mean Girls, Parks and Recreation-TV) and Dax Shepard (When in Rome, Hit and Run). Would these two women manage to survive the following 9 months together? It may have been a challenge to them but it was fun for us to be a witness to it. Having the two actresses play women from opposite sides of the social economic spectrum made the story ripe for many humorous scenes. Not necessarily loud roars of laughter, but certainly chuckles could be found throughout this film. Gifted with great comedic timing, the chemistry between the two was wonderful. In brief cameos with big impact were Greg Kinnear, (Thin Ice, Little Miss Sunshine) as Rob and Steve Martin (Roxanne, It’s Complicated) as Barry. When done watching this movie, you will understand why the Golden Globes picked these two wonderful women to host this year’s awards show.
2 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Parental Guidance
My grandmother had no friends. It was her choice, since her only concern was her family. I cannot recall a time when my grandmother did not have some home baked sweet treat ready for us to eat. Knowing I would be stopping by her house for Halloween, with my two buckets (I was always paranoid a shopping bag would rip); she would have bags of candy and licorice made up to pass out to me and my friends. She never said a bad word about anyone; her harshest criticism was saying the word “feh” to something or someone she did not like. My grandmother had nothing in common with the grandparents in this comedy. In fact, I do not know of anyone who have grandparents similar to the two in this film. Billy Crystal (Analyze This, When Harry met Sally…) and Bette Midler (Beaches, The First Wives Club) played grandparents Artie and Diane Decker. When their daughter Alice, played by Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler, The Lincoln Lawyer), asked them to babysit their three grandchildren; Diane jumped at the chance while reluctant Artie had no choice but to agree. However when the two elders’ old school way of child rearing smacked up to Alice and her husband Phil’s, played by Tom Everett Scott (Because I Said So, Dead Man on Campus), new school methods; all discovered they could still learn a thing or two about each other. If you happened to see the trailer, you already saw the best parts of this abysmal movie. Besides every humorous moment being predictable, I thought the characters Billy and Bette played were more like two comedians on the comedy circuit tour through the Catskills or Florida (no offense to those who live in either place). Having two actors gifted in comedic timing, I only wished the story had some original ideas for Bette and Billy to mine through and surprise moviegoers. Instead the actors seemed as if they were mugging for the camera. On a positive note, this film was suitable for most of the family; no vulgar language or sexual innuendos, only a little bathroom humor. For a movie like this I would have waited for it to come out on DVD. If my grandmother were alive to watch this film she would have said feh.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: This is 40
My introduction to my 40th birthday was having the bagger at the checkout line calling me “sir” and asking if I needed help with my bags. Asking several friends what they noticed when they crossed the threshold into middle age, the responses were quite varied. One person suddenly felt expandable waist bands on blue jeans was a good idea, while another was perplexed why Suri kept suggesting he sit down and take a rest. Then there was the friend who wondered if she was going to be banned from Target or Express, having to spend the remainder of her years shopping at Lane Bryant or some discount store. At a wedding would I never be able to get up to shake my hips on the dance floor unless it was a Cha Cha or that generic version bands always play of Kool & the Gang’s Celebration? For those in a relationship, would they start dressing alike once they reached that magic number? In this comedy, the married couple are on the verge of turning 40 years old. Leslie Mann (17 Again, Knocked Up) played Debbie who wanted nothing to do with turning 40. Paul Rudd (Role Models, Wanderlust) was Debbie’s conflict avoiding husband Pete. Judd Apatow (The 40 Year Old Virgin, Pineapple Express) wrote and directed this updated story about Debbie and Pete from Knocked Up. Settled into married life with daughters Sadie and Charlotte, played by Judd’s real life children Maude and Iris, the neurotic couple tried to cope with life’s daily annoyances. There were laugh out loud scenes through the movie, but be prepared for the vulgar language that everyone spews out, including the kids. I felt Judd used his real life experiences for a baseline, but then elevated them to an unrealistic level. Without going into stronger character development, the film went on longer than it needed. It started feeling as if we were going from one joke line to the next. Though I am still glad I went to see this movie, please do not tell me this is what happens to people who have been married for a long time.
2 2/3 stars
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