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Flash Movie Review: Meet the Blacks
I try very hard to keep a barrier in my daily life between the real world and my fantasy one. It can be hard to accomplish at times due partially to the vast amount of movies I have seen. One of the reasons is because there have been instances where my real life has mirrored something I have seen in a film. Before you say that sounds like a cool thing to experience I have to tell you, though it has felt that way at times, there have been moments where it was not a pleasant situation. There was the wedding I attended where the parents of the bride and groom had a fight at the reception causing the bride to run out of the room and go sit in a bathroom stall, crying her eyes out. Another time I was driving on a highway when I saw a car spin out of control that started a chain reaction of accidents. Of course for every negative experience I have encountered I also have found a pleasant one. I vividly remember the time while I was standing in a long line for an amusement park ride I spotted a stranger and as they turned around to look at me everyone else disappeared into the background just like the gymnasium scene from West Side Story. So you see there are pluses and minuses to living a life filled with movie excerpts. It would be special if I was able to pick and choose the film genres, wouldn’t it? I will tell you I certainly would not freely choose a horror story like the one that appeared in this comedy. LEAVING Chicago for Beverly Hills Carl Black, played by Mike Epps (The Hangover franchise, Resident Evil franchise), hoped to make a better life for his wife Lorena, played by Zulay Henao (Takers, Boy Wonder), and his children. Unfortunately once the family settled into their new place they soon would become part of a horror story. This comedy had a curious premise of incorporating a story line similar to a recent horror film franchise. I actually liked the idea however it was the script that was horrific. The repeat use of curse and derogatory words is something I have never found to be funny. As for the humor I found very little of it in this comedic spoof. It was weird for me to sit through this film because at first I thought the story was the same as an old television show called, “The Beverly Hillbillies.” It was about a poor family that struck oil on their land and moved to a mansion with a cement pond. But then the story shifted to horror and what I mean by horror were scenes of blood and violence. There was plenty of horror for me just by sitting in my seat through this whole picture so I could write my review. I hope you never find yourself in a situation similar to what took place with me in the theater and this movie.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Bronze
There are some individuals who have been fortunate to extend beyond their 15 minutes of fame, though not always for the best reasons. I not only believe everyone should get their 15 minutes but I feel many people do not even realize they already used part of their time. A person who performs an act of kindness, such as giving up their seat in a crowded train car to someone else or helping an individual with directions to a particular spot, achieve a bit of that fame in someone’s eyes. Before I say what I am going to say next, I want to first state that I feel everyone has the right to work as long as they are able and have the desire. However, I have seen some people who may be better off if they had stopped at an earlier time, especially when it comes to celebrities. There have been film stars who wind up hawking a company’s products or go on the lecture circuit and I am okay with these career changes. But when I see a celebrity trying to maintain their past “glory” by turning themselves into a caricature of their former self just to make a dollar or stay in the public eye, I have to wonder if they really need the attention and money. Since I have been reviewing movies I have seen some actors, even Oscar nominated ones that were doing work that was absolutely beneath them. Did they really need the money? When I was an extra on a movie set there was an actor in the cast that some of us were surprised he agreed to be in the film; it was a silly role for him. He was such a jerk during the filming, one had to wonder if he always acted that way or was he upset that he had to do this type of work now. It is similar to the main character in this dramatic comedy. TO receive an inheritance bronze medal winner Hope, played by Melissa Rauch (Are You Here, The Big Bang Theory-TV), had to coach an up and coming gymnast; a job she felt was beneath her. This film festival nominee had a story that was relatable to viewers; who hasn’t done work they did not like? I could say it for my experience with this picture because I had to sit through this movie listening to crude, offensive remarks in a ridiculous story. With Sebastian Stan (The Martian, Black Swan) as Lance and Gary Cole (In the Line of Fire, Pineapple Express) as Stan, I sat in my seat trying to figure out what attracted the movie studio to okay this film project. The humor was not funny to me except for maybe a couple of instances and if this truly wanted to be a satire I did not see it as such. This may have been partially a story about extending one’s fame but the outcome in my opinion deserves to take back some of that used time.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Zoolander 2
What is old eventually becomes new again, is a saying that has been repeated over and over. Some of you may relate to this especially when you see advertisements for the latest clothing styles; the clothes were in fashion before when you were growing up. Take a look at bell bottom pants; they come into fashion for a couple of years then they go out before they come back in. I hate to admit this but I still have clothing stored away that I used to wear years ago, some even back from high school. After my weight loss I still kept them as a backup. Though I have seen some of that old clothing return into vogue, manufacturers in conjunction with marketers bring back some of these items but tweak them just enough to make it look fresh and new. If you remember that soft drink fiasco, not everything new makes it instantly better. Just let me tell you about winter gloves as an example. Years ago gloves were usually fleece lined or had some type of down inside of them. All of a sudden new products came out that claimed to be just as warm as these natural fibers but take up less space, they were thinner. I do not know about you, but I do not find gloves with this thin insulating material to be that warm for my hands. Give me good wool lined or duck down filled gloves and I will be able to tackle any harsh winter day. Now let me say I do believe there is no reason to fix something if it is not broken, so I am never the first one to jump on the latest updated version of something from the past; it turns out this is wise advice. WHEN celebrities were being killed off while striking a signature pose created by Derek Zoolander and Hansel, played by Ben Stiller (While We’re young, The Watch) and Owen Wilson (Midnight in Paris, No Escape), the two former models were brought out of retirement to try and help track down the killers. This comedy sequel tipped its hand when the trailers came out for it; they were the best parts of this movie. With Will Ferrell (Daddy’s Home, Get Hard) as Mugatu and Kristen Wiig (The Martian, Welcome to Me) as Alexanya Atoz, all the characters had a chance to do something funny. I kept waiting for it but it never happened; the script went all over the place, it was a mess. Now I have to tell you I did not think the original movie was anything special, but compared to this sequel it moved up on my favorability rating scale. There were more cameos in this film than there were jokes. As I sat through this picture I had to wonder who thought doing a sequel would be a good concept. The only thing this movie did for me was prove not everything updated and made fresh was a good idea.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Forest
It was a couple of months or so ago where I read a news article about a set of twins, two sisters. They were in their late 80s, living on opposite sides of the country. They each were married with grown children. Based on what I read about them they seemed to have led an “ordinary” life; in other words there was nothing extreme that befell either of them. Now the reason why I was even reading about them was due to their death, which was the headline of their story. One of the sisters had died of a heart attack and within less than an hour later the other sister died of the same thing. There wasn’t time to even tell the living sister about her twin’s death. Some people who read this article would say how sad it was that the sisters could not say goodbye to the other, while others might say each of the women did not have to experience the sadness of losing their sister. I think both trains of thought are valid. The first set of twins I met was in high school. Actually the school had several sets which fascinated me even more. The reason being some sets were identical both in personality and physicality, but others looked the same but totally different in temperament; I am talking the perfect examples for what was a good and a bad conscious. But what really intrigued me was the special silent bond the siblings shared with each other. Without uttering a word a set of twins could still communicate with each other on, what I interpreted it to be, a psychic level; similar to what was taking place with the twins in this horror film. SARA, played by Natalie Dormer (Rush, Game of Thrones-TV), felt it deeply; her twin sister Jess was in trouble somewhere in the Aokigahara Forest at the foot of Mt. Fuji in Japan. Even the forest’s nickname, “Suicide Forest,” would not stop Sara from finding her sister. The cast which included Taylor Kinney (The Other Woman, Chicago Fire-TV) as Aiden and Eoin Macken (Centurion, Merlin-TV) as Rob did a good job of acting. I enjoyed the outdoor scenes which lent themselves to an almost mythical atmospheric platform for the characters to play with as the story progressed. The horror was more psychological based than gruesome terror. Too bad the script was poorly written because there was nothing scary or suspenseful in this movie. I kept waiting for something to happen besides the sudden sound or strange appearance in a scene but no luck. There were more groans in the theater than in this film. The idea for the story was sound. The cast was capable, the setting was fine; but nothing was done to utilize them to their best advantage. What scared me was a scene that looked like it could be a prelude to a sequel; I certainly hope I am wrong.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Point Break
These machines were built for one’s enjoyment but if used in a certain way they would become torturous. I am not sure how many of you even know what a slide projector is but I have one in my possession. There was a time where people took pictures with cameras that used film; some of that film was meant to be developed into slides. A slide projector was used to display these types of photographs up onto a projection screen or a really, really white painted wall. I am a huge fan of photography having minored it in college. For me photos provide a visual history about a person. They have a way of letting us revisit a moment in time to re-experience the emotions we had back then. Whenever someone tells me they took pictures while on vacation I am the first to ask if I could see them. One of the reasons, besides seeing people enjoying themselves, is my being able to see places I have never seen or at least to see it through someone else’s eyes. A different perspective can enhance one’s own memories about a place. Now that I talked about the positive aspects, let me tell you about the unpleasantness one can encounter if the photo taker goes astray. You have been sitting for almost an hour while your host is showing you their photos from a recent trip. When you said you wanted to see them you had no idea there would be that many photos, photos of artificially flavored snow cones to their rental cars to clouds to benign forests to their motel room; you get the picture? If not, then try sitting through this action crime film. UNDERCOVER FBI agent Utah, played by Luke Bracey (The November Man, The Best of Me), needed to infiltrate a group of extreme sports athletes to solve an international crime case. The challenge would be to survive the death defying feats. The story for this crime film spanned the entire globe, offering spectacular outdoor scenes. I felt I was going through a collection of saved postcards from a world traveler. The action was intense, with stunts that were dumbfounding. With Edgar Ramirez (Joy, Deliver Us From Evil) as Bodhi and Ray Winstone (Hugo, The Departed) as Pappas being part of the cast, this movie was all about the visual experience; there was nothing else positive about the film. This remake barely resembled the original film; there was weak and cheesy dialog, bare minimum acting and a story that made little sense. Except for enjoying scenes from the different continents I was bored throughout the majority of this picture. It literally felt like I was being held hostage to sit through someone’s vacation pictures for however long was this movie’s running time. If I had a choice I would have preferred to stay home and wait for the characters to send me a postcard.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Jem and the Holograms
It should not matter what other people think about the things that bring you joy. This seems like such a basic concept; you cherish desserts but your good friend does not or your significant other loves to go camping but you are not fond of it. For those individuals who shall we say have a stronger constitution, someone else’s thoughts and tastes have no bearing on their enjoyment. I knew this person who loved to dance; whenever the opportunity presented itself, they were the first one to get up and start dancing. They had a poor sense of rhythm but either they were not aware or just did not care. It did not stop some people from making comments or teasing remarks. Now some individuals who were not as sure of themselves as this dancer would probably stop dancing in public. For others they would ignore the remarks and comments, not stopping for anyone. I am aware this is not always an easy thing to do. When I first starting teaching fitness, I was a nervous wreck every time I walked into a class. Yelling in my mind were these voices that told me I was too big, not flexible or good enough; I was a fraud who was just pretending to be an instructor. There were so many other instructors who looked and acted the part with their snug fitting outfits that were color coordinated. I wore baggy basketball shorts, a loose T-shirt that had either a state logo or landmark and a baseball cap. It took me a long time to acquire the confidence to believe I was doing something good. Because of this I was able to understand what the main character was feeling in this musical adventure. NOT until a video of her singing was uploaded to the internet did Jerrica, played by Aubrey Peeples (Rage, Nashville-TV), begin to believe in herself. Along with her sisters they would become overnight sensations; but would it be too much for them to handle? I do not know where to begin because I was void of any feelings by the end of this dramatic fantasy film. If I can explain, the entire script sounded like an example that would be used for a screenwriter’s 101 class; it was cliched, predictable and sappy. I was not familiar with the 1980s cartoon series this movie was based on, but the robot story line seemed like a totally different movie from the singing one. Even Molly Ringwald (Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles) playing Aunt Bailey left me perplexed since she came across as a flat one dimensional character. The only worthwhile scenes were the ones that had singing in them. This was such an odd film; notice I did not even list any other actors because their acting was so sad. If any of them look back at this they might want to change careers. There was an extra scene in the beginning of the ending credits.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Hell and Back
They may only be a string of words but they are filled with the essence of a person. In yesterday’s review I talked about people who do not follow through on their intentions or promises; today I am referring to people who out and out tell lies. For me this is one of my deal breakers on whether I continue a relationship with a person. I don’t have an issue if someone wants to colorize their stories, but saying something that is false to change another person’s perceptions is nothing I want to be around. A few weeks ago a friend of mine called to rant about a friend of hers who I happen to know. This friend had called to touch base with her and catch up with what was going on in their life. During the conversation the friend was explaining why he did not do something he had said he was going to do for her; he told her his sister had cancer throughout her body. My friend was stunned and saddened by the news. After their conversation ended she called another friend to tell them about the sister. Well long story short, it turned out this other friend called the sister to see if they needed any help and shocked her because she did not have any cancer. Now you have to wonder why a person would lie about such a thing; there is no excuse for it as far as I can see. When I hear things like this I feel a person will wind up experiencing a specific negative thing in their life; others would say they are going to hell. AFTER breaking a promise Curt, voiced by Rob Riggle (Let’s Be Cops, 21 Jump Street), was dragged to hell. His friends who witnessed it followed Curt in to try and rescue him. This stop motion animated adventure comedy had some major actors voicing characters like Susan Sarandon (Tammy, The Lovely Bones) as Barb the Angel, Mila Kunis (Jupiter Ascending, Ted) as Deema and Bob Odenkirk (Nebraska, Breaking Bad-TV) as the Devil. Their voices were the best part of the movie; what they said was crude. This film is for adults only because the language was so blue aka risque, bawdy, R rated. I did not find the visuals creative considering the artists could have pretty much created anything they wanted for the scenes. The humor was at such a low level that I did not find anything worth a chuckle. As the script went from one sight gag to another I soon became bored with the story. To tell you the truth I was a bit surprised the studio was able to get first rate actors to partake in this picture. I had to wonder if the actors had done something “bad” in their lives where they had to participate in this film; maybe this was hell for them. Strong language throughout the film.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: We Are Your Friends
There is a particular point in a song where the beats per minute begin to reach out and you cannot help yourself from moving. One could be sitting in a nightclub and a certain song comes on that makes you almost unconsciously begin to tap your feet to the beat. There is something primal about being part of a crowd on the dance floor as everyone is moving in their own way to the music thumping out of the speakers. One of the reasons I especially enjoy dance music is because of its lack of structure. Many styles of dance such as a polka or waltz require you to follow a pattern with a partner. When disco came on the scene people really started to let loose as electronic music started coming to the forefront. I do not know if they still hold school dances, but I want to tell you the main reason why I did not like attending them. If you were not part of a popular group more than likely a good portion of your time was spent sitting on the sidelines as you watched your classmates dance in the middle of the gymnasium. The only thing that would make things worse was when a teacher would force a boy to go ask a girl sitting off on the side to dance. Usually he would find some way to make fun of his dance partner to all of his friends. Dance music allows one to let loose with no restraints or restrictions. This musical drama had the right beats to move your feet. LIVING off of odd jobs during the day Cole Carter, played by Zac Efron (That Awkward Moment, Neighbors), just needed to find that one track that could help him break into the world of DJs. Getting to the right track would be a convoluted trek. My two favorite parts of this film were the explanation of the DJ’s job and the soundtrack. I found myself tapping my feet anytime there was dance music playing in this romantic drama. Sadly that was it because this film went nowhere. The script was awful; the entire cast which also included Emily Ratajkowski (Gone Girl, Entourage) as Sophie and Wes Bentley (American Beauty, The Hunger Games) as James was more like sterile stereotypes of actual people. The dialog was lame and I never understood why Cole was taken under the wing of the other DJ. There was something about the events in this film that came across in a calculated way, as if the writers pulled out different emotions from a hat then wrote a scene around them; it came across in a disjointed way. Watching this movie was like dancing with a partner who had two left feet or in my case since I am left-handed, two right feet. Either way it was all wrong.
1 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Hitman: Agent 47
There have been some movies that I have enjoyed watching multiple times. I am talking about the original ones, not necessarily the updated ones; though there have been a few that qualify for more viewing. I also have at times enjoyed when a movie transforms to a live theater production or vice versa. Each medium can provide me a different experience on how the story relates to me. Of course there have been some stellar disasters when one version transforms to the other. I remember one movie in particular that was brought to the big stage, getting its world premiere here in the city. A group of us who were all familiar with the film, traveled down to the theater that had its lobby festooned with all kinds of paraphernalia depicting the musical’s logo. Where the film was magical and imaginative, the theater production was bland and dull; it was a big disappointment for us. Now I have stated in the past that I feel movie studios depend more on marketing for their film decisions than coming up with original ideas. It seems as if there is a hot property or should I say when something goes viral, the studio is quick to jump on the excitement and produce a movie out of it. The studio generally has looked towards novels, history and actual events to generate a movie. Now they look at amusement rides and video games to come up with something marketable. My bottom line is the movie has to be entertaining; I do not focus on where the story originated. With this film I had no idea it was based on a video game. CREATED to be a top assassin Agent 47, played by Rupert Friend (The Young Victoria, Pride & Prejudice), had extra reason to find Katia, played by Hannah Ware (Shame, Oldboy), to complete his contract. This crime movie was slick looking, marketed to appear as a thrilling action film. I can only assume all the funds allotted to this project went to the marketing department and the trailers because the script was looney. This essentially was a long chase scene that came off for the most part as a ridiculous attempt to cash in on the video game. Things would happen in scenes with no rhyme or reason besides the main character being able to stand out in the open and not one expert sharpshooter could hit him with a bullet. Have you ever sat next to someone who never wants to share the joystick to a video game? This is how I felt as I struggled with boredom to get through this picture. Even Zachary Quinto (Star Trek franchise, Margin Calls) as John Smith could not save this dud. Maybe the video game is exciting, but to tell you the truth after seeing this film I really do not care. Several scenes had blood and violence.
1 1/2 stars
moviejoltz 