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Flash Movie Review: The Expendables 3
The elderly couple swirled around the dance floor as the bottom of the woman’s dress trailed behind her like a settling morning mist. They dipped, spun and veered from side to side in synch to the beat of the music calling out to them from the tall black speakers that stood like sentries around the dance floor. There was an elegant grace to their movements that did not betray their actual ages. Speaking with them after the dance I discovered they were in their upper 70s and had been dancing together since their wedding day over 50 years ago. When I complimented them on their beautiful movements they thanked me, telling me I should have seen them when they were younger. The couple took turns explaining their moves that involved lifts, fast spins and quick footwork in unison across an entire dance floor. Due to their ages they could no longer do such things and be graceful about it or at least without throwing out either of their backs and falling to the ground. Here was a couple who did not look their age but knew their body’s limitations as it aged; I admired their practicality and honest spirit. AGING gracefully was not an option in the latest for this movie franchise. As the third installment this action film treaded on familiar ground. Sylvester Stallone (Grudge Match, Bullet to the Head) returned as Barney Ross, the head of an elite covert fighting force. After a mission had failed, Barney decided it was time to form a team of younger players who would have to go up against the man who brought Barney’s original team down; revenge had no age limit. Along with the cast from the previous films; this movie had Harrison Ford (Ender’s Game, Cowboys & Aliens) as Drummer, Antonio Banderas (The Skin I Live In, Desperado) as Galgo and Wesley Snipes (Blade franchise, Demolition Man) as Doc. I can just hear you wondering what happened to the younger team members. They were in this adventure thriller; I just wondered if they were happy about it. This could have been a fun somewhat campy film, especially with its great opening scene, if the script had been better. Unfortunately the story was poorly executed. The only older actor that looked like he did some of his own stunts was Jason Statham (Snatch, Homefront) as Lee Christmas. I think the most physical thing Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Last Stand, The Terminator franchise) as Trench did was walk across a hallway. There was violence and blood as a multitude of stunt doubles did the physical work. I am afraid this third film was aged and tired; it needed to be retired.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Deep in the recesses of your mind, unbeknownst to you, is a fond memory from your childhood. No matter what kind of early life was experienced, there usually is at least one thing you recall fondly. The trigger that ignites this memory could easily be one of the most innocuous things on the planet. When you encounter this catalyst the deeply embedded memory rises to the surface of your mind like a deep sea diving bell. This recently happened to me when I saw an old-fashioned candy called Dots in a 3 year old’s hand. The sweet treat has multicolored hard drops of candy stuck on a strip of paper that looks like it belongs in a cash register. One could remove each candy piece with their fingertips; but if one wanted to be real cool, they would use their teeth to peel the candy off the strip of paper. As soon as I saw that candy the memory of the candy store where I always bought those Dots appeared at the edges of my eyes. A tiny place planted on the corner of the block, the shop owner was oversized with arms that gave the warmest hugs. I had forgotten how safe and happy I was whenever I was in her store; the memory flooded me with a sense of calm, joyful peacefulness. JUST as I relived that memory so will many of you experience a past time in your life when you see this reboot of the warrior turtles. With New York City under siege by sinister forces, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were forced above ground in what would be the ultimate test for all of their past training. This action adventure had modern CGI technology working in its favor. The chases and fights were tight and big. Starring Megan Fox (Transformers franchise, Jennifer’s Body) as April O’Neil and Will Arnett (When in Rome, Arrested Development-TV) as Vernon Fenwick, this was where this comedy film quickly deteriorated. Besides being annoying the script was filled with lame jokes and references. The story was at a television cartoon level and though I did not necessarily have an issue with it, after a short time I felt the scenes lacked any real excitement. If it was not for the fight scenes I would have been even more bored than I already was with this movie. I feel once viewers who remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles see this film they will discover their memories were better than these updated characters. For those who did not follow the Ninja Turtles, they may find this was a picture that will soon be forgotten.
2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy
Any story or event becomes enhanced with the addition of an unexpected surprise. If I were to tell you that every 25th person who visited my movie site would get a gift card to a movie theater, I am sure the people who received the cards enjoyed reading my reviews more than the ones who did not get a gift card. If I read a news story about someone doing an extraordinary feat in the middle of a crisis, like a person lifting a heavy piece of machinery that accidentally rolled on top of a child, I feel more invested in the story and will probably remember it for a longer time. There was the time I was at a friend’s wedding reception where his introverted cousin, who used to hang out with us, was called up to give a toast. Instead of giving a speech filled with embarrassing or funny tidbits about the groom, the cousin had secretly made arrangements with the band and performed a couple of my friend’s favorite songs. The big surprise was no one knew the cousin could even sing; he amazed everyone with his incredible voice. So you see, experiencing the unexpected can provide a memorable time. SURPRISED by the unexpected was used to the maximum to enhance this science fiction adventure film. Chris Pratt (Delivery Man, Moneyball) played Peter Quill, a space traveler who was being hunted down after he stole a mysterious metal artifact. Only the evil Ronan, played by Lee Pace (The Hobbit franchise, Lincoln), had an idea what the metal object contained and he was determined to get it from Peter. This action movie had one of the most unusual opening scenes I had ever seen in the superhero genres; I suggest you do not come in late to the movie. Speaking of the superhero genre, the cast in this fun film consisted of some of the most unlikely characters and I do mean characters one will ever see as superheroes. Besides Peter who preferred to be called Star Lord, there was Zoe Saldana (Star Trek franchise, Columbiana) as Gamora, Dave Bautista (Riddick, The Man with the Iron Fists) as Drax, Vin Diesel (Saving Private Ryan, Boiler Room) who voiced the character Groot and Bradley Cooper (American Hustle, Hit and Run) who voiced Rocket. I loved this movie on so many levels. First was the awesome soundtrack; it pretty much played out like an extra character of the cast. The humor, snide remarks, action and special effects were terrific, all fitting together to create something different from any previous superhero film. There was not one time where I felt bored; every scene provided something to look at, feel or think about. I had no idea this motley crew would help make this picture a total, unexpected surprise for me. There was a brief extra scene after the credits.
3 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Hercules
The strongest ones seemed to be the biggest jerks as far as I can remember. They were athletically inclined; able to throw or hit a ball harder than anyone else. If a ball was not available, which was usually the case during the rest of the school day; they had no problem knocking a student down in the school’s hallways. If nothing else then anything a student was carrying was fair game; it was not uncommon to hear textbooks smacking the floor between periods. I was one of the larger boys, but it was not from muscles. As a result my negative perceptions of those who were strong were formed quite early. It was not until new neighbors moved in across the street when I met an exception to my mindset. He was my age but taller than most of the students in our class; English was his 2nd language but no one would know. I would hear the way his family talked to each other whenever I bumped into them outside our apartments. There was a politeness about him that was foreign to most of the athletes in my class. During any contact sports, he would be the only one who would offer a hand to a fallen opposing teammate. Yet no one ever picked on him as if his unusual name and mannerisms made him mysterious; no one wanted to take a chance by confronting him. I had this crazy notion that as long as I could reach and step into his expansive shadow, no one would pick on me. HERCULES in this action adventure film reminded me of my former neighbor. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (Pain & Gain, Snitch) went through a grueling workout regimen to play the part of the Greek demigod, Hercules. Directed by Brett Ratner (Rush Hour franchise, Tower Heist), this fantasy film was all action with a story similar to a graphic novel. Hercules was a muscle for hire, who with a close band of friends, agreed to train Lord Cotys’, played by John Hurt (V for Vendetta, The Elephant Man), soldiers even though they sorely lacked fighting skills. The unprepared troops were forced into a battle that Hercules was not sure they could win. Though the fight scenes were big and over the top, the story was weak in my opinion. I felt there was such a disconnect between the battles and the drama that I became bored with what appeared to be the same thing happening over and over. Too much brawn and a poor script made this just an okay film; nothing that will muscle it into the top spot at the box office. There were scenes of violence and blood.
2 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Planes: Fire & Rescue
Without purpose life would be a continuous cycle of sleeping, eating, working and repeating it all over day after day. This procedure becomes automatic with the absence of thought, similar to being a robot. There is a price one pays when they fall into this mode. The synapses of their brain curl and wither like gnarled arthritic hands, losing movement as they become frozen in one pointless position. Purpose is what adds new colorful landscaped roads to the continual construction site of the mind. These roads can lead one to uncharted territories that spark and reveal a new concept or idea that adds fuel to one’s journey in life. One of the reasons why I decided to become a fitness instructor was due to how I was treated in phys ed classes. Not being athletically inclined, I yearned for a gym class where everyone would be treated equally; no one would be made to feel inadequate or be the butt of cruel jokes. I had a good pitching arm back then but no one looked beyond my physical girth. From that time I found a purpose that put me on my life’s path and continues to bring me unlimited joy as a fitness and yoga instructor. THIS animated adventure film offered a similar message. Dane Cook (Mr. Brooks, Dan in Real Life) voiced the character Dusty Crophopper, a world class champion racer. Discovering he had an engine problem that could end his racing career, Dusty decided to join the aerial firefighter squadron led by Blade Ranger, voiced by Ed Harris (A Beautiful Mind, The Abyss). The major challenge facing Dusty would be to see if his engine could withstand the extensive training required for the job. Visually, this movie was fun to watch with its sense of depth and variety of airplane models, but there was nothing I would consider groundbreaking. The majority of actors voicing the characters were fine in their roles, There were really no standouts except for Fred Willard (Ira & Abby, Anchorman franchise) as the Secretary of the Interior. Though this picture was listed as a comedy, the humor would only appease young children. I found the puns old and corny, not able to recall uttering a single chuckle. The biggest issue I had with this film was its lack of creativity. It was so formulaic and stereotypical that my overall feeling towards this movie was one of tiredness. I think this could have easily been released straight to DVD, there was a blandness to the whole thing. It was such a shame, because the message it was trying to convey was certainly a positive one that shined a light on a noble profession.
2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Earth to Echo
It was a different time where a discarded flashlight was a ray gun and a retractable ballpoint pen was a rocket ship with extra thrusters. It was in the alley behind our houses where my friends and I would let our imaginations lead us on untold adventures when we were kids. A broken tree branch became my secret trap detector. I would test the ground with the prod of my stick, making sure there were no trapdoors before we would venture forward. There was one particular tricky spot where apartment buildings flanked us on both sides; their dark gangways always open in a petrified scream with a whistling wind forcing its way out towards us. We could never be too careful. On extremely hot days each of us had our empty dishwater bottles filled with cold water that we would spray at each other to keep our body temperatures down while we traversed the scorching landscape on the planet Mars. We never had a dull moment as we played and explored around our neighborhood. EXPLORERS are what three friends would have to be when a strange signal suddenly appeared on their cell phones in this science fiction movie. Newcomers Ted Halm, Brian “Astro” Bradley and Reese Hartwig played Alex, Tuck and Munch; the three friends who followed the signal that would lead them to an out of this world destination. This action family film started out with the good idea of having the three friends taking off on a mysterious adventure. I am not a fan of the handheld filming look, so I quickly became annoyed with the unsteady camera shots. The actors were adequate; I took them as their characters. When they were talking to each other the script was fine; however, the rest of the script was bland. There were really no big exciting or tense parts to this picture. If Jason Gray-Stanford (A Beautiful Mind, Monk-TV) who played Dr. Lawrence Madsen was to be the “bad guy” the writers could have made him more extreme. Except for a couple of scenes I thought the special effects were paltry. Now to the biggest issue I had with this film. This story was done before by director Steven Spielberg when he filmed E.T. He did a wonderful job where the movie is considered a classic. If a movie studio is going to create anything that resembles that film they need to make sure they get the best people to do their best work so the viewer will not be reminded of E.T. This did not happen and in fact, this movie had no imagination. Except for young kids who are not familiar with E.T. I cannot recommend spending money to see this film. There was a brief extra scene at the end of the credits.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Transformers: Age of Extinction
If it is not broke then do not fix it is a well known phrase. It means if there is no evidence of a problem, do not waste time or energy on it unless it provides a significant improvement. The different products that claim they are new and improved are things I tend to cast a skeptical eye towards these days. I do a running commentary during my classes; offering my take on current news, movies and the local scene. Recently I have added a weekly update on the latest product recalls and now have new items to mention every week. Some of the reasons for the recalls totally baffle me. For example there was the playground set whose swings hung too low, injuring children’s legs by scraping across the ground. A hanging glass star votive candleholder would break apart from the heat of the flame, possibly injuring people standing nearby. The variety of baby products that are being recalled is staggering. I am floored by the baby monitors with batteries that overheat and explode, causing possible injury (you think?) besides being a fire hazard. The only explosions I want to see are in a movie and this science fiction adventure directed and written by Michael Bay (Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys franchise) was saturated with them. It made sense since some of the Transformers were new and improved. Mark Wahlberg (Boogie Nights, The Fighter) played Cade Yeager, a mechanic and tinkering inventor. With a recent purchase of a broken down truck, Cade felt he may have made a discovery that could change his life and the life of his daughter Tessa, played by Nicola Peltz (The Airbender, Deck the Halls). Little did he know his life was about to change in a very dramatic way. This action film was all about the battles, crashes and explosions. There was very little story; let me re-phrase that, there was very little good story to keep one’s interest. If you only want to see things being blown up then this movie fits the bill. I will say the special effects were spectacular and my favorite part was the final battle. The only 2 actors who showed actual acting ability were Stanley Tucci (The Hunger Games franchise, The Terminal) as Joshua Joyce and Kelsey Grammer (Swing Vote, X-Men: The Last Stand) as Harold Attinger. The script was written with a low level of humor that bordered on ridiculous. I found very little suspense; in fact, it occurred to me I did not get excited by much in this picture. If this is what is in store for us with future sequels, I would prefer watching the original movie again.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: North Face
There are still so many different things I see that I do not understand. Competitive eating contests would be one example. I like food as much as the next person but the idea of shoving and swallowing a bunch of food in one’s mouth in a short period of time makes no sense to me. In a circus I have seen some acts that make me sit there and wonder if that person really grew up wanting to swallow swords or chew up lightbulbs. When it comes to mountain climbing, the whole concept baffles me. I have no problem trekking up a mountain to a vantage point that looks out onto an extraordinary view; however, I want a trail that zigzags its way up where I can just walk and not have to use my arms to pull myself along. At the top I would like a little rest stop or cafe where I can sit out and gaze upon the breathtaking scenery. Even before the recent tragedy in Nepal, I never understood people who had the need to conquer Mt. Everest or any other high mountain peak. Hanging off the side of sheer rock covered in snow and ice, while dangling by a rope tied to a spike driven into granite does not sound like a fun time to me. Based on a true story, this adventure drama was absolutely riveting. Set in 1936 at a time where European countries were drawing sides, it was important to Germany that they be the first to conquer one of the most dangerous peaks in the Alps. Their hopes were dependent on the German climbers Toni Kurz and Andi Hinterstoisser, played by Benno Furman (Joyeux Noel, In Darkness) and Florian Lukas (The Grand Budapest Hotel, Good Bye Lenin). Though they were experienced climbers the two men knew this climb would be their most challenging since they would have to compete against several other climbing teams to reach the top first. This award winning film had several remarkable scenes of Mt. Eiger which means ogre in German. Most of the drama took place on the mountain; however, the secondary story being held in the mountain hotel where childhood friend Luise Fellner, played by Johanna Wokalek (Aimee & Jaguar, Pope Joan) worked as a photographer was a needed respite from the intensity of the story. I abhor cold weather, am not fond of tall heights, do not understand the motivation to do something so dangerous, but none of it mattered because I was frozen to my seat watching this incredible story. There was German, French and Italian languages used with English subtitles. There were a couple of scenes where blood was shown.
3 1/2 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Arthur and the Invisibles
There is a whole world below you; all one needs to do is look down. As I sat outside in the warm sun, watching two 3 year olds rolling their toy cars on the ground, I was reminded of the first time I discovered the tiny world that lived below my feet. There was a line of black ants that went back and forth between a small opening in the dirt and what looked like a half eaten piece of melting candy. I was fascinated how each ant was able to carry a piece of the sweet treat as large as them without being crushed by the weight. Seeing a larger insect with multiple legs weaving between the blades of grass reminded me of an obstacle course I once saw on television. I recall how scared I was the first time I came upon a spider web that had trapped a live victim that kept trying to squirm out of the adhesive thin, silky threads. This animated award winning adventure film revealed a whole other world beneath us where the Minimoys lived. Freddie Highmore (August Rush, Finding Neverland) played Arthur, a 10 year old boy who was living with his grandmother, played by Mia Farrow (Hannah and her Sisters, The Great Gatsby). Past due with her payments on her property, Arthur was determined to find the treasure his grandfather had claimed he had buried out back before he disappeared. His search would take him to a whole different world that was filled with surprises. Written and directed by Luc Besson (The Fifth Element, The Family), the movie’s story kept up a steady fast pace. The animation was okay though at times some of the battle scenes looked more like an arcade game version. I thought the live actors were good, each playing a somewhat cartoonish type character. The choice of musical celebrities to voice some of the animated characters was an interesting decision. I especially liked Madonna (Swept Away, Evita) as Princess Selenia and David Bowie (The Man Who Fell to Earth, Labyrinth) as Maltazard. The story had a certain charm to it though it was pretty much just standard fare. It was easy to figure out where the story was heading. The concept of the Minimoys was a creative one, but there was not much done to explain their history. I thought more detail and better animation would have helped the whole film, though I do not think it will matter to young kids; most would find this a fun film to watch. I like to explore so seeing this on DVD made me feel like a little kid again.
2 stars — DVD
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