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Flash Movie Review: Rough Night
STANDING outside the café waiting for a friend I saw a group of people goofing off across the street. One individual was using a street lamp as a stripper pole. Another person had a squirt gun; however, periodically he was squirting it into his mouth and the others around him. I assumed there was something more than water inside the play toy. Seeing this group acting silly made me reminisce about some of the pranks and laughs I had with my friends when we were younger. There was that time in biology class where we had to dissect fetal pigs. A lab partner dressed their pig up with a beret, sunglasses and lit cigarette; then had someone take pictures of him with his head next to the pig. Another time a group of us dressed up for Halloween to go to a street party down in the city. One of us was dressed as a pirate, including a fake sword. He would jump into the street and stop traffic for a moment, shouting “Yo me bucko!” We were so young back then; not a care in the world, just focusing on having a good time. RECONNECTING with people I had not seen for years was a heady experience for me. The last time some of us had seen each other we had full heads of hair, some were larger and others were thinner. It was funny how the aging process affected each of us differently. Despite the years apart there still was a bond between all of us. The thing that surprised me was how some individuals who were hard partiers back then had mellowed now. Depending on the person’s age part of the discussion drifted towards what medications we were on now; heaven help us we are turning into our parents. I understand as life goes on we each take on responsibilities; there are things I used to do back then that I would not consider doing now. Maybe this is all part of the aging process; I just know I would never act like the friends did in this comedy film. JESS’, played by Scarlett Johansson (The Avengers franchise, Lucy), upcoming bachelorette party was the perfect time for a group of girlfriends to get together and let loose. The way they used to party years ago would be hard to reproduce this time. Along with Scarlett the cast included Jillian Bell (Fist Fight, Goosebumps) as Alice, Zoe Kravitz (Divergent franchise, Good Kill) as Blair, Ilana Glazer (The Night Before, Broad City-TV) as Frankie and Kate McKinnon (Ghostbusters, Office Christmas Party) as Kiwi/Pippa. At first glance I felt the story was a female version of comedies I had seen before. The cast was talented; everyone’s timing was on mark. I had a slight issue with Jillian and Kate; their characters were no different than other characters they played in other films. Kate, who I think is gifted, seems to be the “go to” actor to play these over the top odd characters. Jillian has played the inappropriate person character before. At least there were a couple of laughs in the movie, but I found the script was all over the place. With this type of cast there could have been way more opportunities to utilize the actress’ comedic skills that the script did not offer. For having such a wild time I was left feeling bored at times. When I was younger I never partied like the women did in this picture and after watching them I have no interest in trying now. There is an extra scene in the middle of the credits and at the end.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Baywatch
THEY appeared to know each other but were not friends. Dressed similarly in tank tops and baggy sweatpants; they kept an eye on each other, thinking they were being discreet. I knew better because I would notice the things they did while working out on the fitness floor. Before or after my class I would hang out on the fitness floor to do some strength training exercises. Seeing these two young guys in the same area for several weeks, I started to notice they were not workout buddies; they were competing with each other, attempting to exert their dominance by being the best. What I mean is they would try to out lift each other using free weights. If one guy was doing chest presses, the other would start to do them but with slightly more weight on the barbell. Once the first guy caught sight of his “opponent” lifting more weight, he would stop and add more weight. This pattern would go on until they went from doing 15 reps down to 1; it was comical to watch. THERE is something about some men’s testosterone that pushes them over the edge. Those two guys on the fitness floor are still at it, trying to top each other. Since I am at that between age, between birth and death, I can sit back and just observe some of these antics and shake my head. And trust me it is not just the younger generation; I still get from time to time some older member coming up to me in the locker room and making some lewd comment about me teaching “a classroom full of ladies.” Without being rude, since I am an employee of the fitness center, I find a way to give them a quick response that masks my displeasure and get away from them as quick as possible. I felt the same way about watching this action dramatic comedy. FORCED to do community service former Olympic swimming champion Matt Brody, played by Zac Efron (Dirty Grandpa, Neighbors franchise), thought being a lifeguard would be a no-brainer of a job. That all changed when a dead body washed up on shore. This film loosely based on the television show starred Dwayne Johnson (The Fast & Furious franchise, Pain & Gain) as Mitch Buchannon, Priyanka Chopra (Don franchise, Quantico-TV) as Victoria Leeds, Alexandra Daddario (The Choice, San Andreas) as Summer Quinn and Jon Bass (Loving, All Nighter) as Ronnie Greenbaum. I vaguely remember the TV series but I am sure it was nothing like what I saw in this movie. For me the best part of this film was Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron and the outtakes at the beginning of the credits. One cannot help but enjoy Dwayne’s effort and Zac’s comedic timing. Outside of that the story was overloaded and bulky; sort of like Dwayne’s muscles and Zac’s attitude. The script was awful as it was filled with foul language and sexual references. I did not find it funny simply because more than one or two swear words or sexual innuendos is cheap humor in my opinion. Now there were a few fun sarcastic lines in the script, but there was not enough to entertain me for the duration of the picture. Based on the crowd in the theater, the main purpose for seeing this film as far as I could tell was for the eye candy. No matter how many lifeguards were in this movie, it could not be saved.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul
THE landscape tilted down as I peered out the airplane’s window. I was looking forward to a peaceful ride. The day was clear except for small clumps of clouds that looked like wadded up paper towels discarded across the sky. We were close to reaching our flying altitude when I heard a faint noise. It sounded like a sad pet uttered a whimper. There was a slight pause before a piercing wail filled the cabin. It was a baby I had not seen when we boarded. I thought after a minute the parent(s) would have done something like give the baby a bottle, a toy, a set of keys, something to distract the child. Maybe they did, I could not see though since they were sitting closer to the front. As I sat in my seat I stared up at the FASTEN SEATBELT sign, hoping it would turn off. With no sign of stopping if the parent(s) were not going to take the baby to the restroom, I would go to it to get away from the crying. Needless to say the flight was not pleasant. LIVING a full life means there will be celebrations as well as challenges. Let me include into that equation annoyances. I cannot imagine someone getting through life without ever becoming annoyed by something. Of course the question is what does one do when they become annoyed? Being stuck at a railroad crossing due to a long, slow moving freight train is annoying to me; however if there is no alternative route as an option, there is no point in me staying annoyed. It is out of my control, so I just turn the radio up louder and wait it out. It is funny, I found myself in a similar predicament while watching this family comedy film. Sure I could have walked out, but who then would have warned you? THE special occasion of Meemaw’s 90th birthday was the catalyst for the Heffley family hitting the road to be part of the celebrations. Unfortunately for Greg, played by Jason Drucker (Barely Lethal, Every Witch Way-TV), that meant he would not be able to go to the video gaming convention. Starring Alicia Silverstone (Clueless, Batman & Robin) as Susan Heffley, Tom Everett Scott (La La Land, Dead Man on Campus) as Frank Heffley and relative newcomer Charlie Wright as Rodrick Heffley; this latest installment of the franchise had new cast members. It did not make a difference to me but I understood some fans of the series were upset. After seeing this picture the change of actors was the least of this movie’s problems. Both the script and directing were poorly done; if you saw the trailer then you saw the best parts. I was uncomfortable with the story; I found it whiney and disrespectful. There was nothing funny taking place or let me say I did not find the pranks and embarrassing situations amusing. It seemed as if there was little thought put into the script. Besides not being funny, there was not one element of surprise; the set up and payoff could be seen a mile away, which is where I wished I had been from this film. Here is something interesting: I have never sat in a movie theater and seen so much foot traffic from the audience. Kids and parents were constantly walking in and out during the entire showing of this movie. If I wasn’t annoyed already, there was a parent sitting down in front who played with her cell phone for ½ the time.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: CHIPS
STEP by step I listened to them explain how they mapped out their career. I was actually curious because the methodology I was hearing was foreign to me, compared to my career route. I find it particularly fascinating when an individual knows what they want to do at an early age. You see I had assumed most people went through a series of professions before settling on one. When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut, a singer, a window washer, a dancer and a veterinarian among other things. A friend of mine wanted to be a doctor since he was a young boy and that is what he became. It makes me wonder how much does outside influences play on steering a person to a particular job field. For example a farmer who has children; does growing up in the environment automatically mean a person will take on the occupation associated with it? On my daily route to work I pass a billboard advertisement for a dentist’s office that has a picture of the dentists who are a father and his son. I wonder if the son really wanted to be a dentist or maybe he wanted to be something else. I want to be clear that I am not judging any of the possibilities I have mentioned; however, one area where I could be judgmental is when a person chooses an occupation for ulterior motives. There is an individual I know distantly who chose a career in sales so they could travel and “safely” carry on affairs without anyone knowing, including his wife. I know, I agree with you as you are thinking he is a despicable individual. To me a job should be something you enjoy doing or at least it serves as a greater purpose for something you want to achieve in your future. The two main characters in this comedy came to the job with their own agendas. Frank “Ponch” Poncherello and Jon Baker, played by Michael Pena (The Martian, End of Watch) and Dax Shepard (The Judge, Parenthood-TV), had different reasons becoming motorcycle officers for the California Highway Patrol. They also had different ways of doing it which was a problem since they were put together as partners. This action crime film was written and directed by Dax, loosely based on the television show. With Jessica McNamee (The Vow, The Loved Ones) as Lindsey Taylor, Adam Brody (Life Partners, Mr. & Mrs. Smith) as Clay Allen and Ryan Hansen (Central Intelligence, Veronica Mars-TV) as Brian Grieves; for the life of me I truly would like to know how the cast felt about doing this movie. Except for the chase scenes and cool looking motorcycles, there was nothing I enjoyed about this film. The script for the most part was written at an elementary school level; what was supposed to be humor I found offensive. I do not know how popular the TV show was when it aired; but I can only assume, based on what I saw in this awful movie, Jon and Ponch were “characters” and there would have been exciting action. That was not the case in this movie. If I were you I would keep driving and not get off the highway to see this picture.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: The Comedian
ONCE you typecast a person you essentially are telling them they cannot evolve. Look at the examples we have seen in the celebrity world. Child performers can have a solid career playing a limited range of roles that suit their current personas; however, when they reach puberty and start exerting their independence a majority of viewers/followers turn on them. There are 2 musical artists I can think of immediately who acted out outrageously to break the mold they were boxed into by fans’ perceptions. I can understand how some of us do not want to see our celebrities grow up; but it is a natural part of life. Heck I get it since I still think of myself as a younger version of who I used to be. Asking my friends and family I am sure they will say I certainly do not act my age; however here is a question for you, who decided how we are supposed to act based on our birth age? My philosophy has always been, “young at heart, young in mind.” WHEN I first started out teaching fitness I soon saw signs that I was being typecast in a certain way. From some of the remarks I would get to comments I said in class I realized members assumed I only studied PE courses and was teaching full time. The first time I told someone my educational background I remember how stunned they were that I had studied in the fields of animal science and photography. Even to this day it is not unusual for someone in my yoga class to be surprised when they hear I am a credit manager. The majority of the time the first response to me is, “You are so nice; how are you a credit manager?” I guess there is a stereotype associated with being a credit manager. Speaking of stereotypes and typecasting I am concerned the main actor in this comedy is trying to break the typecast of him being a great actor. HAVING been a famous former TV star Jackie Burke, played by Robert De Niro (Dirty Grandpa, Casino) had a hard time convincing the public he was something more than just his television character. No matter how outrageous he would get his fans wanted the old TV character. This film festival winner had an amazing cast that included Leslie Mann (The Other Woman, Knocked Up) as Harmony Schiltz, Harvey Keitel (The Piano, Reservoir Dogs) as Mac Schiltz, Danny DeVito (When in Rome, L.A. Confidential) as Jimmy Berkowitz and Patti LuPone (Parker, Driving Miss Daisy) as Florence Berkowitz. The story may not have been anything special; but with such a cast, if the script had been a whole lot better then maybe this would have been a decent movie. As it turned out this picture was bad. Put aside the foul language, there was so little that seemed realistic that I was bored through most of the film besides being embarrassed for all the actors. Nothing got developed story wise, the script was a series of skits in my opinion. It would not be fair for me to say but with Robert’s recent film choices he is in a downward spiral. Having seen this and his film Dirty Grandpa makes me think he wants to break some mold he feels he has been placed in.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Rings
SCOURING the shelves in search of something that no longer is being made can be an exhausting process. He went from resale shops to charity stores looking for a VCR. For those of you not familiar with the term it was an abbreviation for “videocassette recorder.” Prior to streaming and DVDs, the first time we were able to watch a television program at a time that was convenient for us was on the videocassette tapes these machines used to record on. The poor man had a collection of movies and shows that had been recorded and his recorder had broken. Going to an electronics store he found out they no longer make such machines, so he had to seek out a used one. As technology gets more advanced it seems as if more things become obsolete quicker. Do not even get me started about the financial cost to keep up with all of it. In addition, think about all the waste for example when one upgrades to a new technology. As an example going from VHS to DVD; what does one do with all the things they have on the tapes? HAVING said that I have recently noticed things that were considered old are becoming new; an example would be vinyl records. Talk about one heck of a technical journey from vinyl to 8 track tape to cassette tape to DVD to digital; I am sure music aficionados were having a nightmare over all the changes taking place with their equipment so they could continue listening to their music. I remember when I was converting my music library to a new format; there were songs that I used to play that over time I lost interest in as my tastes evolved. My decision was to leave that music and not spend any time or money to establish them into my new listening devices. I can honestly say I felt the same way about this dramatic horror sequel. AFTER several years, an old video resurfaced that had deathly consequences to those who watched it. When her boyfriend Holt, played by Alex Roe (The 5th Wave, The Fugitives-TV), was not responding to her messages Julia, played by Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz (Summertime, L’Universale), decided to travel to his college to find out what happened. For the life of me (no pun intended) I cannot understand what the point was for the movie studio to dig up this film franchise and do such a poor job of a sequel. The script was utterly void of originality and used the familiar scare tactics of quick cut away scenes and sudden loud noises to try and scare the viewing audience. I was bored throughout the picture. Seeing Johnny Galecki (The Big Bang Theory-TV, In Time) as Gabriel and Vincent D’Ononfrio (The Magnificent Seven, Pele: Birth of a Legend), as Burke was simply embarrassing; what in the world were the two of them thinking to take such a role? It made me wonder if they even read the script before accepting the job. There might be a chance those who were fans of the original films may find a couple of redeeming qualities with this latest installment; but in my opinion, this is one film that needed to stay buried in the past.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Sleepless
ONCE upon a time employees took pride in their work. Whether it was an office clerk, salesperson, mechanic or repair person; doing a good job used to mean something. Maybe because the business climate changed over the decades from an employees matter mentality to workers now being considered just a disposable statistic, it is not only sad but can be frustrating for the public. Presently I have friends who have been dealing with a large phone carrier for over 2 months, to get them to transfer their business phone lines to another party. Every single time my friends call customer service they get a different answer to the same question. Right now they have received 8 different responses where one representative says they need the new party’s permission to change the phone line to that party, but another rep says they can do it without any permission. Yet nothing ever gets done. WHAT I have found these days are employees who take their pride to cockiness. They really are not feeling good about doing decent work; they are doing it so they can boast and make themselves feel better than the people around them. I do not know about you but it takes a lot of energy for me to keep a straight face while a worker talks down to me in a condescending way. When I encounter someone bragging about something they did at work, that they think was extraordinary, all I want to ask them is, “Isn’t that part of your job responsibilities?” And companies want to know why consumers are switching to online shopping. It only takes one bad employee to color a person’s perception of that company or organization. This crime thriller will show you what I mean. POLICE officer Vincent Downs, played by Jamie Foxx (White House Down, Law Abiding Citizen) found himself being hunted down after he stole a drug shipment from a crime family. His problems got worse when he discovered the family kidnapped his son Thomas, played by Octavius J. Johnson (Coldwater, Ray Donovan-TV). Set in Las Vegas this action film told a story that has been done repeatedly before. The problem was this picture did not offer anything different with this genre. With Michelle Monaghan (Patriots Day, Due Date) as Jennifer Bryant, Dermot Mulroney (The Grey, My Best Friend’s Wedding) as Stanley Rubino and Scoot McNairy (12 Years a Slave, Non=Stop) as Novak; the only actor I thought did anything well was Michelle. In fact I wish the script had been written more around her character for she was the only one where I felt I had a connection. Jamie brought nothing to his role and the script only made things worse for him. C’mon, he has a bleeding wound that seems to only hurt when he needs to take a pause to catch his breath between stunts. Otherwise he is fighting and dodging bullets all over the place. Plus I find it ridiculous to have the bad guys shooting so many bullets but none of them have good aim. This movie was a tedious one to get through; I really would like to know if the people behind this film felt pride in what they created for the moviegoer.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: xXx: The Return of Xander Cage
THERE is always a can of mashed pumpkin I keep up on the shelf in my kitchen cabinet. You never know when the urge will come for some homemade pumpkin bread. It brings memories of comfort and home when my house gets filled with the aroma of pumpkin and cinnamon. The recipe I use was handed down to me: I keep the frail piece of paper it is written on in a plastic sleeve secured in a three ringed binder. I love the taste of pumpkin though I was never a big fan of its seeds; I think it is because those store bought ones were always covered in salt back when I was a kid. Ironically I was also never a huge fan of carved pumpkins sitting out for Halloween. After a couple of days they would start to smell or worse, were attacked by squirrels that would gnaw on them and leave a mess on one’s front porch. Except for that issue there is something about pumpkins that brings back memories of childhood, family and Thanksgiving to me. LAST week while I was grocery shopping I came across a small section of shelves that were stocked with items priced for clearance. At first glance I noticed a majority of the items listed the words “pumpkin spice” on its packaging. Just to give you an idea let me tell you a few of the products that were on the shelves; there were car deodorants, breakfast cereals, cough syrups and coffee all flavored with pumpkin spice. I do not know about you but I found it weird to have so many random products all with the scent or taste of pumpkin spice. Are there that many people driving around with the inside of their vehicles smelling of pumpkin spice? I did not list all the items for you but I felt companies just let their marketing departments go amok and now they are all sitting up on shelves as clearance items; what a waste of time, energy and money. I felt the same way about this sequel. XANDER Cage, played by Vin Diesel (Fast & Furious franchise, Babylon A.D.), was not dead; he was living a peaceful life until he was needed to help retrieve a secret hi-tech device that was stolen by Xiang, played by Donnie Yen (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, IP Man franchise). Whoever had possession of the powerful product could easily bring a country’s government down to its knees. This action thriller also starred Deepika Padukone (Happy New Year, Chennai Express) as Serena Unger, Toni Collette (Krampus, Miss You Already) as Jane Marke and Samuel L. Jackson (The Hateful Eight, The Legend of Tarzan) as Augustus Gibbons. For the life of me I do not understand how a movie studio decides to bring back a character after all these years and produce a total mess of a picture. The script was awful to the point of almost being a total embarrassment. Sure the action scenes were well orchestrated but that is all this adventure film offered and that only goes so far. I could not tell the difference between Vin’s character here with the one he plays in the Fast & Furious movies. If you want to watch a mindless fast paced film then this would be the one; I suggest though you wait for it on clearance.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: The Bye Bye Man
QUICK with a quip, he always placed himself in the front row of class. A good portion of the female members in class enjoyed having him stand in front of them. He had a good sense of rhythm which enabled him to pick up any new exercise moves in class. I knew this to be true because he attended my group fitness class for several months. Just a smidge shy of being 6 feet tall, he easily moved across the floor and had a good sense of body awareness. I knew some of the members watched him move because I always faced the class when teaching, so could see what their eyes were focused on. Usually members will look at themselves in the floor to ceiling mirrors behind me; but there was something about this guy woman preferred watching instead. AFTER attending class every week for several months he did not show up one day. A few members questioned where he could be, but other than that the absence was treated as an aberration. When he did not show up for the following class more members started asking about him. I had not heard anything. A few weeks had gone by and he still had not returned to class nor was seen anywhere else in the fitness center. Once in awhile a member would bring up his name but for the most part he became a memory. A few months afterwards I was walking down to the aerobic studio to teach a class and a member stopped me in the hallway. She asked if I had heard the news about that member who disappeared from class. I told her no; so she quickly proceeded to tell me about an article in the newspaper concerning a missing female roommate who was found dead in the truck of her car that was abandoned at the airport parking lot. Our former class participant was charged with the murder. The news traveled fast through the fitness center and everyone wondered how such a fun, happy go lucky guy could commit murder. This horror thriller may have provided the answer. COLLEGE friends Elliot, John and Sasha; played by Douglas Smith (Miss Sloane, Big Love-TV), Lucien Laviscount (One Night in Istanbul, Honeytrap) and relative newcomer Cressida Bonas; began experiencing frightening visions when they rented out an old house that had a past. Before the movie started I glanced around the theater and realized I had to be one of the oldest people in the auditorium. The crowd was predominantly high school and college aged people. Not that this would make any difference to me but the fact they seemed disappointed at the end of this poorly done film told me it must have been more horrible than I believed it to be. The story was bits and pieces of other movies and most importantly there was nothing scary about the villain, let alone any of the scenes. With a bare bones script there was nothing to lift the actors up into at least a mediocre level of acting. Maybe the trailers were enticing but this would be a waste of your time in my opinion.
1 ½ stars
Flash Movie Review: Bad Santa 2
GOING to someone’s house to share a meal and celebrate a holiday should be an easy thing to do, you would think. Normally you would not be expected to shop for ingredients that the cook needs to prepare the meal, vacuum or clean their whole house; however, you might bring a dish to share or assist in the cleaning process afterwards. All in all it is a relative easy experience. One big factor that could change everything is whether you enjoy the company you will be with for the celebration. Imagine how you would feel if you knew several of the guests there annoy you. THERE was a sense of dread that weighed you down as you pulled up to their house. The hosts were lovely people, sweet and very accommodating to their guests. So their culinary experiments never turn out good; usually there is a total bland taste to the food or at the other extreme, a pungent foul flavor that makes the food barely edible. An easy fix has been to eat something before you show up at their place then eat lightly (and carefully), saying you are not very hungry. At the party the host’s cousin shows up bringing their untrained dog unannounced. The dog is jumping on everyone until it smells the food, then it takes constant monitoring from the guests to make sure this dog does not stand up at the table to grab some food. Another guest that is familiar to you is the man who tells inappropriate jokes at the dining room table. He usually has some prejudiced or sexual comment accompanying his humor. Then there is the narcissist who grabs your attention and will not let you go as they talk on and on about what they recently bought, how much they spent and their recent dating exploits; you see why there is a sense of dread every time you show up to one of these parties. A similar sense of dread welled up in me as I was watching this comedy sequel. STILL drunk and obnoxious Willie Soke, played by Billy Bob Thornton (Sling Blade, Our Brand is Crisis), could not resist doing another job with the man who tried to kill him. This crime dramedy also starred Kathy Bates (Titanic, American Horror Story-TV) as Sunny Soke, Tony Cox (Oz the Great and Powerful, The Hustle) as Marcus and Christina Hendricks (Life as We Know it, Mad Men-TV) as Diane Hastings. The biggest shock for me was seeing Octavia Spencer (The Help, Fruitvale Station) doing a cameo as Opal and that is all I will say about it. The script for this movie was very basic; the jokes were easy to spot and for the most part were crude. I was quickly bored by the story; not that I am offended by the humor, I just found it uncreative. There may have been a couple of times I chuckled if I remember correctly. If you were a fan of the first film you may have a better time sitting through this sequel. For me the novelty of the first one was not part of this picture. I just had to trudge through to the very end so I could review it.
1 ½ stars
moviejoltz 