Blog Archives
Flash Movie Review: The Canyon
There are not words to describe the feeling I had as I stood near the edge and peered across the Grand Canyon. Nothing in my mind could be found to use as a reference point to compare the experience. The entire day was spent hiking; noticing how the light and shadows transformed the chiseled walls of the canyon from deep wrinkles to a blushing expanse. At the end of the day, returning to the hotel room, I discovered I had burnt the top of my head. My mind had been so preoccuppied with the extraordinary stimulation from the day that I forgot to put on a hat. It was worth it based on the memories I had gained that day. Seeing the Grand Canyon was the best part of this movie. Unfortunately, it was pretty much the only part I enjoyed. Eion Bailey (Fight Club, Almost Famous) and Yvonne Strahovski (Killer Elite, Chuck-TV) played newlyweds Nick and Lori Conway, who decided to honeymoon at the Grand Canyon. When their guide Henry, played by Will Patton (Remember the Titans, Armageddon) had an accident; the couple would need to muster up surviving skills if they wanted to get out alive. The action followed a standard template without any originality. I did not find the acting very good. For example, the honeymoon couple did not display the emotions one would expect from two people in love. If it was not for the setting, I would have fast forwarded some of the innocuous scenes. If you cannot find a travelogue to watch on the Grand Canyon, then you may want to rent this film. No one would fault you if you decided to watch it with the sound off. A few scenes with blood.
1 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: A Good Day to Die Hard
At the age of 90 my uncle decided to give up driving. He told us he was not as fast as he used to be. Look at Jerry Seinfeld, he decided to end his television show while it was still getting top ratings and not sliding into mediocrity. As I am aging I know there will come a time when I will have to dial back from teaching my classes. If I cannot provide what the members want for their workout, I am realistic enough to know it is time for me to step aside. Look at the movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The time between this film and the previous one in the franchise was 19 years. It should never have been made; it was a black mark for the franchise. Let us now focus on this latest installment of the Die Hard franchise. Six years since the last one, Bruce Willis (Looper, Moonrise Kingdom) is now a 57 year old John McClane in this action film. Discovering his estranged son Jack, played by Jai Courtney (Stone Bros., Spartacus: War of the Damned-TV), was sitting in a Russian prison waiting to go to trial, John decided to fly out to see what he could do to save his son. Once in Russia, John soon discovered his son was really a CIA operative assigned to protect Russian underworld kingpin Komarov, played by Sebastian Koch (The Lives of Others, Unknown). If this is not making sense to you, no need to worry because nothing really made sense. I found it amazing that the guns used in this film never ran out of bullets or one of the top henchmen talked about his love of tap dancing. I am not making this crazy stuff up. This idiotic movie was one loud fight scene after another, filled with crashes and explosions. And poor John McClane stuck in a time warp from the 1980’s, repeating his catchphrases over and over to the point the jokes were pulverized into dullness. This movie was the perfect example of what happens when you stay past your prime; you remind everyone how much better you used to be.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Lost in Thailand
There are some things a border cannot contain. One item I can think of is ice cream. I mean really, who doesn’t like ice cream? Another item would be gym shoes. As for movies, I would like to believe they go beyond all borders and are a common denominator between cultures. The only reason I hesitate is my questioning if humor can easily transfer between different cultures. When I heard this movie was playing nearby, I decided to see for myself if the accolades I had heard were true. This Chinese comedy was the most successful film for 2012 in China. I was curious to see what Chinese audiences found funny. Keep in mind this film opened here without any advance marketing or reviews. As I walked into the movie theater and rounded the corner to find a seat, I was immediately struck by the absence of any patrons. It felt odd at first, but after 20 minutes I raised the armrests so I could stretch out across the seats. The story was about two business executives who were in a race to beat the other for control of a new additive called “Supergas” that would revolutionize the world. Starring Xu Zheng (Meet the In-Laws, Lost on Journey) and Huang Bo (Crazy Dinner Party, Design of Death) as businessmen Xu Lang and Gao Bo, their competition would take them to Thailand where Xu Lang was forced to ally with pancake maker Wang Bao, played by newcomer Wang Baoqiang. There were a few challenges in viewing this movie. The subtitles went by too quickly for me; I felt like I was in my own race to finish reading to the end of the sentences. I found the acting silly with its highly exaggerated expressions and movements. The scenes were made of slapstick childish humor. I just did not find anything new or funny with this film. I guess there are just some things that are better off not leaving home. Mandarin and Thai language with English subtitles.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Bullet to the Head
At this stage of my life there a few things I would like to give back and a few items I wish I could get again. It would be nice to have the thick head of hair I once had when I was younger. Back then I did not have to worry about raindrops sliding off my scalp and into my eyes. I wish I could give back the annoying brief dizziness I get when I stand up too fast from a reclined position. I understand these things are part of the territory when one ages; so truthfully, I do not give much thought to it. My philosophy is these age related things are infinitely better than the possible alternatives. I cannot understand people who are obsessed with youthfulness by altering their bodies to almost unrecognizable states. That is one of the reasons I had a hard time watching this crime thriller. Sylvester Stallone (The Expendables franchise, Cop Land) did not look human to me. Playing hit man James Bonomo, I found the role to be a narcissistic vehicle for Sylvester. There was the obligatory scene of Sylvester wearing boxers, so movie goers could gaze upon his chiseled body. The story had Sylvester’s character teaming up with detective Taylor Kwon, played by Sung Kang (Ninja Assassin, Fast & Furious franchise), when each of their partners were killed. The deaths lead the two men to a citywide, deadly scheme of corruption fronted by dirty businessman Robert Nkomo Morel, played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Killer Elite, Lost-TV). Except for the tight fight scenes, I found this to be a lazy movie. The script was uninspired, offering several tepid catch phrases. There was nothing new in the movie, leaving me bored. As far as I was concerned, I thought Sylvester should embrace his age and look for roles that would be more appropriate for him. By the end of the film; I felt as if a gun had been pointed to my head, forcing me to sit through this poorly done movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: A Haunted House
Laughter is an oil change for a person’s mind and body. There is nothing like laughter to blow away any clouds that have formed in the mind or to release the tightened tissues of the body. Every day I try to find humor in my daily life. Whether it comes out of a profound or ridiculous situation, there usually is a laugh or two to be found. In this movie the humor was expected by spoofing horror films, such as Paranormal Activity. There is nothing wrong to laugh at something silly; I laughed at a couple of scenes in this comedy. Marlon Wayans (Scary Movie franchise, White Chicks) played the boyfriend Malcolm. A big moment was taking place in his life when his girlfriend Kisha, played by Essence Atkins (Dysfunctional Friends, Are We There Yet?), decided to move in with him. Once she arrived things started happening that Malcolm was not expecting. Setting up a house security camera system, the couple hoped to get to the bottom of the unexpected occurrences. This witless movie was mindless. I can appreciate a bawdy (who says that these days?) or body function joke; but after one of them, they lose their shock value for me. As soon as a scene was set, it was obvious where the gag was about to happen. Even casting Cedric the Entertainer (Larry Crowne, Cadillac Records) as Father Williams was mild relief to the monotony. There was nothing original written into the screenplay. Haven’t we already been exposed to most jokes about flatulence or copulation? I am not this curmudgeon sitting in his theater seat, with a flashlight and billy club, ready to pounce on any offenders who are not following my movie theater rules of etiquette. However, this film was rated R and I want to know what the parents in the theater were thinking by bringing their young children to this movie. I just want to scream, “If you cannot afford a babysitter then stay home and read a book to your kids.” The biggest joke to be found is buying a ticket to see this stale movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D
If Mr. Oscar Mayer and Miss Blackendecker got married and had a child it would be the chainsaw yielding Leatherface, in this bloody movie. After he was done carving up his prey there was enough human flesh that could serve up several courses of steak tartare to a tribe of cannibals. If I did not know better I would have thought this fright flick was a satire of horror movies. There were several scenes where I was chuckling to myself. The movie was so cliched that I could have worn an eye mask and still be able to tell you what each character was about to do. Let us go over our checklist of characters: one buxom female, check; one wild girlfriend, check; one African American, check; one hard chiseled body male, check; and one helpful person who may not be so helpful. The actors must have failed their auditions for the movie The Collection and wound up here. Alexandra Daddario (Hall Pass, Bereavement) played Heather Miller, the sole heir to her late grandmother’s estate in Texas. Joined by her close friends, Heather traveled to her grandmother’s home town; where she would get surprised by what was left for her. That did not even include the extra unlisted asset in the house’s basement. For horror film aficionados, I do not think there was enough scariness in the movie. However, the film was an easy watch; nothing you had to think about or decipher. I do have a question: How did Scott Eastwood (Gran Torino, Trouble with the Curve) get the role of police officer Carl, since it was not his father Clint’s film? Now before you wonder if there was anything positive about the film; I am here to tell you there was not just one thing, there were three. First, the characters I found annoying had spectacular deaths. Secondly, the movie was filmed in Louisiana which helped that state’s economy. And thirdly, there was a surprise satisfying scene at the end of the credits. This movie does not require the use of safety goggles and ear plugs, unless you really want to wear them.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Playing for Keeps
I am more comfortable with diversity, whether it is in my classes or in my neighborhood, than everyone being the same. There is more opportunity for learning with a diverse group in my opinion. For example, I am uncomfortable with a group of people who all act as if they are part of the Stepford Wives. This is one of the reasons why I lost interest with the characters in this predictable movie. I found the soccer mom characters to be simply icky. The message coming across was that soccer moms were unsatisfied, desperate to find physical affection. Catherine Zeta-Jones (Chicago, The Terminal) as Denise and Uma Thurman (Pulp Fiction, Gattaca) as Patti would be examples of the poorly developed characters in this dull film. Gerard Butler (Chasing Mavericks, Law Abiding Citizen) played George, a former soccer star who was down on his luck. Divorced and having been an absentee dad to his son, George decided to coach his son’s soccer team in hopes of getting back into his son’s life again. Jessica Biel (The Illusionist, Total Recall) played George’s ex-wife Stacie who had moved on with her life and was about to get remarried as George came back into her life. Besides the story being silly, I felt the characters were one dimensional. Dennis Quaid (The Day After Tomorrow, Pandorum) was ridiculous as smarmy character Carl, cheating husband to Patti. The acting was not memorable and came across as being stilted. I could appreciate the idea of Gerard’s character wanting to be a responsible father to his son, but the writers veered off from it by filling scenes with silly filler. Relative newcomer Noah Lomax was very good playing the son Lewis. I felt bad for this character; not as much for having an absentee father as for being stuck in this loser of a movie.
1 2/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Last Airbender
All I could think about while watching this movie was that James Taylor song with the lyrics “I see fire and I see rain.” With the past week being extra hectic, I wanted to chill out with a fantasy film that had loads of special effects. It is the easiest way for me to calm down and space out. When I saw the trailer for this movie I thought it would be the perfect choice for my state of mind. The story was set in a world divided into kingdoms: Air, Earth, Fire and Water. Peace between the kingdoms was kept with the aid of an Avator, a person who was able to control all four elements. But there was a time when the young Avator disappeared and the peace was shattered, allowing the Fire Nation to pursue dominance over the other kingdoms. I want to start out with a positive statement, so let me say the special effects were good. In addition the film had some beautiful shots of scenery. Unfortunately that is the only good thing I can say about this boring mess. Director, writer and producer M. Night Shyamalan (The Village, The Sixth Sense) was the reason this movie was so bad. The writing was dull with cheesy lines one would expect from a 10 year old. His directing was utterly lifeless. The poor younger cast members like Noah Ringer (Cowboys & Aliens) as Aang and Nicola Peltz (Deck the Halls, Harold) as Katara appeared as if they were unsupervised, leaving them bland and emotionless. Even Dev Patel (Slumdog Millionaire, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) as Prince Zuko could not help this bad movie. I have not read the comic books this film was based on, but I have heard they were good. One could only assume the comic book writers cringed when they saw this clunker. Let us look on the bright side; with a sequel in the works, the bar has been set so low that the next movie has to be better.
1 2/3 stars — DVD
Flash Movie Review: Won’t Back Down
Rarely am I impressed with someone’s job. My motto has always been “someone has to graduate at the top of the class and someone at the bottom of the class.” But when it comes to teachers, I have to admit I am somewhat biased. Both my brothers were teachers; one was a career AP history and sociology high school teacher and the other was an EMH teacher; the letters stood for educable mentally handicapped. I think today the title would be a special needs teacher. From my school years I can absolutely vouch for the effect a teacher can make on a student. For every positive effect there is an equal amount of negative ones. When it came to this movie, I understood what single mother Jamie Fitzpatrick, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal (Hysteria, Crazy Heart), hoped to accomplish. She wanted her daughter to get a decent education from the PIttsburgh school system. With poor conditions and uninterested tenured teachers at the failing, inner city school; Jamie waged a battle against the school system. To achieve change, her tenacity would be met by an unyielding school bureaucracy, fearful teacher’s union and skeptical parents; all determined to protect their own interests. For Jamie to make a solid case, she would first need to win over teacher Nona Alberts, played by Viola Davis (The Help, Doubt). This film was a mess; it received a failing grade from me. Though Viola gave it her best it was not enough, the script was ridiculous; filled with cliches, manipulation and catch phrases. I found Maggie one dimensional and felt her relationship made no sense with teacher Michael Perry, played by Oscar Isaac (Drive, Body of Lies). The story did not know what it wanted; going with an anti union message, then back tracking on it. What could have been a powerful movie was instead slow and uninteresting. Give this film a detention for being boring.
1 2/3 stars
moviejoltz 