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Flash Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Deep in the recesses of your mind, unbeknownst to you, is a fond memory from your childhood. No matter what kind of early life was experienced, there usually is at least one thing you recall fondly. The trigger that ignites this memory could easily be one of the most innocuous things on the planet. When you encounter this catalyst the deeply embedded memory rises to the surface of your mind like a deep sea diving bell. This recently happened to me when I saw an old-fashioned candy called Dots in a 3 year old’s hand. The sweet treat has multicolored hard drops of candy stuck on a strip of paper that looks like it belongs in a cash register. One could remove each candy piece with their fingertips; but if one wanted to be real cool, they would use their teeth to peel the candy off the strip of paper. As soon as I saw that candy the memory of the candy store where I always bought those Dots appeared at the edges of my eyes. A tiny place planted on the corner of the block, the shop owner was oversized with arms that gave the warmest hugs. I had forgotten how safe and happy I was whenever I was in her store; the memory flooded me with a sense of calm, joyful peacefulness. JUST as I relived that memory so will many of you experience a past time in your life when you see this reboot of the warrior turtles. With New York City under siege by sinister forces, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were forced above ground in what would be the ultimate test for all of their past training. This action adventure had modern CGI technology working in its favor. The chases and fights were tight and big. Starring Megan Fox (Transformers franchise, Jennifer’s Body) as April O’Neil and Will Arnett (When in Rome, Arrested Development-TV) as Vernon Fenwick, this was where this comedy film quickly deteriorated. Besides being annoying the script was filled with lame jokes and references. The story was at a television cartoon level and though I did not necessarily have an issue with it, after a short time I felt the scenes lacked any real excitement. If it was not for the fight scenes I would have been even more bored than I already was with this movie. I feel once viewers who remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles see this film they will discover their memories were better than these updated characters. For those who did not follow the Ninja Turtles, they may find this was a picture that will soon be forgotten.
2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Hercules
The strongest ones seemed to be the biggest jerks as far as I can remember. They were athletically inclined; able to throw or hit a ball harder than anyone else. If a ball was not available, which was usually the case during the rest of the school day; they had no problem knocking a student down in the school’s hallways. If nothing else then anything a student was carrying was fair game; it was not uncommon to hear textbooks smacking the floor between periods. I was one of the larger boys, but it was not from muscles. As a result my negative perceptions of those who were strong were formed quite early. It was not until new neighbors moved in across the street when I met an exception to my mindset. He was my age but taller than most of the students in our class; English was his 2nd language but no one would know. I would hear the way his family talked to each other whenever I bumped into them outside our apartments. There was a politeness about him that was foreign to most of the athletes in my class. During any contact sports, he would be the only one who would offer a hand to a fallen opposing teammate. Yet no one ever picked on him as if his unusual name and mannerisms made him mysterious; no one wanted to take a chance by confronting him. I had this crazy notion that as long as I could reach and step into his expansive shadow, no one would pick on me. HERCULES in this action adventure film reminded me of my former neighbor. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (Pain & Gain, Snitch) went through a grueling workout regimen to play the part of the Greek demigod, Hercules. Directed by Brett Ratner (Rush Hour franchise, Tower Heist), this fantasy film was all action with a story similar to a graphic novel. Hercules was a muscle for hire, who with a close band of friends, agreed to train Lord Cotys’, played by John Hurt (V for Vendetta, The Elephant Man), soldiers even though they sorely lacked fighting skills. The unprepared troops were forced into a battle that Hercules was not sure they could win. Though the fight scenes were big and over the top, the story was weak in my opinion. I felt there was such a disconnect between the battles and the drama that I became bored with what appeared to be the same thing happening over and over. Too much brawn and a poor script made this just an okay film; nothing that will muscle it into the top spot at the box office. There were scenes of violence and blood.
2 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Maleficent
With one aggressive act can a deep buried anger breakout from its vault inside the body. Flowing like white hot lava, it courses through and scorches the veins within a matter of seconds. The whole body becomes a pulsating furnace, emitting a constant heat fueled by the bellowing breath of hatred. If one does not have the tools to dismantle and disperse this generator of hatred, one will always see life through the smoke of anger. I remember acting this out when I had a toy that was not working properly; beating it against the floor or with any nearby heavy object to teach it a lesson. A majority of my earlier life was spent living with a burning anger. As a result I was able to quickly see it in others. My friends and I were riding in a car driven by the brother of one of the friends. A car driving in the opposite direction sideswiped us, knocking off the side view mirror. My friend’s brother spewed out a stream of obscenities as he violently turned the steering wheel, driving the car into the oncoming traffic. I was stunned by his hot blind anger heating the air around us, incinerating any and all of his common sense. That day I learned anger can be an all consuming emotion that manipulates every intention if left unchecked. The proof can be seen in this action adventure fantasy. Angelina Jolie (Salt, Changeling) was made to play this role, the evil Maleficent character from Walt Disney’s classic movie Sleeping Beauty. Though the story began when Maleficent was an innocent youth, it would show the events that led her to become a spiteful, hatred-filled adult. Despite Angelina’s strong presence, she had to share the screen with the amazing special effects. One of the reasons I liked Sam Riley (On the Road, Control) as Diaval was because he took the brunt of fanciful visuals. Elle Fanning (Super 8, Ginger & Rosa) was lovely as Princess Aurora and blended perfectly with Angelina. My major complaint about this film was the inadequate script. With the ability to take the character of Maleficent to great heights, the script failed Angelina. The lack of dialog created very little drama for her, along with the other actors. At one point the film went from embellishing the Sleeping Beauty story to a poor version of the musical Wicked. In addition the story veered into a dry disconnect that made very little sense. I was disappointed by this movie. Maybe it was because I have seen some truly angry and evil people in my life; the only difference was there was nothing magical about them.
2 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: X-Men: Days of Future Past
The words had just passed my lips when I realized these were not the correct ones to utter at the moment. I inhaled with the same force I use with a straw in a chocolate peanut butter milkshake, but it was to no avail; the words were out in the open for everyone to hear. If only I had the opportunity to do it all over; but then again, there are so many times I wish for that chance. Almost every checkout line I choose winds up with a customer ahead of me who has some type of issue that will require a price check or swapping out a product. Recently I was running late for work. I had just missed the green light at an intersection that has an unusually long wait period between signals. It was a split second decision and I veered off into a restaurant’s parking lot to avoid the wait. As I was about to exit on the opposite side a police car was sitting there waiting for me to leave the lot. If only I could have turned time back, I would have saved myself from a moving violation ticket. I would have a better understanding of time travel if it personally affected me. In movies I get lost by the explanations or logistics of it. However, in this action adventure film I had no problem. Due to a particular event in history, both humans and mutants (individuals with special abilities) were being targeted for elimination. A plan was developed to send Logan/Wolverine, played by Hugh Jackman (Prisoners, Australia), back in time in an attempt to alter the outcome of the specific incident, change the course of history and hopefully save mutants in the future. What drove this fantasy film to excellence was the well thought out script and amazing special effects. I especially liked the way humor was injected into scenes without taking away from the building tension. The other main force that made this movie special was the cast. I thought Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook, The Hunger Games franchise) as Raven/Mystique, Michael Fassbender (The Counselor, Shame) as Erik Lehnsherr and James McAvoy (Trance, The Last Station) as Charles Xavier were outstanding. One of my few and minor complaints was not seeing enough of Patrick Stewart (Safe House, Star Trek franchise) as Professor X and Ian McKellen (The Hobbit franchise, Emile) as Magneto. Though there were a couple of things where I did not understand the logic, it really did not matter; this fantasy film delivered a high dose of exciting entertainment and suspense. In fact, I would not need the ability to turn back time because I would willingly go see this movie again. There was an extra scene at the end of the credits.
3 1/2 stars
Flash Movie Review: Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return
Many times I have been told change is good. I am not 100% sold on it, though I will agree to the idea of evolving. Change is something done by a traffic light. Look at all the consumer items that keep changing; are they all really necessary? I believe these changes in packaging or designs have contributed to us becoming a disposable society. There are some things I prefer keeping just the way they were created. I have an old candle holder that used to sit on our dining room table when I was a little kid. It is tarnished and scratched but I do not care; the memories associated with it span my youth. A friend of mine has a wooden, hand carved, standing ashtray made by her father. She does not smoke but the piece is so exquisitely detailed and beautiful that she uses it as a candy dish. A serving bowl would be easier but the stacked column of small elephant figurines has been a great conversation piece, made by her father’s own 2 hands. There are just some things that do not need to change; they were perfect right from the start. Such is the case with the changes in this animated musical film. The story takes place after the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy, voiced by Lea Michele (New Year’s Eve, Glee-TV), returns to Oz to help save it from the evil jester, voiced by Martin Short (Innerspace, Father of the Bride franchise). The cast was comprised of a formidable group of celebrities such as Dan Aykroyd (The Campaign, Ghostbusters franchise) as the Scarecrow, James Belushi (Red Heat, The Ghost) as the Lion and Kelsey Grammer (Fame, Cheers-TV) as the Tin Man. The voices and the singing should be considered the only positive element to this family film that was wrong on so many levels. The animation was uncreative and lifeless to the point I thought it had dulled my senses. I found the story lacked any excitement, fun, joy, tenderness or surprise: I could keep going on if you wish. The spattering of adults and children around me in the theater had no reaction to any of the scenes. It was so quiet that at one point I was hoping a baby would have started crying just to see if everyone had been sleeping. I could not find a reason why this awful movie needed to be made. There is a reason some things are considered classic; they do not need to be changed because they are timeless. This film was made for a disposable society, so toss it off of your to do list.
1 1/3 stars
Flash Movie Review: The Amazing Spider-Man 2
It can be a heart wrenching experience to be on the receiving end of a change without any explanation. Imagine after dating someone for several months they one day tell you they can no longer do this and say goodbye. You are left with a hole inside of you that will not heal properly. You can fill it with anger, vowing you will never let someone get that close to you again or you can push yourself to find someone else to fill the emptiness inside; but in the back of your mind a seed of doubt took hold that maybe you did something “wrong” that drove your boyfriend/girlfriend away. I also have to believe being let go from a job without being told a reason why has to be brutal. How about a child who has enough awareness to know they are being given up to someone else? I cannot even comprehend what ramifications would emerge from it, which is why I thought the strongest part of this action adventure sequel was the back story about the parents of Peter Parker aka Spider-Man, played by Andrew Garfield (The Social Network, Boy A). In his attempt to find out the reason why his parents left him, Peter would discover a surprising secret buried at his father’s former employer, Oscorp. The big plus to this movie were the special effects; I especially liked the way they incorporated iconic landmarks. With the single exception of Sally Field (Lincoln, Mrs. Doubtfire) as Peter’s Aunt May and Emma Stone (Gangster Squad, The Help) as Peter’s girlfriend Stacy, I did not find much else to like about this overindulgent fantasy film. Jamie Foxx (Law Abiding Citizen, Ray) looked better than he acted as Max Dillon aka Electro and Dane DeHaan (Lawless, Kill Your Darlings) would have been a better Harry Osborn if the writers would have left him alone. There were too many villains, too many story lines and too much whining to make this an exciting movie for me. The majority of the blame has to fall on the writers. I felt they were trying to outdo any current superhero movies by making Spider-Man deal with so many different issues in this one film. They needed a good editor to clean up the voluminous scenes, making a tighter story and shortening the film’s 2 hours and 23 minutes running time. If this sequel is any indication I will not be upset if the movie studio does not make a 3rd film; I do not even need to know the reasons why. There was one surprise scene in the middle of the ending credits.
2 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Only Lovers Left Alive
Once two people have a shared history of intimacy together, it will always reappear when one is in the presence of the other. They may have not seen each other in a long time; but as soon as they meet, that oasis of intimate vulnerability floats up from the recesses of their minds to create terra firma. A gentle puff of breath slipping across an ear can remind one how they were being held as they dove into a luxurious sleep. The scent of their hair can bring back the vision of a wide open vista of sun stained cliffs cascading into a deep canyon as both sat close, taking in the majesty of the moment. So knowledgeable of each other’s ways, the two created a world unto themselves that is separate from the reality around then. Two individuals who had this connection in this dramatic romantic film were Eve and Adam, played by Tilda Swinton (The Grand Budapest Hotel, Adaptation) and Tom Hiddleston (War Horse, Thor franchise). Aware of Adam’s despondent reclusiveness, Eve traveled from her home in Tangier, Morocco to be with him in Detroit, MIchigan. With the world around them in decline they had their own little safe haven until Eve’s sister Ava, played by Mia Wasikowska (Jane Eyre, The Kids are all Right), showed up at their front door. This film festival nominated movie grew on me like Spanish moss on a thick humid day. Tilda and Tom were so deliciously good together as the centuries old vampires. The whole cast was strong but I could not take my eyes off the two of them. They were able to convey a feeling, an emotion simply by the turn of the head or the gaze of their eyes. The script was smart and hip with quick spurts of fresh humor. Since some of the characters were vampires, the whole picture had a certain darkness to it; but, there was a subtle lightness that made for deep languishing scenes. I really enjoyed the way the director’s or maybe it was cinematographer’s penetrating use of light sources played with the blackness. Though this film was listed as horror, there was nothing I would consider scary in the traditional sense. If you are squeamish at the sight of blood, no matter the vessel it may be in, then yes there were scenes that had blood. However, I can only think of one scene that might be considered gory. Despite a bit of uneven pacing, by the end of the movie I felt I had visited an old couple who knew each other so well, they did not have to ask how the other one felt, they just knew. Brief scenes of blood were shown.
3 stars
Flash Movie Review: Jinn
You see the two of them walking towards you hand in hand. They look almost identical except one looks fresh, the other one looks worn. Now I am not talking about a couple who have been together for years and are dressing the same. I am referring to a parent and their child. How many times have we seen children growing into similar features shared with their parents. These outside traits come about through a combination of the parents’ genes. I know my lost hair is because of my mother’s father; the trait of baldness gets carried down through one’s mother. My fascination gets stimulated more by the internal similarities between parents and their offspring. When a child’s taste in foods mimics a mother or father, I can assume one of the adults influenced them. But what about a son or daughter who grows up and goes into the same profession as their parent? I was introduced to a man who was able to trace his family’s history all the way back to the times of the Spanish Inquisition; we are talking about the late 1400s. He explained each generation in his family produced at least 2 scholars who kept detailed records. They even passed down several sentimental items to the younger family members, continuing it from generation to generation. A similar family history was the basis for this fantasy thriller. Dominic Rains (The Taqwacores, Flight 93-TV movie) and Serinda Swan (Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief), Recoil) played husband and wife Shawn and Jasmine. The quiet idyllic life they were living suddenly began experiencing unexplained events that were soon taking on an ominous undertone. Looking for answers Shawn found two men willing to help him, Father Westhoff and Gabriel, played by William Atherton (Die Hard franchise, Ghostbusters) and Ray Park (G.I. Joe franchise, X-Men). What they had to say was hard to understand. The trailer for this film had a mythical spookiness that intrigued me. It only took me a short while to realize this movie was going to be real bad. Wait let me change the end of that last sentence to say pathetically awful. I will start with the production values; they were horrendous with hokey special effects. If you were to watch a special effects filled film from the 1950s you probably would have the same reaction I had watching the cheap stunts in this movie. The poorly written script was made even worse by the sophomoric acting. This may be harsh to say but if the studio is considering a sequel I hope the family in this picture stops procreating.
1 1/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Winter’s Tale
Look around and you will see the carcasses of lost love. Like the spent cocoons of former butterflies, love does not always last; people sometimes grow out of love in their relationships. Sure it can flourish and last for many years, where the two of you seem to be sailing in the same direction through the currents of life. But things change and your love for each other cools, slipping off of you like the final rays of a setting sun. There is, however, a love that lasts a lifetime and beyond. Even if you are no longer together, you carry your love for them like a comfortable sweater draped around your shoulders. It does not necessary hinder you but its presence always reminds you how love can feel. Within this dramatic fantasy there was a beautiful love story. From the trailers I was not only excited to see this mysterious movie, but I wanted to have a good cry. Yes, I admit I enjoy watching a well done picture that can move me to tears now and then. I thought everything was in place to make it happen with the story in this film. Colin Farrell (Saving Mr. Banks, In Bruges) played a burglar named Peter Lake. Thinking a house was empty, Peter broke in only to be startled by an ailing Beverly Penn, played by Jessica Brown (Albatross, Downton Abbey-TV), who had remained behind from her family. There was something about her that stole his heart. This was writer Akiva Goldman’s (A Beautiful Mind, The Da Vinci Code) first attempt at directing and it was one of the major issues I had about this movie. I was so disappointed to see the actors lifelessly move through their scenes. There was a nice chemistry building between Peter and Beverly, but the director never fully utilized it. Russell Crowe (Les Miserables, State of Play) as gang leader Pearly Soames was good, but after I saw who played his boss in this film I just sat in my seat in disbelief. I am sure the book is better and maybe it is hard to translate a century old love story to the big screen; but in more capable hands, I have to wonder if this movie would have been better. Colin gave it his best, working great with his horse, but I did not love this movie like I wanted. Walking away from the theater I could feel my hopes and unrequited love for this film dropping off of me like the petals of a wilted flower.
1 3/4 stars
Flash Movie Review: Vampire Academy
It may only take one article of clothing, accessory, family member or friend and you get branded for life by your peers. A sweater you wore may have a spot or small hole that you did not notice, but someone else did and made the assumption you came from a poor family or even worse a dirty family. I have a watch that looks like an expensive, famous brand of timepiece. It always surprises me during a conversation with an unfamiliar person, when i catch them staring at my watch and their mannerisms do a slight shift towards me afterwards. I cannot explain it since I avoid dealing with people who only focus on the surface of an individual. Back in school I had a friend whose dad was a bus driver. I cannot tell you how many times other classmates would make comments about how his dad was Ralph Kramden (if this name is unfamiliar to you then look up Jackie Gleason) or he was the son of a bus driver. Not only did I not understand the reason for these kinds of comments, but I found them cruel. Well, evidently this same kind of labeling takes place among vampires. Lucy Fry (Lightning Point-TV) played Lissa Dragomir, the last vampire of a royal bloodline. After being out on her own in the real world she was forced to return to St. Vladimir’s academy for vampires with her best friend and protector Rose Hathaway, played by Zoey Deutch (Beautiful Creatures, Mayor Cupcake). She was not well received by some of the student body; in fact, some would rather have seen her dead. As if school was not hard enough already, Lissa found herself in the middle of a class struggle. This action fantasy was such a poor production; it screamed of being a Harry Potter and Twilight movie knockoff. The character Rose appeared to be jacked up on huge amounts of caffeine; her speech was more of a verbal blur to me. For the life of me I did not understand why Gabriel Byrne (The Usual Suspects, Miller’s Crossing) as Victor Dashkov and Joely Richardson (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Event Horizon) as Queen Tatiana were part of this film unless they both lost a bet with someone. The script provided nothing but poor dialog and goofy comments. There were so many opportunities to instill some excitement, tension, thought or even sentimental moments but none of that entered into this boring tale. I hope there are no plans to make a sequel. Though I mentioned I try not to label anyone based on their surface, I may have to reconsider when it comes to the director and writers of this silly vampire fantasy.
1 1/2 stars
moviejoltz 